time to reassess

So we've been hearing about people dropping out of law school. Last week, our K prof said 2 people dropped out from our section. One was this really smart girl who felt law school wasn't her calling and chose not to stay in debt for a whole year to confirm what she already knew. The other did not speak English very well. I heard him once in class, early on in the semester. I couldn't tell if he was unprepared or couldn't articulate his answers in English. Or a combination of the two. Poor guy.

But it seems as though we were the last section to hear about people leaving or even have people leave. A month ago, a friend from another section said her K prof told them 4 people had left. Tough beans.

I've spoken to a couple of people who either entertained leaving at the end of the first week or plan to reassess at the end of the first year. It broke my heart. I admit to not knowing them well enough to see whether they belong in law school, but it looked like they were handling the work ok and it was hard to hear they were thinking about leaving. I can only imagine how hard it was to actually think it.

I do wonder if some people belong in law school. It is a perfect venue to show off. And the cattiness has begun. The things I hear surprise me. There are people who actually say out loud that they are pleased that some difficulty has befallen a classmate, because his attention will be focused elsewhere and that is less competition for them.

I am guarded. I take special care of my things and don't discuss papers if I can help it. I did it once and I still regret it. Not that the other people did anything, I just felt that I should have kept my mouth shut about my own thoughts.

But if it doesn't involve a paper, I am always happy to help. But I am seeing less and less of that as the term progresses. Either everyone is getting it or no one is going to admit they did not. Fine by me. I ask the prof or TAs when I don't get it. They are getting paid for that and I have $40K worth of questions in my bank.

I've been wondering how I would manage if I wasn't on the meds. I don't think I'd be able to keep my temper in check, and that would not be good. I might actually say some of the stuff I've been thinking. Plus, more importantly in my book, I would be very overwhelmed by the workload. It's not easy keeping up with classes, trying to revise what's already been done, dealing with home, the bitching, the moaning and trying to have a life with the friends I care about. I haven't even written home in a while.

On the bright side, I had to talk in Torts the other day and I thought I did well. Someone told me I sounded prepared and like I knew what I was talking about. Did I ever? I prepared the hell out of the reading and was I ever glad I did. I enjoyed it hugely.

This week has been tough. There are so many things going on other than class that I had no time during the week to prepare or study for anything. I wasn't exactly thrilled about staying home yesterday, but I was able to finish my memo and then relax for the rest of the day. But with the one thing after another this whole week, I had to do a lot of work last weekend.

I am keeping next week as free as I can because the Legal Research exam is next Friday and I need to devote some time to it. That also means covering the reading for the entire week over this weekend.

I have the all-important visit to the ENT next Wednesday and I have never looked forward to a doctor's visit more. The warmer weather has eased the sinus pressure a fair bit and I have been more comfortable this week than I have been in a while. Other than that, it's just K prof's celebration thingy and that is the only extra-curricula activity I have going on.

Pray for Mojo.

js meme... how i've missed you

If I were a month I would be: June

If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday

If I were a time of day I would be: morning

If I were a planet I would be: mars

If I were a sea animal I would be: a blue whale

If I were a direction I would be: West

If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a bed

If I were a sin I would be: lust

If I were a liquid I would be: rum

If I were a stone, I would be: a bloodstone

If I were a tree, I would be: a mango tree

If I were a bird, I would be: a hummingbird

If I were a flower/plant, I would be: an iris

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: drizzly

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a Spanish guitar

If I were an animal, I would be: a meerkat

If I were a color, I would be: green

If I were an emotion, I would be: overwhemlmed

If I were a vegetable, I would be: a potato

If I were a sound, I would be: a scream

If I were an element, I would be: fire

If I were a car, I would be: a mini

If I were a song, I would be: calypso

If I were a movie, I would be directed by: gurinda chadha

If I were a poem, I would be written by: t.s. eliot

If I were a food, I would be: cookie

If I were a place, I would be: a temple

If I were a material, I would be: cotton

If I were a taste, I would be: tasty

If I were a scent, I would be: lavender

If I were a religion, I would be: Pagan

If I were a word, I would be: crazy

If I were an object, I would be: a hammer

If I were a body part I would be: knees

If I were a facial expression I would be: an eyeroll

If I were a subject in school I would be: physical education

If I were a shape I would be: a hexagon

If I were a number I would be: seven

thick and thin, sick and sin

So the Hwang family has been married for almost 5 years and Mr and Mrs Hwang never thought we'd make it this far. Baby Hwang has already decided that he will go live with his Aunties when we divorce. We're staying together for Jess and Bri's sake!

Joke and fun aside, five years is a long time to be together and it's the longest relationship either of us has ever had. So, I say, kudos to Ma and Pa Hwang.

I laid down the law last year that I am not going to tell John what I want as an anniversary present. I wanted him to look into my soul and get me something that, preferably, comes in a small(ish) robin-egg's blue box and I better be surprised.

Well, I caved about 2 weeks ago and blurted out I wanted a Kindle. Sigh. I did try. I dropped hints but I chose to believe Mr Hwang was going through one of his denser phases and just said it. Turns out, he was going to buy me a diamond. To which Derek said, "Get her the diamond, Daddy, and then we can get aaaanything we want!"

To explain: Whenever John comes up with one of his outrageously expensive desires, which are mostly just outrageous in my book, I say he can get it if I buy a diamond. One day he said he is going to buy me a diamond and then buy himself whatever he wants and I will just have to lump it. I might have mentioned before that Derek is turning into his Daddy.

Anyhoo, the Hwangs have decided that the fifth wedding anniversary is electronica (which is good because the traditional gift is wood!) and Der already has a netbook and I am expecting a Kindle, since I clearly drowned the diamond idea! AND I caved and have decided to let John get a PS3 or X-box or whatever-the-fuck. But he will get that later on, maybe closer to Christmas.

conquering that first semester

Have I? I don't know, but I do seem to bitch less than everyone else, or at least a large chunk of the class, so that counts in my book.

The one thing I do complain about is being in a class with so many young people, barely out of their teenage habits. I'm beginning to feel like I'd like to be in a place with grown-up who are serious about their lives. My closest mates are over 30 and if we have nothing else in common, we share this frustration.

However.

However, there are a couple of saving graces that manage to save the side. My study partner is a gem who actually understands I have shit going on and she is wonderful about making herself flexible for me. I am half in love with her sometimes, she is so great. There are a couple of women who I treat like daughters, but they just bring out my silliness more than anything. They laugh at my dick jokes and are grosser than a couple of guys I know. There are women who are so sweet to me and drop me line on FB chat just to say hi or that we haven't spoken in few days. I always smile when I see their pix pop up.

Why no boys, you ask? And why do I say women and not men, but boys? The boys are so pretty that I cannot think of them as men. I also have 2 sons, so all boys are babies. Plus, they are the most immature. I'd take the entitled princesses over them any day. Two boys sit behind me in one class and puss-puss the whole time. I have more than once turned around and asked them to stop talking. I don't even say shush or ask politely. I'm a hair away from calling them stupid fuckheads.

I could go on. It's my blog, and I could. But I am so fed up of them all.

Back to Bom.

Assignments are piling up and it's getting challenging trying to not spend all the time doing them and forgetting to prepare for class and keep revising. I take advantage of the TAs as much as I can and I can feel a couple of Contracts concepts slipping away from me, so I've been using office hours like a muthafucker.

Civ Pro midterm was last week and exactly what I knew was going to come, came, and I still wasn't happy. My study partner and I did an almost-exact question the day before and it all slipped away. I got the larger concepts in and matched the fact pattern to them but there were still things I left out. I could have done much better, I know. But I know 12(b)(6) inside and out and I can only pray that comes in the final.

My second Contracts paper is due on Monday and I pounded out a first draft and edited it as tightly as I could tonight. I'm not sure I want to take another look at it on Sunday, but I'll see how it goes. It's very hard for me to go over what I've written. I actually have a "done" point in my mind, which I find it very difficult to get past. I'm not sure what I'm not seeing. I find a first draft to be vital in anything I write. I can fool myself that it's not finished and just jottings, but it's really quite comprehensive. I find that I need to go back to using pen and paper, cross out and rewrite. I usually get three drafts that way, but can fool myself into thinking it's just one. One means it's not done. Three means it's almost there. It works for me.

Legal writing is getting interesting. There's an awful lot of bitching in that class and I find myself going later just to avoid it. I actually think the class is getting better and am kinda liking it. I'm definitely in the minority. I also like Legal Research and am learning stuff there too, despite popular opinion. There are only so many ways to make these two courses interesting and I think the teachers do try, especially in LR. I've always believed that school is like the Forest of Arden: it gives you from what you bring to it. If I schlep into class late, don't read ahead, moan about the professor, I know I will get nothing out of it because there is only so much self-motivation I can do under those circumstances I put myself in.

It's when I think like that I remember that being older has its advantages. I feel sorry for my very young classmates who won't know this for years, if they ever do at all. I wouldn't want any of the things that happened to me that got me insight to happen to them. Not even a little bit.

Ok. Back to Bom.

hip-deep

Wed, October 6, 2010

Alarm goes off at 6 and I hit the snooze twice until 6:20. Roll over on the husband and drag myself off the bed.

Feed pets, make coffee, ablutions, drink coffee, dress, check weather and MTS on NY1 and leave by 7:15.

First class is at 9 a.m. Till 10:15.

Then class at 11:00. Have time for coffee or yogurt and Coke. Class ends 12:40.

Civ Pro group meets with TA at 1p.m. Till.

Meet with study partner to do Civ Pro practice exam under exam conditions and then discuss.

With any luck, all that Civ Pro-ing can end by 5 so I can do my Legal Research HW and start my LR assignment.

Thursday, October 6, 2010

Alarm goes off at 6 and I hit the snooze twice until 6:20. Roll over on the husband and drag myself off the bed.

Feed pets, go upstairs and drag Derek off bed, make coffee, ablutions, drink coffee, dress, check weather and MTS on NY1 and leave by 7:15.

Drop Le Derek off to school and try to get to school before 9.

9-11 Civ Pro review session

12:45-2 Writing seminar

2-3:40 Torts

4:30-5:45 LR

Chances of me doing anything b/w classes on Thursday other than trying to eat and put books in and take books out of my locker is very slim. Mercifully, I am all read up for Torts this week.

One class on Friday morning and then Civ Pro for a good chunk of the day and more work on LW in the afternoon. Pick up Le Derek and come home.

Saturday, go to school and spend morning on Civ Pro questions and LR.

Sunday, spend day dividing up reading for K and Civ Pro.

I have a couple of movies at home to watch, much tv to catch up on and a husband and son to see and spend time with. Things are gettin' good!

a house for mr biswas

The other day, I needed to grab a book to read on the train and picked up "The Mystic Masseur" and when I was done, I had a hankering to read "Biswas", although I can quote large chunks of both books by now.

I read "Biswas" at least once a year and every time I do I write a post about it. I should have given the book its own category on Journalspace, I read it so often!

But I love it. I have always held close Biwas' feeling "to have lived without even attempting to lay claim to one's portion of the earth; to have lived and died as one had been born, unnecessary and unaccommodated."

As much as the book makes me laugh out loud, even after multiple readings, it always fills me with deep sadness. I always feel so much like Mohun Biswas and reading this book is like when Bipti bathes young Biswas and rubs open the sores on his legs. I feel so red and raw and in pain. It passes, just like his: "... in an hour or two the redness and rawness of the sores had faded, scabs were beginning to form, and Mr Biswas was happy again."

I'm not sure I'd say I get happy again, but it does get better. And Biswas is a small boy in that scene and he is happy playing with his sister and discovering a pond.

And I miss home when I read it. It's funny, I own the house with John I live in but it has never felt like mine. It does feel like home, but not like my house. Of course, the former is better, but it's not like I don't know where Biswas is coming from. I used to plan to buy my own house and it thrilled and terrified me at the same time.

But I miss Trinidad. I miss everything I thought I didn't like and everything I truly loved. It pains to think about Annabelle and Anu when reading "Biswas". I miss mango chow and a good goat roti and sada with bhagi or bodi. God, I miss bodi! I miss Paramin seasoning and Machel's "Soca Santa" and stupid-ass crowds in Chaguanas and Hi-Lo cake. I miss making a special trip to Long Circular Mall to "see the decorations" and eat Mario's pizza in the food court. I miss Chinese food like a motherfucker.

I miss cricket in the Oval and sno cones and iffy palette from the iffier palette man. I miss doubles with chadon beni and slight. I miss the lady I used to buy papers and salt prunes from every Saturday morning. I miss the 'Nade and the corn soup truck. God, I miss corn soup. I even miss the Nagar and Emancipation Village.

I miss the newspapers and the news reports on tv. I miss 97.1 FM. I miss mas on tv and the old Breakfast Shed. I miss pepper shrimps from Town Center Mall and Lucky's Preserve Plums from Disdrugs. I miss Excellent City Center.

I am not even a third of a way through "Biswas" this rounds.

success, please

I've been taking some academic success sessions offered by the school. They are very informative and I've discovered I've embraced a lot of the tips that they are giving us. In the tradition of law school blogs everywhere, here is what I think is useful to getting through the work.

1. Keep your syllabus with you at all times.

Sounds dumb? I've found that referring to my syllabus has been enormously helpful in guiding my outline. I also have two professors who have written very comprehensive notes in the syllabi. Going back to them can give you real insight into stacking your blocks.

2. Keep stacking the blocks.

Huh? No class is in a vacuum. Every one builds on the one before it and will help put up the next one. It's not a stop-and-start but a continuous flow of information that you have to assimilate, even if your professor doesn't seem to teaching that way. No exam is just going to have an essay question based on the application of one rule. They will all be ambiguous enough to discuss many.

3. Don't get carried away with what other sections are doing.

I often ask other large and small sections what they are covering in class but I try to be careful not to stress out over whether they are ahead or we are in a totally different planet. Other sections' perspectives are good, and talking about rules and issues is helpful. Just don't let it get to you. Your professor has a method to his madness. Trust it.

4. Brief.

Try to brief every case, not just the main ones, but ones in the notes as well. I don't have time to brief every citation in an opinion, but I look it up and try to pull out where the judge is coming from. Sometimes, just reading the quote the judge pulled out is not enough for me. I need to see what the facts and defenses were in order to understand why an opinion is going the way it's going. I've also learnt that opinions cam pull out just the bit they need and slant it, which might be the original intention of the case being cited. It's a lot of fun.

5. Ignore people

Everyone has an opinion, but opinions are like assholes. Everyone knows one.

6. Listen carefully to what your classmates are saying in class.

At this stage, people's comments aren't terribly insightful and some are dead stupid. But. They can be helpful in guiding your thoughts away from a bad idea or to something useful. If someone is being asked a question, make sure you can answer it.

7. Answer the question being asked.

It is so easy to just chuck it and say what you know. Don't. Listen to the question being asked. If you're in a Socratic dialog, the professor isn't going to just stick to the case. Listen to him ask you something slightly different and answer it. Not knowing or being wrong is not an issue. I've noticed that people get stuck on the original question and anything that comes after it is dead air as far as they are concerned. It's a tough situation when you're cold-called but you must focus.

8. Get proper sleep.

I've phased out in a couple of classes because I have been so sleepy that I couldn't focus. Also, don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you if you went out and then came home at some late hour and had to study for class the next morning.

9. Try to stay one class ahead of your schedule.

It doesn't always work. As the semester progresses, it's tough to maintain that pace when assignments begin to rear their ugly heads. It helps not to put things off. Schedule time for the assignment in increments rather than all at once. It helps to be able to go back to it with fresh eyes over a 3-day period that frustrating yourself by doing nothing else but that one thing all damn day. Also, it means that you aren't giving up time needed to prep for classes.

10. Do something non-law school related.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON tells you this. It's a fact of life. Don't become a workaholic or one of those people who always has his head stuck in a casebook and only takes a break to ... hopefully shower. I used to work at a newspaper and it dominated my life. It was all I ever did. I did not schedule anything into my life. I hung out with my colleagues only and spent very very little time not thinking about or doing work. Now, I take a whole day off and hang out with my kid, sleep and watch tv. On the train to and from school, I read a non-school book. Hell, I spend so many hours in school that even there I pick up my novel or watch something online just to take a break. I find these things relaxing and they take my mind off school. It's good to be indulgent every now and then, otherwise you'll begin to resent being here and nothing good will come of that.