letting it go

So I'm trying to be a big girl and cope with what happened last Tuesday. I was so disappointed. I hate being disappointed more than any other emotion. It's the worst feeling for me. But, there is nothing I can do about it. I have a lot of great people sending me good thoughts, and I know there is a very slim chance of me not getting a positive determination. Maybe I can think of it as the agent having more time to really see I can be an asset here. My little guy is already a citizen and I'm doing pretty well here, all things considered.

Ok. Back to being a grown-up. And good thoughts to the agent who is reading my file. I hope he gets to go on holiday soon.

Semester is going well, this past week included. I took the day off on Wednesday and slept till 3 in the afternoon. I needed that. I felt refreshed for the first time in a while. I even presented my case in Labor Relations on Thursday, feeling way more confident about it since I prepped it weeks ago!

Work is also going well. I've asked to continue through the summer. I feel I can get more out of the experience if I am able to see some things through the process, rather than in piecemeal. My boss seems pleased with me and the intern manager said that if I really wanted to stay, I'd get an upfront pick before he chooses summer interns. Fingerseyestoes crossed.

I'm in school today, trying to get through the readings for Labor Relations and Admin Law for the week. I'm also not as on top of review as I was last semester, so I need to start using my weekends more wisely. It's hard when it's so cold, the husband is so warm and the baby is so cute. But I wind up suffering by not doing what I should be doing. I cannot afford to be lost so early in the semester and I've already begun to feel that way in Admin Law. In class, anyway. I need to catch up for this past week.

So, Back to Bom!

my citizenship interview... or don't believe everything you see on the internet

So, since I've chronicled (and lost) my entire journey from meeting John to my last green card interview, I figured I should put this to web page as well. Plus, it might help with the anger issues I've been having!

So I basically fired my lawyer b/c she was charging me $400 an hour to fill out forms. Since she'd already filled out the actual citizenship application, I let her go. I got my interview for Feb. 7 at 1:35 p.m. and downloaded the 100 questions you're supposed to memorize and started to learn.

I asked John to take the day off from work to go with me, and I'm glad I did. I wanted Derek to come as well, but I'm glad he didn't. We got there at 1p.m. and sat down.

The place was packed to the gills. There were at least 200 people there. As soon as I sat down, I asked the woman next to me if she had been waiting long. She had been there for her 9:55a.m. appointment and was still waiting. WTF? She didn't get called till 3p.m. I do not know how she held it together in that interview. These interviewers have our futures in their hands and pissing them off means you get to re-apply!

John said he was going to leave at 4 to go pick up Derek. We were clear across town and he was concerned about getting to the school on time. We waited and waited. He made me laugh, I read my Kindle, he tested me on the questions and even went to get me a bottle of water. The crowd thinned out ever so slowly. At 3, I began to worry if they were going to get to everyone today and if they were going to send people home after 5p.m. It is a government work, after all.

Some people came out of their interviews very happy, clutching their naturalization ceremony letters. It was pretty clear that no one was going to get sworn in that afternoon, but I thought that was ok, since I wanted some people to be present at mine. I watched a lot of the USCIS video on going through the interview process and that was a massively huge mistake.

Those videos lead you to believe that the interviewer reviewed your file PRIOR to seeing you. He goes over the application form pretty closely and gives you the civics and English proficiency tests. Once you pass, you get a letter to go pick up your date for the swearing-in ceremony. You are not told how you feel ass-fucked when it's over.

John leaves at 4:15, and not two minutes later my name gets called. I keep thinking that John probably hasn't even left the building yet! I follow the man into his office, raise my right hand and swear to be truthful.

I have no rapport with this interviewer. He is very self-conscious of large patches of eczema on his head and face and won't make eye contact with me. When I try to engage him, he looks away. So, to allow him to look at me, I had to slightly turn my body away from his and look past his right shoulder. He seemed much more relaxed when I did that. Do not cry down neurolinguistic programming to me, ever. That shit works!

He started with the history test, as he called it. He asked me 6 (Who is the Speaker of the House? When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? For how long do we elect the President? Who lived in America before the colonists? Name one of the longest rivers in the US and I forget what the 6th question was) and I answered the 6 in a row and that ended there.

I read a sentence about Abraham Lincoln and wrote a sentence about Abraham Lincoln.

I was then informed that I was no longer applying for citizenship based on my marriage but because I had been a permanent resident for more than 5 years. Um... okay. He ran through my application, asking me only one substantive question about what I did between 2006 and 2008 when I wasn't working. He asked me how was I supporting myself now and I said I was in law school and my husband is gainfully employed. That should have been a red flag right there that he had no idea what was in my file.

He then informed me that I passed the interview and English proficiency parts but since the place was closing soon (it was 4:30p.m.) he could not render a decision. I asked who else has to see it before a decision can be made. He bridled and must have thought I was asking something else, because he said that he interviewed me so he will be going through the file. I think it hit him that couldn't be what I was actually asking when I started to ask why he couldn't just do that now. He said someone has to see it after he does. I asked what could possibly happen that I will be turned down. He said he didn't know because he hadn't reviewed my file. I asked if he wanted some of the additional documents I brought with me. He said he didn't know because he hadn't reviewed my file. I said since I was just informed that my application's reason has changed, wouldn't it just be safe to at least take the letter of good standing from my law school. He said he didn't know because ... you guessed it! He hadn't reviewed my file.

I gave the fuck up.

As I walked out of the interviewing offices, I must have looked like blue murder. But I looked up and I could feel everything melt away as I saw my husband standing by our seats, waiting for me. He said he had gone to the bathroom and when he passed by the room on his way to the elevators, he saw all my stuff gone so he thought he'd stick around for about 15mins to see if I'd come out. I do not think I have ever been so happy to see him in my life. Seeing him for the first time and watching him walk through the front door when I threw my back out come close, but I cannot describe how it felt to see him there and know I wouldn't have to go home alone.

So I wait. The USCIS has 120 days to send me a determination in the mail and there is nothing I can do until then. And if nothing else has come out of this, I appreciate my husband a whole lot more than I did before I walked into that interview. I love you, bun.

he getting so big

Derek is growing up too fast. John and I want to give him coffee in order to stunt his growth, both physically and mentally!

He stopped kissing us at school drop-off a couple of years ago. If we don't kiss around the corner before heading on to the street the school is on, forget it. We get some kind of sideways hug and he runs off. His last year has been trying to go to school by himself. He is dying to have us just leave him at the bus stop and let him walk all the way by himself. I usually cross the street and let him go the rest of the way by himself, only because there is a crossing guard on his school's street. And I still walk far enough so I can see him go inside the building. Only just see him because he runs all the way once he leaves him.

We just started giving him an allowance and he's trying to save up to buy a Wii, but only until tempted by a bag of chips! I've also begun letting him go to the bodega by himself. I used to wait on my door stoop and watch him go and come back. Before that, I'd go with him and wait outside, because I can see in. Last weekend, I let him go all by himself while I stayed home. The bodega is 2 doors down on our side of the street and they know us very well. There are always a couple of old men sitting down on the sidewalk and they've rescued him from falling off his scooter and bike enough times to know who he is and who his parents are.

Gone is my little boy. I miss him. This kid is great and his vocabulary slays me. But I miss the little kid I had all to myself for nearly 4 years before we moved here. I think that last year we were in Trinidad was one of the best in terms of me and him. I knew I was going to have to share him soon and I lapped up as much time being with him as I could.

He's so much fun, and so funny. He can't tell a joke to save his life but he is learning about puns and he is hysterical. I really like hanging out with him and sometimes it makes me sad that the time is coming when he won't want to hang out with me.

My mother was such a big part of my world. My friends adored her and she ferried us all over the place. She hung around, but I never really felt she was cramping my style. You know, as much style as my skinny-ass self had in those days. So, no style!

But she always knew where I was, until I was about 17 or so and I got fed up of her and her craziness. She was different when my friends were around, so I encouraged them to be around a lot!

I really don't want Le Pie to think of his mummy the way I think about mine. I want him to be happy with the choices I made for him and us. He likes hearing about when it was just us in Trinidad, but he remembers very little.

He has no memory of ever seeing his birth father and it came as a huge shock to me when he told his Daddy he was angry with his birth father for not wanting him. He didn't ask me and that he asked at all made me feel like a failure. To make it worse, I've had 8+ years to prepare what I was going to say and when the time came, I was lost.

He asked when he was going through a really hard time (he's had a hard year - growing up is no fun sometimes) and it was difficult to juggle that particular conversation with what brought it on and then to discuss it in the context of everything that was troubling him.

I don't think I did as well as I could have. In hindsight, I should have discussed it with John about what we were going to say before just starting to talk. Both at home and at school it's drilled into him about making good choices and dealing with the consequences of when you don't. We tried to weave the conversation using what we've already been teaching him to understand. We tried to tell him that his birth father made his own choices and it had nothing to do with him, that he left long before Le Pie was born.

Still, it was heartbreaking. I dragged my ass on that for a long time. I really felt like I didn't do as well as I should have on it.

But, kids are resilient. He came out of all his troubles, just as bouncy as ever, and that whole mess is tabled for now.

He's not much of a talker of feelings and we've been trying to talk about that some more at home. But sometimes I feel he thinks we put too much emphasis on things he really doesn't want to deal with. But, hey, that's life, kid. And that's what parents do. They drive you insane.

But it has been one amazing experience watching him grow up. He's so cute and I still love kissing his face. I could nomnomnom those cheeks all day if he would let me. And his nosey is the cutest nosey in the world.

I find it hard to believe sometimes he is 8. He's going into 4th grade in September and that's his school's last year of elementary school. I don't know how much of this I can take. Soon there will be girls. Or boys. Requests for money for dating and liming with friends. A curfew. Snazzy clothes. Fewer conversations with his mam.

When he was smaller, I used to look forward to him growing up. Now, I wish he'd slow down a little.

waiting for simon pegg

and he came!

I found out ages ago, via his Twitter feed, that he has a book coming out and will be doing a signing tour in the States. Wha??? No where did I hear he was writing a book. When did that happen?

I love Simon Pegg. And by extension, Nick Frost, Edgar Wright and Jessica Hynes. I saw "Hot Fuzz" somewhere along the way a couple of years ago. I think it popped up in my Netflix recommendations based on my Morse and Inspector Lewis rentals. Whatever!

That movie changed my life!

Ok, maybe nothing quite so dramatic, but I fell in love with 3 men that day. I immediately set out to buy the DVD, realized I bought the wrong one and then set out to buy the 3-disc set! I eventually sent the first one to my son back in Trinidad. Derek's a bit young for the blood, gore and ... who am I kidding? Have you seen the video games this kid plays?

Hot on the heels of "Hot Fuzz" I rented "Spaced" which is kinda the first really big thing the 3 men did together and nearly died laughing. Somehow sensing kindred spirits, I convinced the husband to give his sister and her g/f the box set as a gift. I actually don't own it myself, but will be seeking to rectify that very soon.

Anyhoo, after that, anything Simon Pegg was in was a must-see. Edgar Wright-directed as well but I didn't care for "Scott Pilgrim", I'm very sorry to say. I couldn't make it through the entire movie.

I've seen "Star Trek", "Mission Impossible III", "Run Fatboy, Run", "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" multiple times. Funnily enough, I've only see "Shaun of the Dead" once. I loved it, but felt that "Hot Fuzz" better captured the love b/w Pegg and Frost and the direction was more kick-ass. I know "Shaun" is Pegg's baby, but no where does it say it also has to be mine.

So I began to follow his Twitter feed a few months back and the man is hysterical. John turned me into a bit of a comic-book geek and I tend to soak up any info when he talks. So I manage to get quite a bit of what Pegg's referring to. I think it would be amaze-balls to get Pegg and my husband in a room together.

When I reached the bookstore yesterday, I got there later than I intended because I got into a rant I seriously regret now and it made me stand in one place far too long screaming irrationally. I had to jump into a cab to get to the Strand on Broadway and E12th St and the line stretched around 2 corners. I went inside to buy a book for Jess but they were sold out! They said I would be able to get one when I go into get my own signed, if they don't sell out.

I was already angry and left the store so I wouldn't yell at the poor woman doing her job. Although I wrote my name on mine, I thought I'd send that to Jess if I get it signed because at least I'd have met him. I could always buy another copy later on.

So I waited. And waited. And waited. I wound up chatting with the woman in front of me and the man behind me in the last half hour or so and we all had a funny time sharing our silly celeb sightings and movies we liked. And how we'd stand in line for David Tennant!

That does not mean I didn't suffer for the first 2 and a half hours. Right in front of me, just before the woman I wound up speaking to, was 3 guys and 2 women. Red shirt came with his mom and the 3 other people might have been together. I isolate red shirt because he made sure to talk non-stop for 3 hours about everything under the sun. Oh man, I wished John was there! Never before have I ever wanted my husband to verbally bitch-slap someone as I did yesterday.

The guy talked incessantly about comics, movies, actors and spoke about none with any real knowledge. I knew more about comics than he did. The 3 people whom he met in the line couldn't get a word in edgewise and the girl with them looked so bored. I've seen some big-mouths in law school, but this guy is going to make me look at them with a great deal more affection. At least, they're in law school. He admitted he's a mama's boy. He also said Vin Diesel is the biggest D&D geek. He also said lesbians make the best friends for straight guys because when a guy is down, the girl will cradle them and it's a free feel-up. That's when I pulled out my iPod and put the volume on the highest so Lady Gaga's "Telephone" would drown out his sickening voice.

Anyhoo, I finally made it inside and my hand was shaking so bad I could barely take a picture. When I got up to Pegg, I couldn't say a word. Thank God I offered to get Jess a book as well because when he opened the book to sign it he asked where's Jess and I was still standing at the table after he signed mine. (Oh, he did say my name and said he liked it!) I said she's my sister-in-law and we had a cheery chat about her being in Oregon and not there.

Oh my God, he was a doll. He made everyone laugh so hard and hammed it up for cameras when he could. He didn't pose for pictures but let everyone take as many as they would like. He stayed to sign every book. I left at 10:30, when the store closed, and he was still there. I didn't get my book signed till close to 10 (after getting there about 6:15!) and there was still a snaking line behind me.

Someone asked what if he left before he got to us. I had read the book, "Nerd Do Well", and said that he really understands what it means to stand in a line to meet someone and has done it himself, even after he became a big star. I was willing to put money down that if there were people still waiting after 10:30, he was going to keep signing. And he did. There was no line outside the store when I left, but there were still people inside the store waiting.

His book is very funny and sweet. He writes lovingly about Nick Frost and his mum. I want my sons to feel that way about me when they get older. Pegg writes about calling his mum to tell her exciting things happening to him, and he's in his thirties!

Quite frankly, the best bit of the book is a self-indulgent story where Simon Pegg is a Bruce Wayne-type who has an adventure while the real Pegg writes his autobiography. It's split up throughout the book and you get a bit of the story every few chapters into the memoir. It's a stand-alone story and just the kind of thing everyone wants to write about himself or herself. It made me laugh out loud in so many places. I really wish I had told him how much I enjoyed that.

But, he signed my book, and Jess', and I took a couple of decent pix and recorded a bit of his silliness. He thanked people for waiting so long and took a few seconds to personalize every single person who stood in front of him. It was totally worth it.

field trip

My Contracts professor organized a trip to the 1st Appellate Division court today. A bunch of us from his class and 3 peeps from other sections showed up to get a small tour of the court house and sit in and watch appellate arguments. This court hears all kinds of appeals and since everyone appeals, this court is a busy one.

My shoes were giving me blisters and I was in agony for the 6-minute tour we got. I actually threw the shoes away afterwards. You do not want to see my toesies, who really hate me now.

The court house is just ornate. It still has much of the original marble and structure from when God was a small boy. For whatever reason, and I can't say I minded much, they kept the cloakrooms where lawyers hung their coats and top hats. It's right next to the the Western Union telegraph booth!

We were given the mini-show round by a sitting judge, who then took us into the room the 5 appellate judges use to discuss the cases after hearing the oral arguments. They get the attorneys' briefs and bench memos from their team of lawyers which give a recommendation about the outcome and they have about 4 or 5 days before hearing the arguments to read all that mess. Power to them!

My professor asked a very interesting question: if they get the info beforehand and a recommendation, and read all the briefs themselves, what good does the oral argument do? Attorneys rarely have more than 10 minutes, and even 10 minutes is a lot, to state their case and their briefs are hundreds of pages long. I'm not sure she gave a proper answer to the question. I think maybe the lawyers use the oral argument to sway the judges on a small matter of law or fact they might have overlooked. Or hammer home public policy. At least that's what my Legal Writing professor said last semester.

A lot of what I saw went against much of what said Writing professor said last semester! In fact, the judge even told us that if we're going out for Moot Court don't use ANYTHING we saw as an example! Too funny.

For example, it was hammered home not to talk over the judge's question. I practically have that tattooed on the back of my hand! Every single lawyer bull-dozed right over judge's questions!

The cases were actually interesting, and not too bad to follow, given that we were not aware of any of the facts beforehand. One case had to do with the Housing Authority and the Appellant lawyer kept referring to his client as "horrifically disabled". He said this multiple times and I cringed every time because one of the sitting judges is a member of the disabled community. He looked like a real show-off because when he asked for rebuttal time, he got a resounding "No" from the presiding judge. Ack!

Another case had a student intern for the appellant. The presiding judge told her supervisor to give her an A!

There were a couple of contract and employment law cases, which were fun. It's nice to know what all the terminology means and how it's being applied. Lots of interpretation, statutory and contractual. That was the best part, in my book. One case had the trial judge ruling that the contract had a clear and plain meaning. The appellant argued that there was another "plain" meaning, and it only has to be plausible, so parol evidence has to be admitted. Loved it!

There was even a procedural issue. A complainant did not move for default judgement at trial, when he should have, and now the other side wants the case dismissed but the respondent is going on about it! It was too funny. I wish I could have laughed out loud over that one.

The longest case was the most confusing. I think it had to do with lawyers! Ok, if the judges couldn't get the issue, how am I supposed to? I think what was going on is that the City... ok let's start from the beginning. If someone cannot afford an attorney, one is provided for them. By Legal Aid, because there is no Office of the Public Defender in NY. Fine. If, for some reason, LA cannot provide an attorney, the judge appoints one pro bono from lawyers in the court. Private practice lawyers are supposed to give up some of their hours to pro bono work. Apparently, NY wants to re-draft the system to do something else. What, I am not rightly sure, but it involves some brouhaha with the Bar Associations.

The last case was a tort medical malpractice case, which was boring and took about five minutes in all.

But it was great hearing the lawyers. Apart from that long case, no one spoke for more than 5 minutes. At the beginning, all the lawyers have to be present, regardless of when they are appearing, and request their time. Most asked for 5 minutes, some appellants asked for rebuttal time as well. There were 18 cases on the calendar, but only 10 were actually heard, as the others were only submitting the written briefs. Oh, 1 set of lawyers just stuck around, for nearly 2 hours, just to make sure the judges do not rule on their case as it is being heard before the Court of Appeals on Thursday! The presiding judge thanked them for waiting so long.

It wasn't the cat fight between lawyers you'd think it could be. In fact, many of the opposing lawyers shook hands and chatted. There was a full viewing house and most of the place got up and left after the Bar Association case. Maybe they knew what was going on!

The judges were awfully nice, not like the ones I had for Moot Court. Even when lawyers were talking over them, THEY hushed and waiting for the lawyer to finish. I wonder how much tattoo removal costs?

holidaying-pet

Has it really only been 10 days since my last final? It seems like forever. This month is really dragging on.

I've been so not a law student for the past 10 days, apart from grade-panic! I've cooked nearly every day this week (not today, I tired!), did laundry, cleaned the kitchen and trying desperately to keep it clean. I really want to put away the living room, but I want to watch tv even more. Guess which wins?

I start back school next Wednesday with Drafting for Contracts. Corporations starts the following week. I got a locker assignment and am going later to store my books and pick up some stuff from the copy center.

I gave up one of my 2 summer jobs, for reasons I cannot list here. But it was the right thing to do. The other job keeps me hip-deep in research and I work from home. No complaints there.

It's been nice to spend time with Derek. We've had tons of family time since I've been home, going out every weekend. My birthday is coming up, as is our outing to Yankee Stadium, which is my birthday gift to the husband. I'm really looking forward to that as it's my very first night game.

Other than that, I will plod along until friends return from places abroad and summer finals start to heat up. I'm so relaxed, I can wait for the tension, thank you very much.

lazy pet

God, it feels so good not to be studying or heading off to school or worrying about heading off to school and studying! It's going to start back in 2 weeks but I am taking advantage of the guilt-free time off while I can!

I slept till well after 11 today. I took Derek to the doctor and came home and made dinner and watched "M", an excellent Fritz Lang film which just stunned me with it's terrific-ness. Tomorrow is more of the same. Actually, less. I am waking up early to take Der to school but fully intend to come back home and sleep in between loads of laundry! And watch tv in between that!

And now that I've seen Ralph Macchio end his run on "Dancing with the Stars" I am going to hit the bed, where I will read for a while, then play Solitaire which always puts me to sleep. Thank you and g'night.