welcome to law school blogging

I don't think I like the word "blawg". Two law school blogs that I read on a regular basis use that spelling, but I been blogging longer than them 2 fellas born, so I figure I can spell it right and overlook the foilbles of today's youth.

Yes, I felt my age today. I have many things to write about but the problem is that when you write a blog that you hope people read is that people might actually read it. After hearing a lecture today about moral fitness and personal character, I choose to err on the side of caution and not bad talk people.

I do have to say though that I did have one disappointing experience today with someone who agreed to meet me and never showed up or apologized. It hurt me that I showed up an hour before I was supposed to and had to sit down like a mooks. I could have slept later and left home later. It made me oddly stressed out when she didn't show or call or email. Thankfully, I took my Contracts books with me and managed to get some work done in the hour. I choose not to have that one stain tar a school I actually love. I'll get over it and I think it's because I'm tired and every nerve is sitting at the surface, all raw and red, that I am stinging from it more than I should.

I also feel like I am too old to deal with shit. I have this weird notion that I have only so much time in which to do the things I want to do and even though I have the same 3 years as all my classmates I feel the need to get more out of it or something. That's not explaining it well. I just feel like the attitude I had at 21 isn't in me anymore.

Come to think of it, I was a pretty serious student at 21. And me at 21 didn't feel like I had the world at my feet. I felt pretty constricted by my circumstances. Now, actually, I feel like I have more open to me.

But I am 36 years old and I want to be able to take my career where I want to take it. I don't want to settle. Not with this. I've decided I don't want to cut corners or make compromises in this thing.

But, I digress. I meant to write about my day, my first day, at law school. It wasn't an easy day, in the sense that I felt very alone in a room full of people. I felt that way all day. I tried hard to shake the feeling, shake the hand crawling up my throat but I could feel it closing and squeezing. It's been such a long time since I've had to fight that particular feeling. It contributed to the feeling of exhaustion, along with the heat and the heavy bag. Oh, and the shoes that gave me blisters. You know who is wearing her slippers tomorrow!

But, oddly enough, I was happy to be there. I was happy when I was studying. I am looking foward to classes starting next week. Bring it, motherfuckers!

gettin' ready

I woke up at 6 this morning. Actually, I was already awake when my alarm went off. I felt sick, stuffy and was coughing. I really hope it's just an allergy and not a cold. Miss Kayrein is coming tomorrow and I don't need to be sick now.

I decided last night, in between this toss and that turn, that I should move my books and stuff downstairs to my desk. I cleaned everything off my desk except the sexy beast. I'm not sure what to do with it so I'm leaving it there for the time being. Louisa is more mobile, and the desk has a pull-out drawer, so there is space to use it there.

I put the books in piles by course on a shelf. I managed to use the space as a temporary storage area for them until better can be done.

I'd actually much prefer to be upstairs, but the layout of the flat really prevents that. Plus, my office chair is more comfortable than the sofas and I can always lodge myself on the bed. I'm really hoping I won't have to bring work home, but, like I said, I've seen the size of the lockers at NYLS. I'm not sure it can hold what I plan for it to hold!

I vacuumed the living daylights out of the downstairs living room when I was done. I threw out a lot of paper: so much that I had to bring a recycling bin liner downstairs to stuff everything in! I'm going to deal with upstairs in a while. I'm tired now and I'm hoping to get some Contracts work in today so I can relax tomorrow.

took a tour

NYLS offered a tour for students' friends and family this afternoon, so I took John and Pie. Pie's been before, so he was all over the place like an old hand. You'd think he was a student there.

I saw another family with little kids, so when Dean Perez divided the large group into 3 I sidled up into his group, thinking Der could have a little company. Well, I never saw those kids again and since Derek was walking around so confidently, I didn't have to worry.

Dean Perez came to tell me hi and that he read my blog. I immediately wanted to say that I'd take it down! But he said it was great and I was so embarrassed that I forgot to introduce John! Being singled out in a crowd was a little unnerving. It's easy to say and do stuff over the Internet. I didn't even recognize anyone I've been chatting with on FB.

The tour went great and this time I got to see where the lockers are (Lord, help me to find them again). I was a bit disappointed in the size. They are the size of a gym locker and I was hoping for bigger. If only to hold my winter coat! That fucker is huge! Ah well, if that's all I gots to complain about, so be it.

We also got taken from the new building over to the old one, which I'd not done on any other tour. I toured the old building over a year ago, when I was looking at law schools in the City. I loved NYLS even then.

The whole tour got me so excited to start on Tuesday. I forgot the days I just gave up to read and do assignments and just wanted to be in that beautiful building. I am going to have to go deep underground in the liberry to study, because if I sit anywhere else, I am going to just gape out the windows.

John liked the place a lot. He said it was beautiful and commented on how welcoming the atmosphere was in the school.

Then we went to check out the bookstore. There were also lots of people from the tour who came to get their books today, so it was really crowded. I been there so often, I was actually able to help. I might have to start charging this school! Anyhoo, I found a couple of books I missed and saw all the Legal Writing books were out, so I bought 'em. I spent nearly $500 in books this afternoon.

I think I am going to take a break from studying tonight. Tomorrow, I return to the salt mines.

the son luck club

I was reading the latest post over on Dooce.com and thanking the good God I have 2 sons. Yes, Chris is a teenager and we have our issues that go way back, but I love him and respect the hell out of him for being the kind of man I know I wanted him to be.

Unless I bite the big one, I am going to have to deal with Le Pie's teenage years. So far, he's still my little boy. Too much so, sometimes. Last night, I was watching Eddie Izzard on Netflix and he came and sat on the stool in front of me and just stared at me. For no reason, he said. He just wanted to be near me. I had to tell him that he has to give me some space when he sees me doing something that doesn't involve him.

Even as I was saying the words, my heart was breaking. He's been like a limpet attached to me for weeks, months now. He told me yesterday that he won't see me again for 3 years when I start school. I laughed and told him he'd see me every day. But I know what he meant. It won't be me and my little guy any more.

I've tried to make our time together this summer fun and memorable, for both of us, but it's been a double-edged sword. I've always liked liming with Pie, the same way I loved liming with Chris when he was small. I love the conversations we have, how they talk to me about stuff that I have no clue about but they think I do and just like talking to me about it. Chris was a riot at 7 and so is Pie.

Pie is so much fun to be around when we go out. He makes the most mundane task way more interesting just by being present. He's learning to give me my space when I am studying and pretty much leaves me alone. He goes downstairs and parks his butt at his Daddy's computer, turns on the tv and forgets all about moi. The main distractions at home are the tv and fridge! And when John is working from home, b/c Pie cannot be downstairs and gets bored.

The first year of law school is going to be the hardest, and most time-consuming. I need to do well and I need to be away from home to achieve that. Leaving John to single-parent it out when I have papers, midterms and finals is going to be tough. Not seeing Derek will be tougher. I need my piece of Pie to get through my life.

School starts in exactly one week. I need to get ahead of my reading at least by a week, which means that this week is devoted to Civ Pro and Contracts and not much else. I really want to kick the cooking and laundry to the curb. I'm happy to eat Crix and cheese (or the US equivalent, whatever that may be) and buckle down. But I simply cannot ignore John and Derek.

Plus, Kayrein comes to visit this weekend and I need a dose of home before next Tuesday. Which means that I have to finish the work I set myself by Thursday. And today is Tuesday. And the Pie has had no breakfast yet. Sigh.

And he just came to ask me if we can go to Coney Island this weekend. Double sigh.

bitch bitch bitch

With only 2 courses assigning material for the semester, I already feel swamped. I'm hoping to have at least the first week's reading for Civ Pro and Contracts done by the time school starts. I've taken to leaving the house or locking myself in the bedroom when I need to focus.

I've done one book for Civ Pro, but haven't answered the set questions or any of the other reading. And this is just for the first class... not the first week.

I've done reading from 2 books for Contracts, again just for the first class. I still have another piece of reading to prepare for it. Nothing has come for Torts and that worries me.

It doesn't help that Derek is talking non-stop to me these days. I cannot wait till he goes back to school so at least I have some time at home to read in peace. Sometimes, leaving the house is the only way to get some quiet, despite the Starbucks experience yesterday where not even my iPod could drown out that wretched music.

I think my shopping is going to done by today. I've bought all the books I could buy for now. I have Louisa the laptop and the Keen bookbag. I have some new clothes and plan to go to Target today to get some more. J&R Music World is also a stop to get an optical drive for Louisa. I think I own every pen in the world!

I do look forward to school starting. The first week seems a nice mix of class and welcoming events. Part of me wants it to start now and part of me thinks I could use another couple of weeks to come to terms with it! There is no pleasing me.

overwhelmed much?

So I got my schedule, section assignments and some assigned reading this week. The first day was just elation at getting stuff we should have got a week before and sharing with other NYLS-ers on FB. That was quite thrilling. We were all so excited, it was beyond cute.

Then a phone conversation with a classmate made me realize there was so much I didn't look at in the info they sent. We got access to the NYLS portal, where everything school-related will be kept. I just looked at the first week schedule and the reading assignments. I didn't even know the schedule for the entire semester was posted until I read an evening student's question about making it to a 4 o'clock class.

NYLS created a FB page for admitted students and it has been a boon. I've had so many questions and the goodly people I will be sharing the Mendik liberry with for the next 3 years have come through in spades. So have the student advocates from NYLS. And there are no stupid questions, let me tell you.

I finally found my schedule this afternoon and had to email my advocate to ask her if TR meant Tuesday and Thursday or just Tuesday. I was building my schedule to put up at home and I was awfully chuffed at the thought of having Tuesdays off. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I did also discover that I wasn't the only one flailing in that sea of confusion! I was a little relieved.

I've been trying to be calm and approach the reading the way I supposed to. So far, I have most of my Civ Pro books and have been reading "Storming the Court", which I'm about halfway through. I am hoping to create a timetable to share myself with all my reading and the boys. John had a look at my schedule and I can drop Pie to school Tues and Thurs and pick him up on Wed and Fri. I really hope this works out. I find I have to force myself to think about the other things in my life and recognize they need my attention as well.

On a lighter note, my sexy bookbag is arriving tomorrow, as well as some of my books. I ordered one from the NYLS bookstore and plan to head down tomorrow to pick it up. I'm also going to try to do some work while Le Pie is home... we'll see how that goes.

summer school sux

Le Pie decided to go to a very popular, academically-advanced summer school instead of regular camp this year. Last year, he stayed home because we thought it might be his last summer with me. One of the law schools I applied to was a part-time day and started in May, so we didn't want to take any chances by keeping him home this summer.

We should have.

He decided to go there because he had friends from his school there and because he (and we) thought the work would be like what he did in school. While both are true, it has become a frustrating experience for him.

There is almost no recess for his class. He says it's just "work work work and no free time". I think his teacher must be against summer vacation or something because she told me another teacher had to tell her to ease up on the homework. It is really oppressive.

She also has this thing against talking in class. Fine. They shouldn't be talking. But she gave Pie 1 30-sentence essay on why he should pay attention in class. He almost died over that one. She never even checked it. That really pissed me off. She takes away recess for talking. So that means he's not been outside to play for the last 4 weeks during the day. She also took away a field trip once. Both John and I are thinking laziness. Her classroom is one of the 2 the school is using that has a/c. Staying in there is much nicer than going outside in this heat, never mind the kids who need to stretch.

I had to make a comment on one of Pie's report sheets that not having recess is working against her. Pie is bored and was beginning to stray in class, finding other things to do beside his work. I also wrote that I was against cancelling field trips for talking.

A series of events led to Pie crying in frustration over this place. Since then, it's been a pep talk every morning from me to get him through his day. I don't think an 8-year-old needs that over his summer vacation. There are things with the camp that don't sit well with me and I told John I have buyer's remorse.

Le Pie has one more week over this and I already told him he can stay home the last day. They are supposed to go to Victoria Gardens for a grand trip and the teacher has been collecting points for talking from the kids and told him that if they get X points, they can't go. I want to know how she is going to tell parents their kids cannot go. Pie also said that she could cancel the first trip because that was free but the VG trip is already paid for, so she cannot cancel it. I told him not to worry and we decided to take him there as a birthday gift.

One concern we had was the Pie's experience here would spill over into his actual school when the new term starts. He's going into 3rd grade and there will be more work and more responsibility and if he hates summer school, he might not be so thrilled to go back to Harlem Academy.

But he seems to be separating the two. HA kids work very hard but they play very hard, too. It's mandated by the school that they go outside every day. On the days it's too hot or too cold, they might just walk around the block to get some fresh air but there will still be activities inside that they can have fun with, and sneak some learnin' in too! But nearly every day, they have an hour of recess and an hour of P.E. in Central Park. Bliss.

I've been having to pick Pie up at summer school at 3:30, although we paid for after-school and he's supposed to stay till 6. This is a kid I have to drag away from HA every day at 6. Drag. I have no recollection of wanting to stay in school past the set time.

I hated school. Hated it. Hated it. And I only have my parents to thank for that. Common Entrance was the death of childhood. In Standard 5, I had lessons before school started (at 8:30 a.m.) and after school ended (at 3:30 p.m.). My father made me go to lessons on both Saturdays and Sundays. Passing for SAGHS wasn't any great compensation for that misery.

It wasn't until UWI that I looked forward to going to school, for the learning part. SAGHS was miserably for me, academic-wise. I loathed Spanish and Math and I am not a memorizer, so History was painful. My only good subjects were English and Lit and the teacher pretty much sucked and I had to rely on my genetic talent to get through those. A'Levels was a bit better, but still tough for me.

UWI brought me into my own. If it wasn't for that, there would be no ambition to continue my education. I do not want Pie to feel the way I felt for 10 years. I still remember the sick feeling in my stomach every morning before heading off to school. I had good friends but the work was beyond me. I can only hope Chris had a better experience (but he's way smarter than me when I was in high school) and I do not want Pie to lose his enjoyment for school. The kids at HA have no clue as to how hard they work, because the teachers make the learning interesting.

I know we've been spoiled at HA, but I hardly regret it. I cannot wait for Pie to be done with this summer school.