when it rains

The Hwangs felt it this weekend. Crawling internet access, poor LSAT score, sicknesses, pet passing.

The only good thing was that Pie's EBT results came in the mail and he scored in the 99th percentile. At least I know my smarts went somewhere other than my foot.

I woke up Saturday morning to take a Pie for his first round of H1N1 vaccination. I checked my email and saw my LSAT score. I stared at it and walked back into the bedroom, woke John, told him and began to bawl. Pie ran downstairs to see what was wrong with Mummy.

I got it together fast for him and sent him back upstairs. I cried quietly in John's arms and then we decided to go ahead with the application processes and hope the strength of my essays will wow the crowd. But I was, and still am, crushed. I've never done so poorly in anything academic since Spanish in high school. And even that didn't disappoint me this way.

John spent the weekend being miserable from the cold. But he and Pie did go to see "Where the Wild Things Are" and he said James Gandolfini pretty much ran away with the show. Pie got a crown from his gymnastics class and he looked pretty cool wearing it. He wore it for a about 2 minutes when the movie started and then told his daddy it was making his head sweat, so he took it off.

Most of Friday and Saturday had me swearing and jonesing for the internets. We called Time Warner Cable and they did whatever and eventually John agreed to an appointment for Thursday! Thursday! I have to fill out forms online. Fuck Thursday.

But then John thought the cable itself might be bad and changed it. So far, so good. We're going to wait a couple of days and see how it goes before we cancel the appointment.

But last night was the worst. I went to bed early. I felt that John was snapping at me and I wanted to snap at him and my head was pounding and he was sick and the Pie was making too much noise and it did me in. I fell asleep in minutes. It felt like was only asleep for minutes when I heard, "Petal. Petal. Felix is dead."

There was much what-ing and Felix-is-dead-ing until it sunk in. John sounded like he was in shock. He couldn't even break it to me gently, he just had to say it. For a while, everything he said sounded like it came from outside of him. Felix is my... was my favorite pet but nothing I was going through was compared to John, who had him from a baby.

We put him in a box and woke Valentine. She clambered into the box and sniffed him a bit and then curled up next to him. That's when I lost it. Both Jackson and Mollie came downstairs and having all 4 pets in the same square foot made my allergies rise up something fierce. John's hands were already itching as he is slightly allergic to Felix. He was slightly allergic to Felix.

Felix. Past tense now.

We decided against telling Pie last night. I tried going back to bed twice but my right eye was itching so bad, I wanted to dig it right out. I'm pretty sure I scratched my cornea. We had no non-drowsy med so I had to wait it out. It hurt when I blinked. I washed my hands and face and stayed up with John for a bit while he was on the phone with the internet people. When he changed the cable, we played around online and then I went to bed.

I woke up to see Valentine still curled up next to her little brother. I'm not sure she closed her eyes all the way last night. It hurts to even think about her.

I told Pie and he was so unhappy. We'd already told him that we'd have to put down Valentimes (what he calls her) but Felix was a surprise. He didn't want to see Felix and I wasn't terribly unhappy about that. I didn't want his last memory of him to be all stiff in a box.

John's awake and we're going to call the vet to see about cremation and disposal. We also decided we might have to move up Valentine's trip to the beyond. We were so distressed at the thought of having to go through this another 3 times. I'm so glad I made callalloo yesterday. I need all the comfort food I can get.

Le Pie est ici

In an effort to not think about the LSAT score, I called Shelly. And talked about the LSATs. Sigh.

However, we did manage to talk of other things, including her trying to get me to take a train to Maryland to help her unpack. More sigh.

The Pie came up and I was telling her how we live a fairly quiet NY life, as compared to the frantic idea that most people have of New Yorkers. We don't have small children, two jobs, have to walk up several flights of stairs to get home. Only one of us has to be in rush-hour traffic and both my husband and child can come home to hot food most days of the week.

And the Pie is in a school he truly loves. That is so foreign to me. I hated school. Not just like everyone else. I truly hated the place. Elementary school holds no good memories to me. I went to 2: Aranguez Islamia and San Juan Presbyterian. All my older siblings went to AI and were very well-known, and my mother was adored there. I hated that school. I had a couple of friends, but most of the other kids didn't like me because I was bright.

SJP was no better. There, my father was revered. My absolute worst memory comes from that school and my sainted father is right in the middle of it.

I hated getting up in morning. I hated putting on that garbadine uniform. I hated walking up the steps to my classroom. I hated the feeling of wondering if I was going to get hit by the teacher, with a stick, a ruler, his hand or the back of a handbrush. My 5th Standard teacher instituted the tap: students were allowed to "tap up" (slap behind the head) of any other student who was standing to answer a question and made a mistake. One girl's mother was a teacher in the school and after her daughter got her first tap, her mother came to our teacher and told him that the child gets headaches and to not tap her anymore. The rest of us could go suck duck egg. I still remember the first and only time I ever got hit on the back of the head by the boy sitting next to me because I made a mistake reading from a science book. I wanted to close that big, thick textbook and slam him upside the face. I have no idea to this day how I managed to contain myself. I didn't blame the boy, who told me he was sorry afterwards. No one enjoyed doing that to the person standing up. It was a tiny way of sharing the licks, especially among the kids who were beaten more often than others. I just hope that teacher died a slow and painful death.

But.

I digress.

Pie just does not have this experience in school. Neither did Chris. Pie just has the best damn time in school. He does not know how lucky he is. He wouldn't have this experience in public school, or in any other private school for that matter. He does so much in a day and it never feels oppressive, the way my school work did. He's allowed to think for himself and express himself, not a wild way, but in a controlled, creative way that still gives him freedom.

I am so glad neither of my children had to go through what I did. Corporal punishment was against the law by the time Chris went to school, but I still made it very clear that I would not tolerate any teacher putting God out of her thoughts.

Ok. Back to Bom.

law school applications

I'm not sure that filling out law school applications was the way to get my mind off the LSAT score. My heart speeds up whenever I see Inbox (1) in my email tab. I wake up in a panic every morning, wondering if today is the day. I read in someone's law school blog that she did amazing as an undergrad and had all kinds of stuff going for her but she didn't get a great LSAT score and saw more rejections than acceptions.

I'm only applying to 6 schools, in the New York City area: Cardozo, NYU, NY Law, Fordham, CUNY Law School and Columbia. Anywhere else is too far and would require me to move. Actually, even CUNY is far, but...

Fordham means I can come home during the day. Columbia, too, but I don't have the highest hopes for Columbia. NYU is one of my favorite places and there are 2 wonderful scholarships that are right up my alley. NY Law has massive classes. Cardozo has small classes and is the front runner, just ahead of Fordham and NYU, as they are all terrific intellectual property law schools. I think I'm really going into international IP, which might be helpful if I ever have to move back home.

So I've been filling out applications and writing down everything that had to get left out or is needed specifically for a school. The 2 schols for NYU require separate essays, I also need to write 2 Addendums for all the apps to explain why there are 2 LSAT scores and why I there's an employment gap between 2005 and 2009.

[John gave me a small journal yesterday and it is coming in so handy to jot down all these things. I am also waiting on a plug for my Mac. It's okay to fill out the forms on Derek's laptop but I need a lot of stuff that's saved on my hard drive to write the essays. John's computer is on the fritz as well and he is waiting on a video card. I can do research on his, if it were working, but I cannot type on his weird ergonomic keyboard. I need the Sexy Beast for my juices to flow.]

I'm also trying to get the feel of where IP is going and what is needed to get into an academic career. I attended a terrific IP conference at NYU over the summer and am going to a conference on teaching law at Cardozo next month.

Ok, enough of this. Must get back to filling out forms.

the lsat chonicles - the aftermath

I am so afraid of these results. I am trying to prepare myself for a score that just won't cut it. I can't put into words how I feel about this test. I felt I did so many things wrong, things that never went wrong before.

I forgot to set my watch before the first section, which was Reading Comp. I had the dials set to 12 but I forgot to press the knob when the examiner said to start. As a result, I had no idea of the time I was wasting and only had 5 minutes to do the last passage. I'm not even sure I aced the first 3 passages.

Then there were 3 Logical Reasoning sections, one of them being experimental, 2 before the break and one after. I was dead tired by the break and it didn't help that the door slammed into my toes and I wanted to faint from the pain. I just had to suck it up.

The proctors made a huge deal about not lining up for bathrooms. I took the test in a high school. Very nice facilities but I had a side-along desk, bigger than the ones I took the tests on at Kaplan, but cramped all the same. All of my stuff kept falling off. It was so irritating.

Anyhoo, we were told there were bathrooms on all the floors (tests were on the 4th and 5th floor and I was on the 4th) and not to line up, just go use the others. Fine. But we weren't allowed to use the elevators, even though the proctors made full use of them, lazy gits. What the fuck where they saving their energy for? To call 5 minutes? To walk around and pick up 20 or so books in a room.

Again, I digress. So I went down to the 3rd floor before the test started to use the bathroom, only to find it locked. I knew the one on the first floor was open, but I didn't want to walk up 4 flights of stairs yet again. So I went back to the line on the 4th floor and the woman who was in front of me let me go in front of her because she said I was there before her. So nice.

At the break, when the proctors again announced not to stand in line, I shouted that the bathrooms on the 3rd floor were locked. I had to shout because they refused to listen when I spoke softly. By then I was so irritated and vexed (and I hadn't even hurt my toe then) with their stupid proclamation, that I just shouted. We got the staff bathroom on the 4th floor open but the lines were long everywhere. I guess the proctors wanted to go home by noon or something, but they had no choice but to wait for everyone to use the bathrooms.

I was so tired after the 3rd Logical Reasoning. I was so looking forward to the Logical Games section but by the time it came, I was exhausted. And it was so easy. Again, I mismanaged my time and wanted to throw the pencil when time was called.

I got through the writing sample. I was so upset. The test was so easy. It should have been easy for me. Nothing in it was a surprise or undoable. I don't know what happened to me. I just felt crappy.

The rest of the day was great. I got home by 1:20 and John was so surprised when he and Pie came home from Pie's gymnastics class that he thought I left the test early or something. The proctors were efficient, minus that bathroom thing, and we started on time and moved very quickly because each room only had about 20-25 people. There were no problems in my room and seemed to be few all-round, judging by the fact that nearly everyone left the building at the same time.

We hung out at home. I went to Old Navy, tired as I was, and bought a Cardy Coat. I missed Shelley because I had no one to model it for but John liked it. I'm trying to get him to buy me another one.

We went to dinner at Ollie's and had a good time. We brought home enough food to eat the next day.

Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning with a sore throat. By the next day it was a full-on cold and I've been laid up all week. I feel better today than I have since Sunday and I don't want to over do it but we have company on Friday and Sunday and I have to get a-house-cleaning. John has been terrific, taking the Pie to school, picking him up, doing dishes and being sweet to me, even when I mouth "I AM SPARTA!"

I am hoping for the best re the LSATs and, after this post, will try not to think about it till the scores come in. Think good thoughts for me.

the lsat chonicles - before test day

I don't have much to say except that I hope I do well tomorrow. I am officially tired of the LSATs and I feel like I am jinxing myself not to improve a 153 by feeling that way. I spent this week going over the June test. I hate inference and flaw questions. I feel like I betraying myself by even typing that.

I kept a lot of the techniques Tutor taught me. I did like having the ability to choose what works for me. New Tutor added a lot but it gave me a sense of empowerment to be able to weed out what I didn't like from her stuff and slip in what I knew works for me.

John is taking me to Ollie's for dinner after the test. Then, the wait begins.

for Aliti

1. What color is your toothbrush? Blue and white

2. Name one person who made you smile today? John

3. What were you doing at 8:00am this morning? Heading to breakfast with the family

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Same thing as right now: Watching the Pie play in the pool

5. What is your favorite candy bar? Kit Kat

6. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Yes, when I was small

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Oh my God" when I saw a girl hitting her smaller brother

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Nestle Crunch Dibs

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee

10. Do you like your wallet? Very much

11. What was the last thing you ate? Breakfast: a mushroom, bacon and cheese omelet, potatoes and toast.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Yes, a t-shirt for the Pie.

13. What was the last sporting event you watched? Baseball

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Butter

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? A friend

16. Ever go camping? Narp

17. Do you take vitamins daily? Narp

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Narp

19. Do you have a tan? Narp

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Narp

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Not always

22. What did your last text message say? "We're going to be late bc of rain"

23. What you doing tomorrow? A lot of sleeping

24. What was the last movie you saw at the theater? "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

25. Look to your left, what do you see? The wall

26. What color is your watch? Silver

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? An aboriginal woman I interviewed for one of the first stories I ever wrote for the "Guardian"

28. What's the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? "What time is it?"

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-through? Go in

30. What is your favorite number? 81

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? The husband

32. Any plans today? Watch the Pie play

33. How many states have you lived in? 1

34. Biggest annoyance right now? Other people

35. Last song listened to? "This Used to be My Playground" by Madonna

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Sure

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? I wish

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My slippers

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Yarp

40. Is anyone jealous of you? I hope so

41. Do you love anyone? Yarp

42. Do any of your friends have children? Yarp

43. What do you usually do during the day? Study, sleep, read. It's a tough existence

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? Yes, absolutely

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yarp

46. What color is your car? If I had one, I hope it would be green

47. Do you like cats? Yarp

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yarp

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Narp

50. How did you get your worst scar? C-section to get the Pie out the oven

i want to be 7 again... but only if i can be my mom

Pie had the best surprise birthday party ever. I want to post the pix I took but my Mac is playing up in its tail and I have to take it in to a Genius Bar to make sure it's only the plug and not something else. Sigh.

It was a small party. We were hoping for a big do in Central Park, but our friends' prior commitments combined with thunderstorms led to a few close friends in our home. Pie spent the night by his grandmother and everyone, except one kid and his mom, got to the house before he did. It was pretty great because all the kids, except the one who came later, have all been over and know the place well. They all found themselves in Pie's room, having a grand ol' time with his toys. We didn't tell Pie that till yesterday!

Pie told John later that when he saw all the people in the living room, just before he walked inside, he wanted to ask what they were all doing in his house. LOL! When they all shouted, "SURPRISE!", he stopped. It was like he froze for a couple of seconds, the threw his hands up and shouted, "YAY!"

It was terrific.

He made a beeline for his friends and they (6 boys and 1 girl) all went to his room. The 1 girl was almost 3 and threw herself in with them quite happily, in between shouts of, "Mummy, I want cupcake!" I told everyone that I was just waiting for the last boy to arrive and then we'd do the cakes and presents.

Pie picked out his own cupcakes from Buttercup Bake Shop. It seemed so much nicer than a cake, especially since there would be 5 vegans and having a extra cake would seem odd. I didn't want anyone to feel left out or weird, so I got vegan cupcakes from Whole Foods. I had some of the icing and it was so good, almost better than the non-vegan ones.

When we called everyone for cake, I don't think you could have held them back with a team of horses. Pie was just so elated. He looked so happy when everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to him. He asked (and got) a #7 candle and 7 individual candles and he blew each one out separately. AND made a wish for each one. That took some time.

Then he opened presents and loved every thing he got. He got a cool Nerf football and some books and even some cash. He got some Moon Sand, but the little girl finished that for him. She had a blast and all the boys told on her because she made a huge mess. John had to bring out the Shop Vac. Her mom and I sat back and let her go. She was happy to be in the thick of things with the boys. They played with Pie's Moon Sand that he got for Christmas and she played with the one he got that day. Unfortunately, that is now inside the Shop Vac and I promised her mom that I am getting her Moon Sand for her next present!

John's mom cleaned up most of the mess downstairs and even wiped the kids' feet because they were all knee-deep in Moon Sand. Have I mentioned I hate Moon Sand? Well, John was in charge of cleanup, so I didn't have to hate it quite so much that day.

Everyone had a blast. The kids played downstairs and parents took turns (except me) to go check on them while my MIL stayed down there, for the most part. But, really, they took care of themselves. They were all really good kids and we locked the dog and the cat in our bedroom, because one of our friends was allergic, so there was no pet to get underfoot. They had free reign of downstairs and enjoyed themselves hugely.

The grown-ups yakked upstairs and there was much mirth to be had. I was so happy to see everyone have a good time. I laughed so hard, my voice almost disappeared. After everyone left, I abandoned the husband and child and went to bed. I woke up in the morning to a clean house and a bad cold. It was worth it to see Pie's face. I don't think he could have had more fun if he tried.