Lifestyle change 2/14/21

I got food poisoning over the weekend of 2/5/21. Come 2/7, I went cold turkey and zapped bread and cheese from my diet. No more. For a while. 

I discovered that I do not hate salad. I found 2 places that make salads that I love. One place, Healthy Choice Gourmet, lets me create what I think is the perfect salad: spinach, grilled chicken, corn, cucumbers and tomatoes with Italian dressing. 

There is more yogurt in the fridge to help with digestion. I have fruit in there. I'm going to re-introduce fish a couple times a month. I bought a scale. I intend to lose 100 pounds by next February.

I don't want to starve myself. I would like to come off my meds to see if that would aid weight loss, but I am concerned that my mental health will hit the skids and I may not exercise enough to maintain a balance. I'll talk to my doctor but I'm not sure it's a great idea to stop. I don't want to lose motivation.

I have decided not to give up rice but eat it only when I cook it. I'm going to increase my fiber and protein and get on the treadmill for at least 10 minutes every day until I can do more. I'm also going to work in 15 minutes of yoga before the cardio.

I'm 46 years old right now. When I go back to Trinidad, I want to look and feel different. I am very motivated and I don't want that enthusiasm to wane. I really want to do this, for so many reasons, not the least of which is my own health and stamina. I'm also hoping to honestly document this. I've seen many people on a weight-loss journey also kept a diary or journal. I want to put my feelings somewhere.

After about a week of eating against my usual diet, I'm not sure what has changed, if anything. It may be mind over matter. I am excited by the challenges I've taken on re my career and intellectual stimulation, and I want some of that mental energy to be transferred to this challenge. It's not been challenging so far. I expect there will be bumps and I am hoping I do not slip into past habits. I want this new me to be proud of the effort I made to get to the reward. I don't want to hate it. It could be hard but I don't want to hate it. Like law school. It was hard but I loved it. I love who I am because I went to law school. 

I had a kid at 19, a second kid all alone at 27, moved to a new country with that 3-year-old to marry a man I met online. I endured a difficult situation trying to adapt. I experienced the worst depressive bout ever. I went to law school, graduated with honors and prizes, passed the New York State Bar exam on the very first try and got a job that I am very good at. I am amazing and I need to see that. I can do this.

I really want to do this. I hope I can do this.