when it rains

The Hwangs felt it this weekend. Crawling internet access, poor LSAT score, sicknesses, pet passing.

The only good thing was that Pie's EBT results came in the mail and he scored in the 99th percentile. At least I know my smarts went somewhere other than my foot.

I woke up Saturday morning to take a Pie for his first round of H1N1 vaccination. I checked my email and saw my LSAT score. I stared at it and walked back into the bedroom, woke John, told him and began to bawl. Pie ran downstairs to see what was wrong with Mummy.

I got it together fast for him and sent him back upstairs. I cried quietly in John's arms and then we decided to go ahead with the application processes and hope the strength of my essays will wow the crowd. But I was, and still am, crushed. I've never done so poorly in anything academic since Spanish in high school. And even that didn't disappoint me this way.

John spent the weekend being miserable from the cold. But he and Pie did go to see "Where the Wild Things Are" and he said James Gandolfini pretty much ran away with the show. Pie got a crown from his gymnastics class and he looked pretty cool wearing it. He wore it for a about 2 minutes when the movie started and then told his daddy it was making his head sweat, so he took it off.

Most of Friday and Saturday had me swearing and jonesing for the internets. We called Time Warner Cable and they did whatever and eventually John agreed to an appointment for Thursday! Thursday! I have to fill out forms online. Fuck Thursday.

But then John thought the cable itself might be bad and changed it. So far, so good. We're going to wait a couple of days and see how it goes before we cancel the appointment.

But last night was the worst. I went to bed early. I felt that John was snapping at me and I wanted to snap at him and my head was pounding and he was sick and the Pie was making too much noise and it did me in. I fell asleep in minutes. It felt like was only asleep for minutes when I heard, "Petal. Petal. Felix is dead."

There was much what-ing and Felix-is-dead-ing until it sunk in. John sounded like he was in shock. He couldn't even break it to me gently, he just had to say it. For a while, everything he said sounded like it came from outside of him. Felix is my... was my favorite pet but nothing I was going through was compared to John, who had him from a baby.

We put him in a box and woke Valentine. She clambered into the box and sniffed him a bit and then curled up next to him. That's when I lost it. Both Jackson and Mollie came downstairs and having all 4 pets in the same square foot made my allergies rise up something fierce. John's hands were already itching as he is slightly allergic to Felix. He was slightly allergic to Felix.

Felix. Past tense now.

We decided against telling Pie last night. I tried going back to bed twice but my right eye was itching so bad, I wanted to dig it right out. I'm pretty sure I scratched my cornea. We had no non-drowsy med so I had to wait it out. It hurt when I blinked. I washed my hands and face and stayed up with John for a bit while he was on the phone with the internet people. When he changed the cable, we played around online and then I went to bed.

I woke up to see Valentine still curled up next to her little brother. I'm not sure she closed her eyes all the way last night. It hurts to even think about her.

I told Pie and he was so unhappy. We'd already told him that we'd have to put down Valentimes (what he calls her) but Felix was a surprise. He didn't want to see Felix and I wasn't terribly unhappy about that. I didn't want his last memory of him to be all stiff in a box.

John's awake and we're going to call the vet to see about cremation and disposal. We also decided we might have to move up Valentine's trip to the beyond. We were so distressed at the thought of having to go through this another 3 times. I'm so glad I made callalloo yesterday. I need all the comfort food I can get.