a look inside my mind

letting it go

2012-02-12T10:36:00.002-05:00

So I'm trying to be a big girl and cope with what happened last Tuesday. I was so disappointed. I hate being disappointed more than any other emotion. It's the worst feeling for me. But, there is nothing I can do about it. I have a lot of great people sending me good thoughts, and I know there is a very slim chance of me not getting a positive determination. Maybe I can think of it as the agent having more time to really see I can be an asset here. My little guy is already a citizen and I'm doing pretty well here, all things considered.

Ok. Back to being a grown-up. And good thoughts to the agent who is reading my file. I hope he gets to go on holiday soon.

Semester is going well, this past week included. I took the day off on Wednesday and slept till 3 in the afternoon. I needed that. I felt refreshed for the first time in a while. I even presented my case in Labor Relations on Thursday, feeling way more confident about it since I prepped it weeks ago!

Work is also going well. I've asked to continue through the summer. I feel I can get more out of the experience if I am able to see some things through the process, rather than in piecemeal. My boss seems pleased with me and the intern manager said that if I really wanted to stay, I'd get an upfront pick before he chooses summer interns. Fingerseyestoes crossed.

I'm in school today, trying to get through the readings for Labor Relations and Admin Law for the week. I'm also not as on top of review as I was last semester, so I need to start using my weekends more wisely. It's hard when it's so cold, the husband is so warm and the baby is so cute. But I wind up suffering by not doing what I should be doing. I cannot afford to be lost so early in the semester and I've already begun to feel that way in Admin Law. In class, anyway. I need to catch up for this past week.

So, Back to Bom!

my citizenship interview... or don't believe everything you see on the internet

2012-02-09T13:24:00.009-05:00

So, since I've chronicled (and lost) my entire journey from meeting John to my last green card interview, I figured I should put this to web page as well. Plus, it might help with the anger issues I've been having!

So I basically fired my lawyer b/c she was charging me $400 an hour to fill out forms. Since she'd already filled out the actual citizenship application, I let her go. I got my interview for Feb. 7 at 1:35 p.m. and downloaded the 100 questions you're supposed to memorize and started to learn.

I asked John to take the day off from work to go with me, and I'm glad I did. I wanted Derek to come as well, but I'm glad he didn't. We got there at 1p.m. and sat down.

The place was packed to the gills. There were at least 200 people there. As soon as I sat down, I asked the woman next to me if she had been waiting long. She had been there for her 9:55a.m. appointment and was still waiting. WTF? She didn't get called till 3p.m. I do not know how she held it together in that interview. These interviewers have our futures in their hands and pissing them off means you get to re-apply!

John said he was going to leave at 4 to go pick up Derek. We were clear across town and he was concerned about getting to the school on time. We waited and waited. He made me laugh, I read my Kindle, he tested me on the questions and even went to get me a bottle of water. The crowd thinned out ever so slowly. At 3, I began to worry if they were going to get to everyone today and if they were going to send people home after 5p.m. It is a government work, after all.

Some people came out of their interviews very happy, clutching their naturalization ceremony letters. It was pretty clear that no one was going to get sworn in that afternoon, but I thought that was ok, since I wanted some people to be present at mine. I watched a lot of the USCIS video on going through the interview process and that was a massively huge mistake.

Those videos lead you to believe that the interviewer reviewed your file PRIOR to seeing you. He goes over the application form pretty closely and gives you the civics and English proficiency tests. Once you pass, you get a letter to go pick up your date for the swearing-in ceremony. You are not told how you feel ass-fucked when it's over.

John leaves at 4:15, and not two minutes later my name gets called. I keep thinking that John probably hasn't even left the building yet! I follow the man into his office, raise my right hand and swear to be truthful.

I have no rapport with this interviewer. He is very self-conscious of large patches of eczema on his head and face and won't make eye contact with me. When I try to engage him, he looks away. So, to allow him to look at me, I had to slightly turn my body away from his and look past his right shoulder. He seemed much more relaxed when I did that. Do not cry down neurolinguistic programming to me, ever. That shit works!

He started with the history test, as he called it. He asked me 6 (Who is the Speaker of the House? When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? For how long do we elect the President? Who lived in America before the colonists? Name one of the longest rivers in the US and I forget what the 6th question was) and I answered the 6 in a row and that ended there.

I read a sentence about Abraham Lincoln and wrote a sentence about Abraham Lincoln.

I was then informed that I was no longer applying for citizenship based on my marriage but because I had been a permanent resident for more than 5 years. Um... okay. He ran through my application, asking me only one substantive question about what I did between 2006 and 2008 when I wasn't working. He asked me how was I supporting myself now and I said I was in law school and my husband is gainfully employed. That should have been a red flag right there that he had no idea what was in my file.

He then informed me that I passed the interview and English proficiency parts but since the place was closing soon (it was 4:30p.m.) he could not render a decision. I asked who else has to see it before a decision can be made. He bridled and must have thought I was asking something else, because he said that he interviewed me so he will be going through the file. I think it hit him that couldn't be what I was actually asking when I started to ask why he couldn't just do that now. He said someone has to see it after he does. I asked what could possibly happen that I will be turned down. He said he didn't know because he hadn't reviewed my file. I asked if he wanted some of the additional documents I brought with me. He said he didn't know because he hadn't reviewed my file. I said since I was just informed that my application's reason has changed, wouldn't it just be safe to at least take the letter of good standing from my law school. He said he didn't know because ... you guessed it! He hadn't reviewed my file.

I gave the fuck up.

As I walked out of the interviewing offices, I must have looked like blue murder. But I looked up and I could feel everything melt away as I saw my husband standing by our seats, waiting for me. He said he had gone to the bathroom and when he passed by the room on his way to the elevators, he saw all my stuff gone so he thought he'd stick around for about 15mins to see if I'd come out. I do not think I have ever been so happy to see him in my life. Seeing him for the first time and watching him walk through the front door when I threw my back out come close, but I cannot describe how it felt to see him there and know I wouldn't have to go home alone.

So I wait. The USCIS has 120 days to send me a determination in the mail and there is nothing I can do until then. And if nothing else has come out of this, I appreciate my husband a whole lot more than I did before I walked into that interview. I love you, bun.

he getting so big

2011-07-07T17:10:00.006-04:00

Derek is growing up too fast. John and I want to give him coffee in order to stunt his growth, both physically and mentally!

He stopped kissing us at school drop-off a couple of years ago. If we don't kiss around the corner before heading on to the street the school is on, forget it. We get some kind of sideways hug and he runs off. His last year has been trying to go to school by himself. He is dying to have us just leave him at the bus stop and let him walk all the way by himself. I usually cross the street and let him go the rest of the way by himself, only because there is a crossing guard on his school's street. And I still walk far enough so I can see him go inside the building. Only just see him because he runs all the way once he leaves him.

We just started giving him an allowance and he's trying to save up to buy a Wii, but only until tempted by a bag of chips! I've also begun letting him go to the bodega by himself. I used to wait on my door stoop and watch him go and come back. Before that, I'd go with him and wait outside, because I can see in. Last weekend, I let him go all by himself while I stayed home. The bodega is 2 doors down on our side of the street and they know us very well. There are always a couple of old men sitting down on the sidewalk and they've rescued him from falling off his scooter and bike enough times to know who he is and who his parents are.

Gone is my little boy. I miss him. This kid is great and his vocabulary slays me. But I miss the little kid I had all to myself for nearly 4 years before we moved here. I think that last year we were in Trinidad was one of the best in terms of me and him. I knew I was going to have to share him soon and I lapped up as much time being with him as I could.

He's so much fun, and so funny. He can't tell a joke to save his life but he is learning about puns and he is hysterical. I really like hanging out with him and sometimes it makes me sad that the time is coming when he won't want to hang out with me.

My mother was such a big part of my world. My friends adored her and she ferried us all over the place. She hung around, but I never really felt she was cramping my style. You know, as much style as my skinny-ass self had in those days. So, no style!

But she always knew where I was, until I was about 17 or so and I got fed up of her and her craziness. She was different when my friends were around, so I encouraged them to be around a lot!

I really don't want Le Pie to think of his mummy the way I think about mine. I want him to be happy with the choices I made for him and us. He likes hearing about when it was just us in Trinidad, but he remembers very little.

He has no memory of ever seeing his birth father and it came as a huge shock to me when he told his Daddy he was angry with his birth father for not wanting him. He didn't ask me and that he asked at all made me feel like a failure. To make it worse, I've had 8+ years to prepare what I was going to say and when the time came, I was lost.

He asked when he was going through a really hard time (he's had a hard year - growing up is no fun sometimes) and it was difficult to juggle that particular conversation with what brought it on and then to discuss it in the context of everything that was troubling him.

I don't think I did as well as I could have. In hindsight, I should have discussed it with John about what we were going to say before just starting to talk. Both at home and at school it's drilled into him about making good choices and dealing with the consequences of when you don't. We tried to weave the conversation using what we've already been teaching him to understand. We tried to tell him that his birth father made his own choices and it had nothing to do with him, that he left long before Le Pie was born.

Still, it was heartbreaking. I dragged my ass on that for a long time. I really felt like I didn't do as well as I should have on it.

But, kids are resilient. He came out of all his troubles, just as bouncy as ever, and that whole mess is tabled for now.

He's not much of a talker of feelings and we've been trying to talk about that some more at home. But sometimes I feel he thinks we put too much emphasis on things he really doesn't want to deal with. But, hey, that's life, kid. And that's what parents do. They drive you insane.

But it has been one amazing experience watching him grow up. He's so cute and I still love kissing his face. I could nomnomnom those cheeks all day if he would let me. And his nosey is the cutest nosey in the world.

I find it hard to believe sometimes he is 8. He's going into 4th grade in September and that's his school's last year of elementary school. I don't know how much of this I can take. Soon there will be girls. Or boys. Requests for money for dating and liming with friends. A curfew. Snazzy clothes. Fewer conversations with his mam.

When he was smaller, I used to look forward to him growing up. Now, I wish he'd slow down a little.

waiting for simon pegg

2011-06-14T15:56:00.004-04:00

and he came!

I found out ages ago, via his Twitter feed, that he has a book coming out and will be doing a signing tour in the States. Wha??? No where did I hear he was writing a book. When did that happen?

I love Simon Pegg. And by extension, Nick Frost, Edgar Wright and Jessica Hynes. I saw "Hot Fuzz" somewhere along the way a couple of years ago. I think it popped up in my Netflix recommendations based on my Morse and Inspector Lewis rentals. Whatever!

That movie changed my life!

Ok, maybe nothing quite so dramatic, but I fell in love with 3 men that day. I immediately set out to buy the DVD, realized I bought the wrong one and then set out to buy the 3-disc set! I eventually sent the first one to my son back in Trinidad. Derek's a bit young for the blood, gore and ... who am I kidding? Have you seen the video games this kid plays?

Hot on the heels of "Hot Fuzz" I rented "Spaced" which is kinda the first really big thing the 3 men did together and nearly died laughing. Somehow sensing kindred spirits, I convinced the husband to give his sister and her g/f the box set as a gift. I actually don't own it myself, but will be seeking to rectify that very soon.

Anyhoo, after that, anything Simon Pegg was in was a must-see. Edgar Wright-directed as well but I didn't care for "Scott Pilgrim", I'm very sorry to say. I couldn't make it through the entire movie.

I've seen "Star Trek", "Mission Impossible III", "Run Fatboy, Run", "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" multiple times. Funnily enough, I've only see "Shaun of the Dead" once. I loved it, but felt that "Hot Fuzz" better captured the love b/w Pegg and Frost and the direction was more kick-ass. I know "Shaun" is Pegg's baby, but no where does it say it also has to be mine.

So I began to follow his Twitter feed a few months back and the man is hysterical. John turned me into a bit of a comic-book geek and I tend to soak up any info when he talks. So I manage to get quite a bit of what Pegg's referring to. I think it would be amaze-balls to get Pegg and my husband in a room together.

When I reached the bookstore yesterday, I got there later than I intended because I got into a rant I seriously regret now and it made me stand in one place far too long screaming irrationally. I had to jump into a cab to get to the Strand on Broadway and E12th St and the line stretched around 2 corners. I went inside to buy a book for Jess but they were sold out! They said I would be able to get one when I go into get my own signed, if they don't sell out.

I was already angry and left the store so I wouldn't yell at the poor woman doing her job. Although I wrote my name on mine, I thought I'd send that to Jess if I get it signed because at least I'd have met him. I could always buy another copy later on.

So I waited. And waited. And waited. I wound up chatting with the woman in front of me and the man behind me in the last half hour or so and we all had a funny time sharing our silly celeb sightings and movies we liked. And how we'd stand in line for David Tennant!

That does not mean I didn't suffer for the first 2 and a half hours. Right in front of me, just before the woman I wound up speaking to, was 3 guys and 2 women. Red shirt came with his mom and the 3 other people might have been together. I isolate red shirt because he made sure to talk non-stop for 3 hours about everything under the sun. Oh man, I wished John was there! Never before have I ever wanted my husband to verbally bitch-slap someone as I did yesterday.

The guy talked incessantly about comics, movies, actors and spoke about none with any real knowledge. I knew more about comics than he did. The 3 people whom he met in the line couldn't get a word in edgewise and the girl with them looked so bored. I've seen some big-mouths in law school, but this guy is going to make me look at them with a great deal more affection. At least, they're in law school. He admitted he's a mama's boy. He also said Vin Diesel is the biggest D&D geek. He also said lesbians make the best friends for straight guys because when a guy is down, the girl will cradle them and it's a free feel-up. That's when I pulled out my iPod and put the volume on the highest so Lady Gaga's "Telephone" would drown out his sickening voice.

Anyhoo, I finally made it inside and my hand was shaking so bad I could barely take a picture. When I got up to Pegg, I couldn't say a word. Thank God I offered to get Jess a book as well because when he opened the book to sign it he asked where's Jess and I was still standing at the table after he signed mine. (Oh, he did say my name and said he liked it!) I said she's my sister-in-law and we had a cheery chat about her being in Oregon and not there.

Oh my God, he was a doll. He made everyone laugh so hard and hammed it up for cameras when he could. He didn't pose for pictures but let everyone take as many as they would like. He stayed to sign every book. I left at 10:30, when the store closed, and he was still there. I didn't get my book signed till close to 10 (after getting there about 6:15!) and there was still a snaking line behind me.

Someone asked what if he left before he got to us. I had read the book, "Nerd Do Well", and said that he really understands what it means to stand in a line to meet someone and has done it himself, even after he became a big star. I was willing to put money down that if there were people still waiting after 10:30, he was going to keep signing. And he did. There was no line outside the store when I left, but there were still people inside the store waiting.

His book is very funny and sweet. He writes lovingly about Nick Frost and his mum. I want my sons to feel that way about me when they get older. Pegg writes about calling his mum to tell her exciting things happening to him, and he's in his thirties!

Quite frankly, the best bit of the book is a self-indulgent story where Simon Pegg is a Bruce Wayne-type who has an adventure while the real Pegg writes his autobiography. It's split up throughout the book and you get a bit of the story every few chapters into the memoir. It's a stand-alone story and just the kind of thing everyone wants to write about himself or herself. It made me laugh out loud in so many places. I really wish I had told him how much I enjoyed that.

But, he signed my book, and Jess', and I took a couple of decent pix and recorded a bit of his silliness. He thanked people for waiting so long and took a few seconds to personalize every single person who stood in front of him. It was totally worth it.

field trip

2011-05-31T18:31:00.006-04:00

My Contracts professor organized a trip to the 1st Appellate Division court today. A bunch of us from his class and 3 peeps from other sections showed up to get a small tour of the court house and sit in and watch appellate arguments. This court hears all kinds of appeals and since everyone appeals, this court is a busy one.

My shoes were giving me blisters and I was in agony for the 6-minute tour we got. I actually threw the shoes away afterwards. You do not want to see my toesies, who really hate me now.

The court house is just ornate. It still has much of the original marble and structure from when God was a small boy. For whatever reason, and I can't say I minded much, they kept the cloakrooms where lawyers hung their coats and top hats. It's right next to the the Western Union telegraph booth!

We were given the mini-show round by a sitting judge, who then took us into the room the 5 appellate judges use to discuss the cases after hearing the oral arguments. They get the attorneys' briefs and bench memos from their team of lawyers which give a recommendation about the outcome and they have about 4 or 5 days before hearing the arguments to read all that mess. Power to them!

My professor asked a very interesting question: if they get the info beforehand and a recommendation, and read all the briefs themselves, what good does the oral argument do? Attorneys rarely have more than 10 minutes, and even 10 minutes is a lot, to state their case and their briefs are hundreds of pages long. I'm not sure she gave a proper answer to the question. I think maybe the lawyers use the oral argument to sway the judges on a small matter of law or fact they might have overlooked. Or hammer home public policy. At least that's what my Legal Writing professor said last semester.

A lot of what I saw went against much of what said Writing professor said last semester! In fact, the judge even told us that if we're going out for Moot Court don't use ANYTHING we saw as an example! Too funny.

For example, it was hammered home not to talk over the judge's question. I practically have that tattooed on the back of my hand! Every single lawyer bull-dozed right over judge's questions!

The cases were actually interesting, and not too bad to follow, given that we were not aware of any of the facts beforehand. One case had to do with the Housing Authority and the Appellant lawyer kept referring to his client as "horrifically disabled". He said this multiple times and I cringed every time because one of the sitting judges is a member of the disabled community. He looked like a real show-off because when he asked for rebuttal time, he got a resounding "No" from the presiding judge. Ack!

Another case had a student intern for the appellant. The presiding judge told her supervisor to give her an A!

There were a couple of contract and employment law cases, which were fun. It's nice to know what all the terminology means and how it's being applied. Lots of interpretation, statutory and contractual. That was the best part, in my book. One case had the trial judge ruling that the contract had a clear and plain meaning. The appellant argued that there was another "plain" meaning, and it only has to be plausible, so parol evidence has to be admitted. Loved it!

There was even a procedural issue. A complainant did not move for default judgement at trial, when he should have, and now the other side wants the case dismissed but the respondent is going on about it! It was too funny. I wish I could have laughed out loud over that one.

The longest case was the most confusing. I think it had to do with lawyers! Ok, if the judges couldn't get the issue, how am I supposed to? I think what was going on is that the City... ok let's start from the beginning. If someone cannot afford an attorney, one is provided for them. By Legal Aid, because there is no Office of the Public Defender in NY. Fine. If, for some reason, LA cannot provide an attorney, the judge appoints one pro bono from lawyers in the court. Private practice lawyers are supposed to give up some of their hours to pro bono work. Apparently, NY wants to re-draft the system to do something else. What, I am not rightly sure, but it involves some brouhaha with the Bar Associations.

The last case was a tort medical malpractice case, which was boring and took about five minutes in all.

But it was great hearing the lawyers. Apart from that long case, no one spoke for more than 5 minutes. At the beginning, all the lawyers have to be present, regardless of when they are appearing, and request their time. Most asked for 5 minutes, some appellants asked for rebuttal time as well. There were 18 cases on the calendar, but only 10 were actually heard, as the others were only submitting the written briefs. Oh, 1 set of lawyers just stuck around, for nearly 2 hours, just to make sure the judges do not rule on their case as it is being heard before the Court of Appeals on Thursday! The presiding judge thanked them for waiting so long.

It wasn't the cat fight between lawyers you'd think it could be. In fact, many of the opposing lawyers shook hands and chatted. There was a full viewing house and most of the place got up and left after the Bar Association case. Maybe they knew what was going on!

The judges were awfully nice, not like the ones I had for Moot Court. Even when lawyers were talking over them, THEY hushed and waiting for the lawyer to finish. I wonder how much tattoo removal costs?

holidaying-pet

2011-05-26T11:13:00.004-04:00

Has it really only been 10 days since my last final? It seems like forever. This month is really dragging on.

I've been so not a law student for the past 10 days, apart from grade-panic! I've cooked nearly every day this week (not today, I tired!), did laundry, cleaned the kitchen and trying desperately to keep it clean. I really want to put away the living room, but I want to watch tv even more. Guess which wins?

I start back school next Wednesday with Drafting for Contracts. Corporations starts the following week. I got a locker assignment and am going later to store my books and pick up some stuff from the copy center.

I gave up one of my 2 summer jobs, for reasons I cannot list here. But it was the right thing to do. The other job keeps me hip-deep in research and I work from home. No complaints there.

It's been nice to spend time with Derek. We've had tons of family time since I've been home, going out every weekend. My birthday is coming up, as is our outing to Yankee Stadium, which is my birthday gift to the husband. I'm really looking forward to that as it's my very first night game.

Other than that, I will plod along until friends return from places abroad and summer finals start to heat up. I'm so relaxed, I can wait for the tension, thank you very much.

lazy pet

2011-05-17T21:52:00.003-04:00

God, it feels so good not to be studying or heading off to school or worrying about heading off to school and studying! It's going to start back in 2 weeks but I am taking advantage of the guilt-free time off while I can!

I slept till well after 11 today. I took Derek to the doctor and came home and made dinner and watched "M", an excellent Fritz Lang film which just stunned me with it's terrific-ness. Tomorrow is more of the same. Actually, less. I am waking up early to take Der to school but fully intend to come back home and sleep in between loads of laundry! And watch tv in between that!

And now that I've seen Ralph Macchio end his run on "Dancing with the Stars" I am going to hit the bed, where I will read for a while, then play Solitaire which always puts me to sleep. Thank you and g'night.

when does a 1L stop being a 1L

2011-05-14T08:57:00.004-04:00

When I finish my last exam on Monday? When I get grades? When I finish summer courses? When I drop dead from being so tired?

I feel bone-weary. I can hardly keep my eyes open. It's been a long couple of weeks. I blame Crim Law. No. I'm seriously not going to let that go. It's to blame for cancer as far as I care.

I start one of my summer jobs on the 23rd. It's just a part-time writing gig, working from home. I'm taking all of next week off, once Lawyering is over. Sleeping, mostly, whenever I feel like it.

The back pain is starting to ease up a little. It was bitchin' during the Property final. I had to sit perfectly upright for the heating pad to hit the sore area and it wasn't the most conducive to typing. You know that lovely hunched over the keyboard position you must assume during an exam as you furiously type away the issues? Yeah. Not for Mummy Pet. I looked like I was wearing a corset!

I'm looking forward to next year. I'm a Campus Advocate, so I get to brief the new newbies on the ins and outs. I start to specialize, which should be fun, especially since I have no excuse for bitching as I chose the courses I will be taking. I've managed to do a couple of things that require non-legal writing, so I won't forget how to write like a person. Plus Law and Literature.

Even summer should be interesting, in spite of having to wear a suit in 90º weather! I won't be posting about where I'll be working and any real specifics about the job, but I do have a job and I wanted it and was thrilled to get it. But it will stay off of FB and this blog. I don't think it's secret or sensitive, just good form and it's better to be safe than sorry. Sadly, it means that the husband will bear the brunt of any ranting! But, what are husband for?

hopefully last crim law post

2011-05-06T07:12:00.005-04:00

The final was yesterday. It was not in the least bit surprising. After setting exams for 25+ years, the dude cannot come up with anything new. Lucky for me.

I was so relieved, for most of it. I did have 2 moments of panic. I killed the Patterson analysis during my prep but in the exam, I completely blanked on a hugely important step. I had about 10 minutes left during the planning time (he gives us an hour to read and plan before we can actually start typing) and I lay back in my chair and began to pray. I repeated over and over, "C'mon, Petal, you know this." I got worried that someone might hear me so I took a bathroom break I didn't actually need. I went and sat in the stall and said it louder! No dice.

I couldn't sit there for more than a couple of minutes so I went back and hoped by the time I get to the question, I'd remember the damn thing. I had actually got to about three-quarters way done with my answer when it hit me. I was so relieved. This is was one question I should not have had any trouble with and I was reasonably happy with my answer.

The other issue was an approach dealing with felony murder. I remember the barest bones but I couldn't remember the application of the analysis. Nothing brought that sucker back at all.

I had a 3rd issue that had nothing to do with me. A law school exam is usually a fact pattern followed by a question. The fact pattern is very important in that it contains all the information you need to spot the issues. Every piece of information is there for a reason. In this exam, there was a fact pattern that threw in 2 last names (or first names, I have no idea) that were not present anywhere else in the pattern, which was in the form of a newspaper report. Now, I had a serious problem with this. In a Crim Law essay, I reasoned, you'd need witnesses and expert testimony and I had no idea who these 2 people were. The info was nice, yes, but to whom am I supposed to attribute it?

So I called a proctor. They gave me a form and I filled it out. They said they would contact the prof and bring back an answer for me. Let's just say that my experience with this man did not fill me with hope. The form provides a stock answer and anything that is outside that answer has to be announced to the entire class. Guess who sent back the stock answer, which is really no answer at all? Give the girl a kewpie doll.

This man is so disrespectful. That was such a glaring mess. What the hell was I supposed to do with it? I really didn't have time to guess who these people were and I had to just leave it. I was really surprised that no one else raised the issue and a couple of people I spoke to after the exam didn't seem to even notice it.

There is nothing I can do about it now. I thought about taking it to Academic Affairs, but I don't know that it will change anything, especially if no one else cares. I should stop caring as well. The exam is over and I don't ever have to see this man again. But this class raised such ire in me that I cannot explain. I feel like I have to teach my Crim Law for the Bar and I am paying a hell of a lot of $ to get educated about what I need to practice. Gone are the days of theory. I recently sat in front of the school's Dean who talked about preparing attorneys for practice. Clearly, someone didn't get the memo. I know nothing about rape, robbery and we never had any debate about outcomes in a case, many of which were screaming for a different kind of analysis. I have no idea why he is allowed to continue to teach 1Ls Crim Law. Let him glory in his field and leave the Crim to people who can teach it.

I have no interest in Crim Law and never will, but I expected this class to be the most interesting of the lot. I expected the most debate over judicial opinions. I expected a professor who would smile as he saw his students pretend to be prosecutors and defense lawyers and argue points of law. I got nonce of that!

I really need to find a way to let this go. It's over. Time to focus on the exams from classes I enjoyed.

i are going through a "grah"

2011-04-24T12:04:00.003-04:00

A grah is an especially black period of bad luck. If you believe in that sort of thing.

I lost my wallet. I had my NY ID and green card in it and that is the most tiresome and frustrating part of it. Replacing my green card could take up to a month, or more, and I cannot get New York ID without it.

I'm bummed about the rest of the stuff but mostly because I cannot do anything about the lost credit and insurance cards. John is primary holder in everything and he has to make all those phone calls. I'm staying out of his way for the next few days.

I called the one card in my name and got that sorted. They even checked to see if any purchases were made yesterday, when I didn't use the card at all. Thankfully, nothing.

I think I lost it getting out of a livery cab in the rain yesterday morning. But I remember taking out the money to pay the cab and putting the wallet back into my pocket. I took money out before we got to our stop and I didn't get any change, so had no reason to take the wallet back out. It was raining really hard and I was so mad that I had to get out of bed to take Derek to Saturday Club in that mess and then find out when I got there that there was no Saturday Club because of the long Easter weekend and then take him back home. But I could swear I put the wallet back into my pocket before I left the cab.

I looked all over the house this morning. It's a pretty big wallet, so it can't fall behind a crack or something. It's also brand-new and just the day before I was telling John how much I loved it because it was so big.

These things happen to people every day and there is no reason for me to shut down over it. The green card thing is troubling, but I will be sending in the request tomorrow morning and praying after that. My new card will be arriving on Thursday and I can stay home to wait for it. In the meantime, finals are looming and I need to focus and study and stay out of John's way!

Oh, and I lost one of the rubber thingies on my ear buds this morning. Thank goodness I will be getting a new iPod and headphones next Saturday. But it's hell on my ear till then.

no job, no glory

2011-04-23T11:02:00.004-04:00

So I've been a bit worried that I have no summer job while most people in my class have found some kind of internship or externship. I'd really like a part-time anything at this stage. Anything legal, that is.

I am taking 2 classes over the summer. Corporations is on Tues and Thurs nights and Drafting for Contracts is during the day on Wednesdays. Not the greatest schedule in the world, but I think I can get away with just taking Wednesdays off, depending on the job.

I discovered an excellent opportunity for a dream internship, but its out on Long Island. Even with the angel on my shoulder trying to at least get me an interview, I wouldn't blame the guy for not even wanting to give that to me. The commute can be up to 2 hours, if I choose to get as close to his practice as I can, and it would mean half days two days a week and one whole day off. Who wants that, no matter how great she thinks she is? There's more to think about than the angel.

I've been applying everywhere. I've gone outside my field of interest now and even applying for research jobs. Nothing is uninteresting or isn't something I can learn from, but no one is even getting back to me.

I attended a session by the Career Services office that offered suggestions about tweaking a resume and following up on jobs already applied for. They seem to think that I still have time since I can apply for jobs after exams and still get 8 weeks on a gig if I start July 1. Sound advice, no doubt, but there are things in there that don't make that realistic for me. And what about a holiday with my family? I should be getting 2 weeks off between summer exams and the start of school that I can use to go see my sisters-in-law in Portland. Or our friend Drew in Colorado. Or go to New Paltz. Or have Chris come to visit. Or sleep late.

But, I tweaked my resume and if I'm lucky, I might get to make myself a bit more marketable. But I'm stopping in the middle of next week because I have to study. I needwanthavetoget better grades and the job hunt is just slowing me down.

Monday

2011-04-18T14:32:00.004-04:00

So I met with a couple of practicing lawyers and sitting judge yesterday and none of them even ever heard of choice retribution. Just wanted to throw that out into the void.

1L is winding down. Bang pointed out on his calendar "This is how long we have as 1Ls" and I guess it's not really sinking in right now. I'm really excited about 2L, but I still have finals to get through.

My depression is not good. I haven't felt this bad since my days at the Guardian, when all I wanted to do was sleep. Right now, that is exactly what I want to do, and want to do it all the time. I black out when I go to bed and wake up unrested and sleepy. I feel like I haven't slept well in days.

I feel unprepared for finals this time around. There is so much going on and my attention is split in so many directions and I'm just unfocused and unmotivated. So many people are getting away with so much shit in here, it isn't funny. It's actually kinda scary. I'm running out of coping skills and it might be time to tweak the meds.

Of course, posting this vulnerability on a public blog might be fodder for my classmates, all two of them who read it!

A good thing was mini moot court this morning. A few people from my writing class got together and we practiced our advocacy skills. One person spoke while the others acted as judges, firing questions. It went really well. The only problem was that we've been dealing with this all semester and we're out of questions to ask. There's only so much a 1L can anticipate and we are trying to find exit strategies for all kinds of questions. The practice is good, nevertheless, and if Major Moot Court didn't have that pesky writing requirement, I'd so go out for it!

first step to 2L-ness

2011-04-07T13:35:00.005-04:00

To say this week has been stinking from the word go is a grand understatement. I have been feeling distant and lonely and very depressed. Home is not the salve it should be and school is pressure because finals are coming up.

A not-sucky thing was a Labor and Employment Law Society event I went to last night. I had fun, learned a lot and made a couple of contacts. I also discovered this morning that I am the Vice President of the Society, having contested the post unopposed. That was nice to wake up to.

One other tiny sliver of a silver lining and that was 2L registration last night. I managed to register with relative ease and only had 2 issues. I got closed out of Professional Responsibility and my Spring part of Explaining Law to the Public was showing up as an error. Both got sorted before I went to bed shortly after 1 a.m. Assistant Registrar Raymond Grant is a rock star, a god, a saint and an angel who walks on earth.

So here's the line-up:

FALL
Explaining Law to the Public I
Professional Responsibility
Evidence
Employment Discrimination
Memo and Brief Writing
Justice Action Center Colloquim course

SPRING
Explaining Law to the Public II
Sexuality and the Law
Employment Law
Alternative Dispute Resolution
Law & Literature
Intro to Constitutional Law

Now I'm exhausted. I have an interview with Prof Contracts from last semester for a TA position and I do not feel like I could put together a coherent sentence. I also have the Leg Reg reading for tomorrow morning and there is an event I'd like to attend this evening. But I am so tired and bleary-eyed. And midnight registration has very little to do with it.

tonite's the nite

2011-04-06T15:07:00.003-04:00

The day every 1L looks forward to: registering for 2L! Actually, the last day of exams is probably more on track with reality, but go with me here.

We register at 12:01 am for the 2L year. Yep. You read right. Tonight. I'm sure there's some great reason that has to do with a server, but, motherfucker, I rather be sleeping.

Here's a good one. I almost would be. I thought registration was tomorrow night and made plans to suit. I happen to overhear someone talking about tonight and wondered if they got some kind of special permission to register 24 hours ahead. Who do I have to blow to get that?

Turns out, I wuz so wrong, I couldn't be wronger if I was a baseball! I can't imagine what I would have done if I came to school in the morning and realized I had not registered and everything I wanted was closed off!

I think I'm fairly safe in the classes I've chosen for my concentration. What worries me are the mandatory classes I have to take: Evidence, Professional Responsibility and Constitutional Law. Everyone wants this professor or that, and I am no different. I've done some asking around about profs I don't know for the first 2 courses and think I made some good choices.

The other classes should be easy enough to swing, I hope. It's getting a bit nerve-wracking as the day draws to a close. I'm glad I will be at Labor and Employment Law Society shindig tonight (even though I'm very sleepy) because it will help pass the time. I'll get home after 10 and will annoy the husband until it's time to register.

I fully expect to be wired afterwards and asked John to take the kid to school in the morning. I don't have to be in school till 2, so I can sleep nice and late. Hopefully, it will be a happy sleep.

Larissa

2011-04-04T13:53:00.003-04:00

When you heard her talk, you looked around for Patty or Selma. Or that woman Cheri Oteri played on SNL. You knew that voice meant you ball was never coming back from over her fence. Or you WALKED past her driveway. Never ran. And you left her dog alone.

But when you turned around, what you see is Gorgeous. Heavy brown hair, with reddish tones, bedroom eyes and slim thighs. Her beauty was like a Lara poem and it was no mistake her mother named her Larissa. Next to her, nearly always, was Martha. Not even her clunky gray wrap could hide her stunning body. She chose to uglify herself, tying her dirty blonde hair into a tight ponytail, which only emphasized her well-scrubbed, All-American, girl-next-door face.

But that voice. That Old Bostonian with a hint of Adirondacks cultivated only by years of smoking 2 packs a day since she was 14. Larissa got invited to her first boy-girl party and cadged a pack of her mom's smokes to make an impression. She kissed her first boy and he told everyone he fingered her during two minutes in the closet and she got a "rep". A week later, she kicked him in the 'nads and the jokes stopped. To her face, at least.

She met Martha in college and they were never apart. But they'd been not apart for nearly nine years and life had grown into a comfortable routine. However, their bodies synced for the last nine years meant that they got their periods at the same time. One night a month, they came alive. Tampax-buying night also meant cheap boxes of Chardonnay from the Piggley-Wiggley and mozzarella breadsticks from Pizza Hut.

undecided about blog post title

2011-04-02T09:38:00.004-04:00

So I found out that there are slots open in a project-based learning course and I applied for it. It's a 2-semester course and I had to pore over my schedule yet again. I signed up for a second class over the summer. I'm now taking Drafting for Contracts and Corporations and all the classes are from 6-9-something at night!

I'm also job-hunting like crazy. My Judicial Externship does not seem to be panning out and I am now panicking about summer employment. I'm applying all over the place but most places would have already filled their summer vacancies and I'd be lucky to get an interview at this stage. Personally, I won't die without a job. Professionally, it feels like suicide.

I am excited about the project course, which does mean that I will have one less exam per semester! However, I had a look at my Spring exam schedule and I have 3 exams in 3 days! Ack!

and so it begins

2011-03-31T15:46:00.003-04:00

Man, I miss "Babylon 5"!!!

The gunning is in full force now that we're all competing for fewer class spaces next year. I knew it was coming, but it still hit me splat in the face. I guess I have no interest in not helping people, but I'm also not really advertising the fact.

It's seems a little less real, this semester, that exams are so close. A month left of school. A month left of classes.

Also, 2L registration is next Thursday. I just found out I got into the Justice Action Center and I'm seriously waffling about joining. I just spoke to a classmate, someone who has no stake in it whatsoever, and he gave me some good advice about joining. However, I had re re-adjust my Fall schedule and give up Professional Responsibility. What that does mean is that I don't have a class that starts before 2 for the entire Fall semester!

Also, no class on Fridays for the entire academic year!

I also realize that a lot of people I know will no longer be in many of my classes. It looks like my field of study is not the most popular choice! It will be tough to keep in touch even though we will be in the same place at the same time. And I will have to make new friends all over again. I guess that can go in the plus column for the JAC.

Machel at MSG

2011-03-27T12:46:00.006-04:00

Just to put it out there, this is the first blog post using the Mac. We all welcome Lady Di to the fold. *crowd goes wild*

Also a warning: I is a Trini writing like a Trini, so read at your own risk of understanding.

Ok, Back to Bom.

On Wednesday, March 24, I saw a link on a friend's FB page to the NY Times about Machel Montano playing at the Garden on Friday, March 26. I didn't even stop to think. I immediately set the ticket-buying process in motion and called the husband to make sure we didn't have plans for Friday night or he didn't have plans of his own. I tell you, if he did, I was going to pull every feminine wile I had and beg, borrow and steal the rest to convince him to change HIS plans. His dream of a threesome was thisclose to coming true!

But, he didn't, I pressed buy! Gots me a front circle seat. A couple of years ago, I saw Machel at the same place and bought a cheap seat in the back. This time, I wanted him to sweat on mih!

I got to the Garden just minutes before 8, the scheduled start time, so I was glad not to have to wait for the to start. Mistake.

First up was Treveni, or some such band, I really couldn't tell you, and two Indian boys from the Bamboo calling the people place Madison Square GardenSZ. Fellas, if all you too stupid to pronounce the name of the biggest venue you will ever play, go back home and play at the Nagar. Dem boys was too happy to tell we that it was the first time Chutney ever make it to the Garden, and I coulda dead from shame. First of all, Machel did bring Drupati Ramgoonai when he was here the last time and, yes, she sing "Roll up de Tassa", the chutniest of all chutney soca next to "Lotay La", and wine up she waist all how. Dese two mooks couldn't wine for nothing. It really ent have no second of all.

Then they was finally done and I began to breathe once more. You getting the feeling I against chutney? Well, yes. I against chutney. Chutney soca, maybe, since its aim is actually a fusion of the two styles. But singing lawa music and calling it chutney isn't my cup of tea. It is divisive and promotes a hypocrisy I cannot stand. These same coolie people does let they daughter go to chutney shows and wine they ass down to the ground and love it, but wouldn't let the same girl children go to a tent or play mas because they might rub up on a black man. Kiss my ass, yes.

Ok. Back to Bom.

I got happy too soon, because the 2 boys announce Rikki Jai: "I say Rikki, you say Jai!". I sit down. Wait, I was already sitting down. No matter. I pull out my phone. Thank God I charged it before I left home. Rikki went on about how he didn't mind coming 2nd last year because he save the good stuff for the $2m pot this year. I hear so much about that $2m that I was ready to vomit. More about that to come.

Then Rikki Jai reminded us that we been fans for 20 years. And he bus out "Hold de Lata Mangeskar, gimme soca", and I realize I knew all the words and remember Rikki Jai in he two-tone shirts and shiny pants. He still favoring the shiny-ness, as per his suit, but all a we old now.

He sing something else and I can't tell what it is because I never hear it before and I was deep in "It" on my Android Kindle.

Then some announcer come on and try to tell some rather racist jokes and I steups up and started to play Solitaire. Like they feel we needed an intermission after half an hour of Chutney. I ready to cuss.

It was 9 o'clock before Mr. Man decide to grace the stage. Keep in mind MSG does kick he out at 11, so why he wasting my time with a shit DJ, I just didn't know.

Well, I have very few complaints after that. I jump. I wine left. I wine right. I wine down and I wine back up. It was just bes'. I seriously coulda get charge! (Btw, that is a kick-ass song! I like it more than "Advantageous" and not just cuz I in law school and de song name "Illegal"!)

Oh, and there was a tiger. Yes, a tiger. I am not sure what the hell that was about. Machel come on stage, get in a cage, and presto, zappo, there was a tiger in the cage. They wheel the cage off and Machel rise up from below the stage. Huh. I did try not to study it, but it really was just weird.

He could still wine and I had forgotten how charming his smile was. He wore what look a pair of pants made from vinyl. He even say, "Mih pants cyah take too much, eh!" He looked a little paunchy, but he was as dutty as ever.

After he kill we with the 2011 songs, he start to go back in times. He sang a couple songs by people who have died, Wayne Rodriguez and $hel $hok, and he bus out nearly all the Xtatic big tunes. Farmer was there, and Peter Lewis. And since I know Machel since he small and was "Too Young to Soca", that was my favorite part of the night.

Nah, I lie. He start the cannibal roar from "Congo Man" and I nearly die dead. Then Sparrow come out and I scream so hard, I had to take a drink of water. Sparrow looked so frail, his pigeon-toe chip look like a old man shuffle now. He was old when I was small, but his voice was still so powerful. "Congo Man" is my all-time favorite Sparrow calypso and I still remember when I was old enough to understand what the lyrics meant. Shock and awe! Especially when he drop the "You lie!" on you. Genius!

Then you can't have a King without a Queen, so Rose come out. I've never been a Rose fan. Not because I didn't like she, but she wasn't really on my radar. I knew "Fire in you Wire" and "Tempo" (which I love because my mother from San Fernando!). She was out of my picture when I was growing up.

She sing the two songs (really, the only ones I know!) and Machel call back out Sparrow and presented them with plaques and saluted them blah blah. All a dat was nice, but you can't have Trini without commess. I don't know what Rose story was, but it didn't look like she cared to share the stage with Sparrow and when she get she plaque, she ramble on and on about Australia and New Zealand and flying the flag dere and how Machel is she son and he go fly the flag blah blah. Every time we think she done (and poor Sparrow think she done too because he keep raising his mike to thank Machel) she have something more to say. Or repeat. She just said the same thing about 6 or 8 times.

Finally, she shut up. Sparrow bus out some Midnight Robber lines for the boy and the crowd went wild. Even Machel look stunned. Then, he turn around and shuffle off. But Rose look like she vex she get upstaged and open she mouth again. I pull out meh phone. She say Machel go bring home a Grammy and she left. Fina-fucking-ly.

Machel also brought Benjai and Patrice. I didn't know who she was, either, but I wine anyway. Speaking of wine, Machel's winer girls (sorry, HD dancers) was just boss. And Miss Brittney. I hope he paying that girl well because she might not have children later on in life. She have one sweet ass, though. Every time the winer girls (sorry, HD dancers) come on stage, I was mesmerized!

So, the fete start to wrap up and Machel start he spiel about the government and the $2m and I didn't really want to hear any Kamla ass-kissing. He say how people asking him how he going to spend the money and he say he give $100K to a children's charity. I pick up my coat and start walking out. That is not how I want to see Machel stroking he self.

Then he call Kernal Roberts out from behind the drums. He is Lord Kitchener's son and is the musical director for Machel's band (in whatever incarnation it is). Machel announced when he get he money from the government, he is giving one million dollars to Kernel ("Kernel, boy, you is not a thousand-aire, you is a millionaire). I didn't see Kernal's face when Machel made the actual announcement, but I turned around right after and saw the shy boy watching the ground. I really didn't know what to make of that. A search on the Guardian's website got me some more info about the man and it look like he was a force to be reckoned with from long time.

But, I was already at the door, having made the long trek from the first circle, through the sold out Theater. I was hot, sweaty, hungry and wired. This concert wasn't as good as the last one, which was the best show I've ever seen, anywhere, by anybody, but it was still a slice of home. I had a real good time. Ask my broken body. It'll tell ya!

third-wheely

2011-03-18T09:03:00.003-04:00

It's hard making friends. There's no Mummy to hold your hand just before you enter the school doors telling you how awesome you are and how everyone in the room is going to see it too and before you know it, you'll make friends and you won't even remember that you were so worried no one would like you. Just talk to someone, she'd say, and it's easy peezy lemon squeezy after that.

It took a long time to get the friends I gots. I had the best group of friends in high school and it really hurts that we're not in touch other than the odd, weird FB post now and then. In fact, if they check their feeds, I'm pretty sure they know far more about my life than I know about theirs.

I had the best group of friends at University. I keep in touch with only 2 of them now. One just evolved past me into an outlook of life I didn't really care for. One just seems to have disappeared. One got married and seemed to have stopped talking to all his female friends. It was hard to get him to pick up a phone even before that. It was a small group, but we loved each other and really accepted one another for who we really were and didn't demand any kind of unattainable characteristic.

I think I was too caught up in my job at the Guardian to make those kinds of friends. I got a couple of amazing friends out of that time in the media, but I was almost out the door and was pretty much a loner by then. I could barely face myself, let alone the insides of others.

Teaching... well... the less said about that they better. But I did meet some fine women there and one of them is still in my heart. And Table 5 will always have a place there, even though we have fallen out of touch. They were like a grown-up version of my high school friends and I miss them all.

Moving to NY almost broke me. I could cut the loneliness with a dull knife. I left behind 2 of the best people I've ever known and it was crushing. Slowly, it got better, but I've never really opened up to any one here, even now.

Law school is a real trip. I see people around me already forging those law school friendships for life and I feel so distant. One reason I enjoyed being back with A and B was that I could really be myself and just let go. I could talk about what was troubling me, make fun of things and just talk a lot of nonsense that I know they would understand.

I'm too old for this place. They are too young for me. I am left out because I just don't care about the things they care about. I've done it already. It's as simple as that. I did all this already. I have no time for drinking, partying, watching people with suspicion or judging a person by the clothes he wears. And I have a ready-made fuck at home.

I have met people I like but the gulf is so wide, sometimes I wonder if I'll fall in. This really wasn't what I thought would be the thing that affected me the most about law school. I'm also not sure how to let it go. I can't ignore it, because I feel it, but I know there's nothing to be done about it, so do I just wait it out? It's bound to go away?

Stay tuned.

present and future

2011-03-10T12:14:00.003-05:00

So keeping up with this semester's work isn't enough. I am choosing courses for my 2L year. I've already revised my schedule 3 times and I'm hoping I get into everything I want. The real challenge comes in the actual application, which we do at midnight (wtf is that about?) on April something-or-other.

Yes, I am taking it seriously. Academic Affairs give us a list of things to do in making choices and learning more and I've done everything. I met with multiple professors and asked for advice. I met with students who are pursuing my field of interest. I've gone to Center info sessions. I've read, emailed, cried.

As for this semester, ees ok, I guess. Crim prof is helping us out with outlining and exam prep, but his classes are still tough to understand. It's frustrating, and it doesn't help I have no interest in the field, so it's hard to bring enthusiasm. Well, I have no interest in pursuing Property either, but I love that class. Ah well.

Bang pointed out that, as of last Tuesday, we have 36 more days as 1Ls. Sigh. Today is Focus Day for Admitted Students and I remember my day fondly. I'm still excited about being in law school, and I am enjoying myself hugely. I think planning my 2L schedule is pretty sobering and it's no more 1L coddling from hear on out. Prof Crim Law pointed out that now is the time to change the way we do things, like study or read cases, before they become bad habits next year.

Right now, though, I'd really like to go home and take a nap!

for posterity and our children

2011-02-10T18:07:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to overshare.

@John Hwang
‎5: the number of inches (approximately) of the bone my dog swallowed.

8: the number of religions I've adopted to pray he doesn't need surgery.

Petal Maharaj Hwang
‎*giggle* your dog swallows bone *giggle*

John Hwang
Bitch, the dog could die.

Petal Maharaj Hwang
You gave him the bone!

John Hwang
Yes, but with specific instructions, in writing, not to swallow it.

Petal Maharaj Hwang
Put a bone in your mouth and see if your first instinct isn't to swallow it!

John Hwang
Proves what you know. I just did, and I managed to get the bone out of my mouth before it was halfway down.

Petal Maharaj Hwang
That only means that your technique is poor and you need to practice.

progress! progress. progress?

2011-02-06T09:54:00.004-05:00

Second semester is in full swing and I guess I am too. I'm confident and not at the same time. I go to every single class as prepared as I can be. I do the reading, I try to look beyond the cases and the get to the analysis in terms of the subject matter as a whole. I am trying to study in the way the professors tailor their classes. But is that enough?

I've already spent every weekend except this one at school. The only reason I didn't go this weekend was that I used my free time on Friday to prepare for Monday and Wednesday's Criminal Law classes and brought my Property book home. I've been headachey a couple of days last week and slept like a dead woman yesterday during the day. It was the best nap I've ever had and I really didn't want to wake up. I was in Derek's bed and I was so cozy and warm and no one was home and I didn't have to do anything. But up I gots. I wanted popcorn for some reason.

So I just took the day off yesterday. It wasn't really my intention. I intended to study and do laundry, but I did neither. But I was so relaxed and didn't think about school at all. When John and Der came home, I cuddled with John on the sofa and watched tv with him for most of the evening.

But the headache came back this morning b/c I still have the Property reading to do and no BB to spur me into action. We spend large chunks of the weekend together, holed up in a classroom, studying and just listening to each other. It's a very quiet form of encouragement and I find I miss her this weekend.

Let's see. What else has been going on?

Lawyering. What a class. What do I say about that? Nothing that I can write on a public blog while being a lawyer-in-training. As for the work, we have 3 interviewing simulations to complete for the semester and the first is on Tuesday. I have to interview a "client" about her loss of unemployment compensation. I've prepared my questions and will dust off the lawyer-shoes.

I've been trying to work towards finals and my prep is pretty straight-forward for Crim and Prop, but Legislation and Regulation is going to be a challenge. I like the class and it takes a bit for me to get through the reading, but I soldier on and through. I'm not sure how to start to prepare for the final exam, though. It's one of those things where he could ask anything and I can't imagine how.

Crim is something else. The prof is universally disliked, although I've been wondering. He's been kinda pleasant when he's not teaching. He always smiles when he sees me and says hi and chats and laughs with students when they talk to him before and after class. He has a very abstract way of teaching and he teaches more philosophy than what I expected from this class. I certainly expected the class to be more animated, especially since a good two-thirds of the students were really looking forward to it. Not so much now, I think. It's becoming more a chore to go to this class, especially since I have duck-egg interest in Crim Law.

I've signed up for 2 summer courses: Drafting for Contracts and a Judicial Externship. I went to my K prof for some advice and was so glad that my choices (which I had already made!) lined up exactly with what he told me. I'm looking forward to spending my summer in a State Civil Court and learning how to draft an airtight contract. Good times ahead!

Personally: I cleaned out my FB friends list and it was long overdue. I thought of getting rid of FB altogether and just keeping the blog and Twitter, which are more private. I haven't actually stopped thinking of that option.

terrors

2011-01-23T20:38:00.003-05:00

I have a lot going on in my head these last few days. I am not happy with the reflection semester one's grades have on my ability, preparation and all-round general brilliance. I have been actively working to improve my approach and habits, even though it's only heading into the 3rd week of classes.

It starts from Day 1. But I'm wondering if I'm slipping back into complacency b/c work at the beginning of the semester is easier than it looks and I feel like I can handle it. I've already given up most of both days of the weekend and had a talk with John about putting more of myself into school and less at home. He's told me not to worry and assured me I don't need to feel overwhelmed or guilty about anything.

Overwhelmed. There is my biggest problem, the root from which all my depression grows. A long time ago, something bad happened and I just couldn't cope with it. I didn't know what to do, so I cried until it actually hurt my chest and I finally went to a doctor.

Over the years I've fought with it and mostly lost. The worst of it came when I moved to NY. I thought being a single mother, mostly friendless with no family or money or love or someone to lean on was the absolute worst thing that could happen to me. And it was. But moving here gave that sucker a real run for its money.

I don't think I was entirely over being alone with Derek. To be thrust into another huge life change just took it all out of me. I don't think I'm ever really going to let go of the terror I felt being so alone and being the only person a little person has to depend on, but I've let some things go over the last 5 years and I've certainly come to terms with the fact that there are things I CAN'T let go. It's now a part of who I am.

Making some kind of peace with myself and the husband has made me less afraid of not being able to cope. I've found that there isn't much that can overwhelm me.

Until now, that is.

I think about the work for the semester and it's no longer doing it week to week. Now it's about preparing for finals all the way. But there's more than that. There is a brief and an oral argument and client interviews. Plus looking for a job. It's so much. Just applying for jobs is a full-time gig and is a huge time-sucker. I've done everything for a Judicial Externship but finish my writing sample and I can't submit that till I meet with someone from the Writing Department, which is sometime this week. Then I have to meet with last semester's professors. Then I have to meet with my Career Advisor at some point.

Time-suckers. I still have to eat and sleep. And shower. And Derek.

Overwhelmed. I don't cope well with being overwhelmed. It terrifies me that I cannot control things, even thing I can objectively handle. I just frighten myself out of the ability.

Deep breath.

that john steinbeck sure knew his robbie burns

2011-01-13T09:41:00.003-05:00

Because all my best-laid schemes definitely awry did go!

I'd been feeling crappy for a few days last week, but thought it was the allergies giving me grief. I kept trying to study but couldn't seem to focus, not because I was distracted but b/c I just felt fuzzy. On Saturday, I sneezed non-stop. Oh no! Head cold. Blah!

I wish it was a head cold!

By Sunday, I was flat out dead. Shaking like nobody's business. I was so cold, John had to pull out the huge thick quilt we only use for company! I was already fully dressed, socks and all, plus sheet and a quilt! And a John! It was bad. I don't think I've been this sick since I moved here and had the Winter of Death, where I was sick for about 4 months straight!

Every bone in my body was screaming at me in agony. That day is really a blur now. I'm pretty sure I didn't make it out of bed all day. Most of Monday as well. I managed to email the Profs and a couple of other commitments I had but I mostly couldn't move. I didn't eat until Tuesday, when I felt like I could look at food without wanting to yak. I've always found it funny you can be nauseous when you have no food in your stomach. Even water made me want to throw up. Ginger ale helped and it was all I cared to imbibe for about 3 days. Maybe 2. I think on Sunday, I forced down a bowl of cereal and on Monday, half of a boiled egg. Maybe.

Then came the headaches and cold sweats. I woke up twice on Monday night soaked through. I had to change clothes and everything. My nose has not stopped running and every time I coughed, even now, my head hurt. My face was so congested, I had to soak a washcloth in cold water and place it over my eyes to get some relief. I cannot remember when I felt this ill. I still feel crappy all over and probably sound just as bad.

Derry came home all miserable yesterday. He was fed up of outside food and really wanted some Mummy foody, because it's "the best"! Aw. I felt really sorry for the little guy. He had some of the early symptoms of my flu, tummy upset and grumpiness, so I dragged myself up and made him spaghetti and meatballs. Mercifully, I already had the meat seasoned in the fridge and all I had to do was make it, but it was still very tiring and I had to sit down afterwards. It took a bit longer to do, as a result.

He ate some, but his tummy was really giving him hell. So he had a yogurt and just sat still until bedtime, rare for our Pie, let me tell you. Both he and I had to tell John to stop making us laugh because we're too sick to laugh out loud. Seriously. Tummy aches, coughing, headaches... laughing should not hurt!

I tossed around last night a lot. I know it's anxiety about school. John is getting upset that I haven't been back, but I'm fighting between being weak and not wanting to get pnuemonia and really really wanting to go back. I've missed two classes and feeling lost because I wasn't even able to prepare for them, so it's not even like I know what the hell happened.

I'm doing my best to go in later today. I have a class at 4:30, but it's so cold outside, I'm really worried about how I'll fare. But I have stuff to pick up at school and since Monday is a holiday, I have some time to catch up. I'll have to stay at home, because there is more snow expected, but I'll manage. I'll feel a lot better, physically and mentally, once I can ease my mind that I'm catching up with the reading and not giving myself a handicap so early in the semester.

Pray for Mojo.

upward and onward

2011-01-08T13:39:00.004-05:00

I understand it's not the done thing to talk about your grades on your blog. I don't think enough people read my blog to really get into the kinds of uproars I've seen on the blawgosphere. But, I'm going to not post the actual grades on here except to say I got nothing lower than a B- and I am not happy.

Bang (one of my study buddies is becoming a good friend and his last name starts with Ba and we decided to create an empire called Bang: his Ba plus my ng! Mostly, we just call each other Bang!) pointed out that I know what I need to do to improve. He's not wrong, but I'm a little uncertain about what to do.

I'm disappointed because I was hoping to grade into Law Review, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen, even if I get straight As this semester. I'm trying not to think about that so much.

But I have to try to put this behind me and focus on this semester and the new challenges. Prof Crim is living up to his reputation thus far. I spoke to an alum and when I said which professor I had for Criminal Law, there was definite faces and hesitations. Prof Crim seems unapproachable. Since I have no desire to get into Criminal Law, I have no problem keeping my distance from the man and just doing the work to get out of the class.

Prof Property is very nice. None of the others have been in touch so far. Well, to say Prof Crim got in touch is a bit much. He just posted the readings online and it's a good thing I was checking. Prof Prop sent us a very nice email and told us where to find what we need. I'm not saying we're not supposed to be proactive, but every professor so far has sent at least a "welcome to my class" email. Ah well. We'll see.

I am looking forward to going back. Monday will be my first day back in school since the break began. I have to pick up a book at the bookstore, get 2 supplements from the Copy Center and attend a meeting. I think I'll be spending the day there since I have to go to a City Bar event later in the evening.

The break has been nice and relaxing. I watched a lot of tv and read many books. I hung out with Pie and I wish I could have had a date with the husband. We got to spend Christmas Eve together as Pie went off to Grandma's, but we spent most of it hiding his presents and doing nothing much. But we all had a pretty decent time. I am looking forward to seeing Bang and BB and a few other classmates and hearing about their vacations. It'll be good to be back.

final final of semester

2010-12-21T10:54:00.002-05:00

And I am deep in a wave of depression. I did nothing at home, nothing I care to call substantial, anyway, for the last 2 days. I came in to school this morning, breaking my own rule about not being here during finals. But both John and Derek are home and, let me tell you, the kid is not the issue. Not that John is needy or anything, but he is very spoilt when it comes to harassing me. He's not used to leaving me alone and I am constantly waiting for him to get on my nerves. It will be nice to go back to the status quo for a bit where he can bother me any old time he feels like it.

All I want is for Civ Pro to be over so I can go home and collapse into my bed and sleep till sometime tomorrow.

first law school final

2010-12-10T12:21:00.004-05:00

Well, this is it. My very first law school final: Torts. I'm so excited I could spit! I've always had a very Zen approach to exams. It's a comfort zone to me and once I know I'm prepared, I'm good to go. It's not like I couldn't have done some more prep by doing some more Q&As, but I'm not sure that it would have made that big a difference.

The thing that did make the most difference was being able to talk about the course with my study buddies. Hearing yourself say the things out loud and realizing you're either sounding dumb or really smart is so helpful. Writing stuff down, too, has always been a good technique to help me remember. I managed to distill some concepts onto one notecard - no easy feat - and I also have to remember not to leave it in my pocket when I go into the exam!

So, here I am, sitting in Starbucks down the street from school. I went over my outlines and my little card and then decided to settle back and read on my Kindle till it's time to head to school. A daddy put his little girl on the seat opposite me and is feeding her a muffin. She has a juice box and looks like the muffin exploded all over her adorable face. It makes me miss Le Pie and I can't wait to see him and the husband tonight. All is right with my world.

Black Swan

2010-12-04T08:04:00.008-05:00

So I'm writing this for 2 reasons. One is I loved the movie and just want to write about it. And, two, I need practice typing on Der's netbook because I need to use it for finals. There is no way I'm getting Louisa back in time for December 10.

So, back to Bom.

I heard about "Black Swan" months ago, at some film festival wrap-up. I'd read in passing that Natalie Portman was already getting Oscar buzz for her role as a ballet dancer giving into her dark side. Wow! Natalie Portman? Love her! Ballet? Love it! Darren Aronofsky? Loved "The Wrestler", so why they hell not?

I began to wait. It began to feel like I was a "Star Wars" geek waiting for "The Phantom Menace". I stalked the imdb.com page daily. And the trailer? Twice daily was more like! And then I found this music video and I lost it completely!

If I loved "Swan Lake" before, I was fairly obsessed by then. I found a documentary about 5 dancers in the Kirov Ballet and discovered the amazing Uliana Lopatkina who is the epitome of the dying swan. Pavlova is great and all that, but Lopatkina has the most enviable arms and a grace that was given to her by the angels themselves.

I rented a Kirov performance of "Swan Lake" but was so disappointed in the ending. They made it all happy and shit and there was no dying swan. I felt gypped and almost flung the disc away in disgust. Needless to say, Lopatkina didn't dance Odile/Odette.

Speaking of whom, I've often wondered what a dancer goes through in performing these roles in "Swan Lake". They are polar opposites of each other and Odette looms larger in terms of presence in the ballet. So a dancer spends more time perfecting and rehearsing the White Swan, and then must switch gears for a very physically gruelling dance that exudes more force than the White Swan offers in her entire performance. The White Swan is all grace and fragility and fear and tender love. The Black Swan is lust and passion and cruelty.

"Black Swan" captures the dichotomy beautifully. Portman is allowed to stretch marvelously into both characters. And they are two characters, both in the ballet and the film. Portman's Nina Sayers is everything the White Swan is supposed to be: fragile, graceful, technically perfect. But the Black Swan is none of those things. The White Swan is all internal and the Black Swan is visceral and everything is outside for the world to see.

Nina IS the White Swan. All she wants to be is perfect. She is timid and allows herself to be manipulated by her mother, an ex-dancer who "gave it up to have [Nina]". Nina's eventual rebellion only comes when pushed by Mila Kunis' Lily. It's Lily who gives voice to Nina's mother's actions and, while Nina is coming into slow realization herself, it's Lily's contempt that provides the impetus for Nina to take a stand.

I like Mila Kunis. She's a risk-taker. She fit right into Lily exactly like you'd expect her to. I have nothing bad to say about her performance, but I wasn't surprised the way I was with Portman and Winona Ryder. They aren't exactly risk-takers when it comes to their choices of film roles, so this movie was a revelation.

Lily served her purpose in the story and Kunis subtly moved the character in and out of Nina's perceptions of Lily. It was an excellent performance, just not surprising.

Now, as for Ryder. I think if Judi Dench can win an Oscar for six minutes on screen in "Shakespeare in Love", Ryder should be a shoo-in for a Best Supporting Oscar in next year's academy awards. Ryder is my generation's Ellen Page. "Heathers" is my "Juno". Etc. Etc. But Ryder has never really stepped out of that onlooker's position in her film choices. She's never been anything but lovely, graceful, timid with inner strength. It's always been internal performances, like May in "Age of Innocence". In "Black Swan", she has three scenes and is mesmerizing in all of them, short as her screen time was. It wasn't my Winona Ryder, I thought. She's everything May is not: cruel, hateful, frightened, envious, shocking. All the external emotions she's never shown.

As for Portman, where do I begin? She's Natalie Portman and, for a good chunk of the movie, exactly what you'd expect from a very talented actress. Oh, but not really everything you'd expect, is it? She's got lots of subtlety to play with and she does amazing things with her eyes and neck that make you shudder just as much as the larger actions.

I'm not spoiling anything by saying the movie is about descent into madness. Nina is told by the choreographer, Thomas, that if he was casting the White Swan only, she was a shoo-in. She's ALL White Swan, but he wants a more visceral performance out of her. He's opening the season with "Swan Lake". "Done to death, I know," he says. "But not like this." He gives Nina the part, knowing full well she has a great deal of work to do to become the Black Swan.

Nina is terrifying and terrified. She's sexually repressed and always seems to be in a state of coitus interruptus. Well, I know I'd go mad if I was always on the verge of an orgasm just to have the stimulus pulled away from me. Just saying.

So she throws herself into the role. Thomas wants her to let go, Lily thinks she is going to be amazing, her mother is proud and supportive and turns on a dime to sabotage. Or does she? Is Lily really jealous and pretends to be encouraging and friendly? The movie isn't an enigma wrapped in a mystery but it's a mind-fuck all the same.

To say I wasn't disappointed is an understatement. I loved it with every pore of my being. I'd go back if I wasn't in the thick of finals prep. But that DVD is so mine when it comes out. Mine, I tell you! MINE!

prepping for 1L finals

2010-11-26T10:08:00.003-05:00

Talk about uncharted territory. No undergrad prepares you for law school finals. As I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that it's November and I'm almost done with my 1st semester, I have to cope with studying for finals.

I am not in the same position mentally as many of my classmates. I've been through hell and lived to tell the tale. This semester, while not a breeze, has not been the overwhelming Slough of Despond it could have been. I am truly grateful for the coping mechanisms. I still wish I had not gone through any of the things I went through and I am not one to be buoyed by silver lining bullshit, but there is something to be said for experiencing the real world before coming to law school.

So, having said all of that, and in the grand tradition of posting about methods of anything on a law school blog, here's my 2 cents about finals prep.

- Go to all your classes. 2 of my 3 substantive law classes are recorded, so those were the ones I tried to miss when I needed to deal with my real life. My 3rd class has an active discussion board and a professor who is terrific about responding by email, but I still only missed 2 of his classes. Still, catching up is hard work and wastes time. Listening to an hour-and-40-minute lecture might seem great because you can pause and go back etc. But it turns it into a 3-hour exercise instead. Waste of time.

- If your school, like mine, does the grade bump-up with mid-terms and class participation, take advantage. Profs can increase grades by one-third, if they see fit. They usually have criteria for doing so. They submit the names for bump-ups before you write the exam.

My Civ Pro class is my small section and it's easier to talk in class. Plus, the prof chooses a number of people to call on each class, so it doesn't matter if you volunteer. But you should. Civ Pro is a tough class, for me, and I asked tons of questions and used the class discussion board a lot. She counts that usage as part of the class participation. Also counted were 2 submitted exercises, which I did very well in. Then there was the mid-term, which I got an A in. So I feel much more confident about going into the final with a bump-up in the bag. I also took advantage of her review sessions and the amazing TAs she has.

For Contracts, we also have 2 areas of possible bump-ups: 2 VGs on any 2 of your 3 submitted memos and class participation. There are 135 people in K and Torts. In K, we are called on randomly; in Torts, according to the class list. K will probably get through the entire class, but not in Torts. K has a vibrant discussion board and the Prof is very aware of who writes and what she writes. Lots of people have popped up since the 2nd memo has been handed back and I'm pretty sure he's noticed who has never written before and are doing so all of a sudden. I know I would.

We were given no criteria for bump-ups in Torts, so the final is it. Do or die.

- Outline. The word is drilled into your head from even before you get to your first class and it is a confusing road to hoe. It's going to be at least 2 months before you actually begin to understand how outlining works and by then you're pulling out your hair for not approaching the work in a more comprehensive manner. Everyone is in the same boat. Commercial outlines have their uses, especially in separating the forest from the trees. I have several question and answer study guides which I find very helpful in working out concepts I have trouble with.

- Join a bar prep program. BarBri is mine and I cannot love it more. The lectures are amazing outlines in themselves and really gives you a comprehensive overview of the course. Use them, and the commercial outlines. Tailor them to fit your course and professor's leaning. It will make your life much easier. Do not rely on them exclusively. Your professor will have leanings, will not cover some areas etc. Don't be stupid and ignore your class notes.

- Go over class notes carefully. Re-examine all those hypos the prof threw out there. Looking at them again once you have a better grasp of the subject matter, tweak the hypo yourself and look at the outcome.

- Study group. Or even a study buddy. My Civ Pro study buddy has blossomed into a buddy for all the classes. She and I work very well together and very much complement each other. We lean on each other's strengths and help each other over the trouble spots.

- Past exams. My study partner and I have learned so much from these exams, it isn't even funny. And we are getting better as utilizing the time as well. I even got brave enough to ask one of my profs to post more exams for the class, which he did!

- Talk to 2Ls and 3Ls. Not just the A-earners. Many people told me what they thought their mistakes were and how I can learn from them. That was even more helpful than the advice from the A crowd.

- Do not get distracted. By Thanksgiving, you should know where you can study and where you can't. If you're the kind of person people must stop and talk to, don't study in the crowded parts of the library. Tell you family, friends, b/fs and g/fs to leave you the hell alone. They have no idea what you are going through and they don't have to have any idea, they just have to accept it. Don't make enemies, but be firm.

- Don't distract others. Every school will have at least one jerk-off who has to stop and talk to you while you're deep in UCC 2-207, just to break your stride. No joke. He will WANT to distract you by telling you how stressed out he is, how he is never going to cover the material, how he has so much else going on. Learn to spot these fools a mile away. Learn to spot the dude who frames his questions in such a way that milks info out of you that you otherwise would not be willing to give. Make it clear, out loud if you must, that you're not going to talk about X, Y or Z. I'm just staying home.

It is every man for himself at this stage, there's no getting around it. But by now, you will know who to trust, who can help you and who to steer clear of. It's not the greatest way to view your law school world, but Law Review only takes a handful and getting into the top 15% of the class is much harder than it sounds. Good luck.

me and law school

2010-11-16T07:12:00.003-05:00

So in my first semester at university, I was pregnant with my first child. Cool. A nice story to tell the grandkids.

I'm not pregnant now, but am dealing with some health issues that remind me so much of those days. My lecturers at UWI were amazing, my friends really bent over backwards to help me and I managed to rally through without too much trouble. I wrote my exams, handed in all my papers, gave birth and went back to school. No big.

The different thing this time is I feel like I'm missing a lot of school. Or rather, time I should be spending on school work. I managed to get 2 days' extension on both my papers due this week, but I still feel like I should have managed my time better.

I know there is absolutely nothing I could have done differently and I know I'm not in as bad a way as I'd like to let myself believe. I'm halfway through my K memo and broke the back of my research memo in such a way that all I need to do is actually write it over in sentences. I managed to get 2 days' of my K reading done for this week and skimmed Civ Pro, which would make a close reading much easier. Torts is... well... a bit of a neglected puppy but also the subject I'm having the least trouble with.

I'm listening to Law Preview and have started looking at exam questions and have scheduled practice exams for 2 courses with my study buddies. We're doing K this week and Civ Pro next week and will do Torts after Thanksgiving. Luckily, after this week, we won't have anymore assignments to deal with and can focus on dealing with the big picture and course outlines and finals prep.

I have one more appt with the allergist and he said it will be a few more tests and immunization. The PAP device will arrive some time this week and I can only hope it will be on Friday. Then I see the ENT again early in December to make sure everything is working in tandem.

hypopnea and school

2010-11-11T07:18:00.002-05:00

The sleep doctor called me on Tuesday night and told me the results of my sleep study were more serious than he realized when he scanned the results on Monday morning. I am losing a lot of oxygen while sleeping and struggling in my sleep, both to breathe and stay asleep.

I honestly thought I was as tired as I am because of the depression and the new circumstances my body and mind are dealing with. Not so much, apparently. I'm literally not sleeping.

I am going back in tonight for a similar test but with a mask.

I also went to an allergist yesterday. And I am allergic to everything. Even the doctor was surprised when he saw the test results. I had no idea. Pets, tree pollen and all forms of mold were the worst of the lost, but I'm allergic to foods I had no idea I was allergic to: apples, string beans, green peas and spinach. That spinach pisses me off no end. I love spinach and eat it 3 times a week. It gives me that iron and energy I need because I am so tired! Irony much?

I'm going back to the allergist tomorrow for a CAT scan of my face. Sigh.

But I do have the best professors in the world. K prof and LW prof gave me 2 days' extension on my papers due next Monday and Tuesday. They were so great and I am so relieved. Still, I am losing a lot of time today and tomorrow and catching up is going to be tough. Pray for Mojo.

to apnea or hypopnea

2010-11-09T12:32:00.003-05:00

So I finally visited an ENT for my sinus, snoring and other horrid breathing issues. He promised me he could fix it. I see my Tort action forming.

But seriously. He sent me to an allergist and for a sleep study to determine if I have sleep apnea. He told me I am very congested. I could have told me that.

The sleep study came first and I went to the facility on Sunday night. The tech was from Guyana and is planning to start law school in 2012. We had lots in common.

Good thing, too, because it took nearly an hour to hook me up to the machine. I had electrodes coming out my wazoo: across my forehead and chin, about 8 in my hair, on my neck, legs and two sets of wires up my nosey. To say I was uncomfortable is the biggest understatement I can think of.

All of the electrode wires were hooked into this brick that had to sit on the bed next to me. So I had to sleep, on my back, with about 50 tiny wires coming out of my head, all attached to me with some kind of white gook and surgical tape. I still have gook in my hair even though I washed it twice when I got home. Uk.

I felt like I woke up every 5 minutes and only fell asleep around 5:30 or so because I asked the tech if I could lie on my side now. Even the doctor said my sleep results from that time showed me so restful that they felt really bad to wake me up.

I was so tired when I went to sleep and I was even more tired when I woke up. I had a feeling it would be rough, so I got excused from my 2 classes on Monday. I was also a little worried that I might hear I have sleep apnea.

The doctor met with me that morning and said while it was unlikely I had sleep apnea, it appears that I have hypopnea. And if it gets worse, it is treated as seriously as sleep apnea.

I do have an apnea that comes in my disturbed REM sleep state. The doctor said that isn't too bad because the apnea is not the cause of the disturbance but a consequence of it. He said the serotonin reuptake inhibitor I take causes that REM issue. I'm going to have to live with that because I cannot come off the Lexapro.

But he doesn't think any kind of device is necessary and that b/w the allergist and the ENT, they should be able to ease my breathing, snoring and the pressure on my face. I see the allergist tomorrow and will find out more about the hypopnea later this week.

Stay tuned. Same bat time. Same bat station.

hwangs

2010-11-05T09:48:00.002-04:00

So the Hwangs continue the tradition of not giving presents on the date the present-giving should take place. As soon as I got home last night, Le Pie barreled into me and told me not to go take a shower (which I really wanted to do b/c I had a huge headache and wanted to wash my hair) because I need to open my presents.

Just before I walked into the flat, I checked the mailbox and one of John's presents was in there. I put it in my bag and closed it, expecting to hide it with his other present, which I managed to get without him seeing the delivery guy.

Then Der comes out of his room with 2 beautifully wrapped presents, which was a shock in itself, because John NEVER wraps my present. I usually get it in the box it was delivered in! And then I found out Derek wrapped his present to me all by himself. Aw.

So, I opened my bag and gave Derek the present for his Daddy (still in the box it was delivered in! Hah!). Derek was responsible for John no longer having a penknife, so I got a cute little Leatherman one to replace it. Then I pulled out his present from me. It took him a few minutes to get around to mine because he was all over the Leatherman. I got him a Ralph Lauren shirt and he looked gorgeous in it.

As for me, John bought me the Kindle I wanted. It's gorgeous and light and tiny and I love it! Derek gave me the case with built-in light that I wanted! I had to force myself to put it down. Der, always a step ahead of his old Ma, was great about helping me set it up. Before he went to bed, I asked him a question and he helped me again. Then he said, "Before I go, is there anything else I can help you with?" LOL!

I left the Kindle home today b/c I have my Legal Research final today and I would just be distracted by playing with it. And I have a complaint due for Civil Procedure due on Tuesday and I told my group I would send them a first draft to work on as I won't be in school on Monday. I do not need another thing to distract me while I cram for the exam at noon and work on the complaint afterwards.

But I really cannot wait to go home!

the social network

2010-10-30T13:15:00.007-04:00

I just saw the movie and being the FB addict that I am, I rushed into Barnes and Noble to blog about it.

I can see why all my law school chums are raving about it. It should be on the curriculum in a depositions class. Do we have a depositions class? Well, we should.

Jesse Eisenberg played Mark Zuckerberg and I only know him as Hallie Eisenberg's brother and the resemblance was uncanny. Contrary to what Rashida Jones' character tells Zuckerberg, he is an asshole. And Eduardo Saverin was probably blind not to have seen it before. Poor guy. He really got the short end of the stick. The Winklevii also got a bit of a short-shrift and it was unfair for Zuckerberg to claim they were only climbing all over him b/c something didn't happen for them the way they wanted it to. These weren't just Daddy's fair-haireds coasting through Harvard on Daddy's name.

Aside: Hell, Daddy's name cut them no grease with the stupid Dean. Sorry Dean, but you were stupid and I am now reconsidering my life's dream to have Derek go to Harvard. Princeton, here we come.

Back to Bom.

These boys were top students and worked fucking hard to be the racers they are. They got stuff handed to them, I am sure, but no one studied for them or raced for them. I thought the movie got that across very well. The actors playing the Winklevii were great and managed to create personalities that rose above their looks. And it wasn't twins or even brothers playing Cameron and Tyler Winkelvoss but Arnie Hammer and Josh Pence plus a little digital magic.

Andrew Garfield played Saverin and all through the film I knew I'd seen him before. It was in the Red Riding Trilogy. He is a fine young actor and had more to do, acting-wise, in the trilogy, but wasn't shabby here at all. He manged to convey his feeling of betrayal without making you feel like he should suck it up. He really showed Saverin as the only supporter and friend Zuckerberg had and it killed me to watch him duel with Sean Parker.

Ah, Sean. What a dick. Well-played by Justin Timberlake, who did such a good job that my brain didn't do the "it's Justin Timberlake!" jump every time he showed up on screen. It was a very unsympathetic portrayal of a man once hailed as a hero for providing free music online. Timberlake must have had a ball playing someone so arrogant and cocky.

One thing I realized, whether it's true or not, FB was a more collaborative effort than Zuckerberg would have himself believe. Parker seemed to have had the idea for pix sharing and tagging. The Winklevii had the big idea. Even Saverin's crazy ex had the idea of putting Zuckerberg and Parker together.

Other people in the film: Rashida Jones had me wondering what she was doing there until the very nice scene at the end of the movie. She does that kind of get-your-head-out-of-your-ass and-come-back-to-reality scene well. Joseph Mazzello was unrecognizable as Dustin Moskivitz, Zuckerberg's programmer. Who is he? The kid from "Jurassic Park" who gets electrocuted on the fence. He grew up.

I was very curious to see Rooney Mara who played Erica Albright, who may have never friended Mark Zuckerberg, deservedly. She is cast in Fincher's version of "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" as Lisbeth Salander, because he was impressed with her. I've seen the Swedish version, and she has to come very very good to even compare to Noomi Rapace, who transformed herself physically and emotionally for the role. She didn't have much to do in "The Social Network", so I guess Fincher saw something that I didn't that screamed "LISBETH SALANDER" to him. The character actually had more presence when she wasn't in a scene with Eisenberg. It's Zuckerberg's reaction to Erica's name and what she might be thinking about him and his poor judgment is what fuels his actions. He makes her out to be more than she is.

About the lawsuits. all through the film, I was wondering what the susbtantive issue was in the claim the Winkelvoss brothers brought against Zuckerberg. It is easy to prove he didn't use their code for setting up FB and there is no copyright or patent on an idea. All the brothers seem concerned with is that their idea was stolen. But ideas are unprotected and I didn't have to be in law school to tell you that. And Zuckerberg didn't appear to sign any kind of contract with the brothers and Divya Narendra, but that didn't mean they didn't have an agreement. The movie didn't address this well and I thank New York Law School and my K prof for being able to fill in the blanks myself. The brothers and Narendra claimed Zuckerberg broke a relationship with them because they had an affirmative agreement from him to work on their HarvardConnection website.

Saverin's claim were a bit more concrete and basic: fraud. He got cheated out of his share through the machinations, it appeared, of Sean Parker and his influence over Zuckerberg.

All in all, a good movie. The editing was crisp and clear and the flashbacks worked very well. Timberlake stood out, but the story was very good and well-told. I haven't read Ben Mezrich's book "The Accidental Billionaries", on which Aaron Sorkin based his script, but the movie stood on its own without me having to know too much about anything, really. I'd even like to see it again.

time to reassess

2010-10-28T07:24:00.002-04:00

So we've been hearing about people dropping out of law school. Last week, our K prof said 2 people dropped out from our section. One was this really smart girl who felt law school wasn't her calling and chose not to stay in debt for a whole year to confirm what she already knew. The other did not speak English very well. I heard him once in class, early on in the semester. I couldn't tell if he was unprepared or couldn't articulate his answers in English. Or a combination of the two. Poor guy.

But it seems as though we were the last section to hear about people leaving or even have people leave. A month ago, a friend from another section said her K prof told them 4 people had left. Tough beans.

I've spoken to a couple of people who either entertained leaving at the end of the first week or plan to reassess at the end of the first year. It broke my heart. I admit to not knowing them well enough to see whether they belong in law school, but it looked like they were handling the work ok and it was hard to hear they were thinking about leaving. I can only imagine how hard it was to actually think it.

I do wonder if some people belong in law school. It is a perfect venue to show off. And the cattiness has begun. The things I hear surprise me. There are people who actually say out loud that they are pleased that some difficulty has befallen a classmate, because his attention will be focused elsewhere and that is less competition for them.

I am guarded. I take special care of my things and don't discuss papers if I can help it. I did it once and I still regret it. Not that the other people did anything, I just felt that I should have kept my mouth shut about my own thoughts.

But if it doesn't involve a paper, I am always happy to help. But I am seeing less and less of that as the term progresses. Either everyone is getting it or no one is going to admit they did not. Fine by me. I ask the prof or TAs when I don't get it. They are getting paid for that and I have $40K worth of questions in my bank.

I've been wondering how I would manage if I wasn't on the meds. I don't think I'd be able to keep my temper in check, and that would not be good. I might actually say some of the stuff I've been thinking. Plus, more importantly in my book, I would be very overwhelmed by the workload. It's not easy keeping up with classes, trying to revise what's already been done, dealing with home, the bitching, the moaning and trying to have a life with the friends I care about. I haven't even written home in a while.

On the bright side, I had to talk in Torts the other day and I thought I did well. Someone told me I sounded prepared and like I knew what I was talking about. Did I ever? I prepared the hell out of the reading and was I ever glad I did. I enjoyed it hugely.

This week has been tough. There are so many things going on other than class that I had no time during the week to prepare or study for anything. I wasn't exactly thrilled about staying home yesterday, but I was able to finish my memo and then relax for the rest of the day. But with the one thing after another this whole week, I had to do a lot of work last weekend.

I am keeping next week as free as I can because the Legal Research exam is next Friday and I need to devote some time to it. That also means covering the reading for the entire week over this weekend.

I have the all-important visit to the ENT next Wednesday and I have never looked forward to a doctor's visit more. The warmer weather has eased the sinus pressure a fair bit and I have been more comfortable this week than I have been in a while. Other than that, it's just K prof's celebration thingy and that is the only extra-curricula activity I have going on.

Pray for Mojo.

js meme... how i've missed you

2010-10-26T21:06:00.004-04:00

If I were a month I would be: June

If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday

If I were a time of day I would be: morning

If I were a planet I would be: mars

If I were a sea animal I would be: a blue whale

If I were a direction I would be: West

If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a bed

If I were a sin I would be: lust

If I were a liquid I would be: rum

If I were a stone, I would be: a bloodstone

If I were a tree, I would be: a mango tree

If I were a bird, I would be: a hummingbird

If I were a flower/plant, I would be: an iris

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: drizzly

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a Spanish guitar

If I were an animal, I would be: a meerkat

If I were a color, I would be: green

If I were an emotion, I would be: overwhemlmed

If I were a vegetable, I would be: a potato

If I were a sound, I would be: a scream

If I were an element, I would be: fire

If I were a car, I would be: a mini

If I were a song, I would be: calypso

If I were a movie, I would be directed by: gurinda chadha

If I were a poem, I would be written by: t.s. eliot

If I were a food, I would be: cookie

If I were a place, I would be: a temple

If I were a material, I would be: cotton

If I were a taste, I would be: tasty

If I were a scent, I would be: lavender

If I were a religion, I would be: Pagan

If I were a word, I would be: crazy

If I were an object, I would be: a hammer

If I were a body part I would be: knees

If I were a facial expression I would be: an eyeroll

If I were a subject in school I would be: physical education

If I were a shape I would be: a hexagon

If I were a number I would be: seven

thick and thin, sick and sin

2010-10-22T14:44:00.003-04:00

So the Hwang family has been married for almost 5 years and Mr and Mrs Hwang never thought we'd make it this far. Baby Hwang has already decided that he will go live with his Aunties when we divorce. We're staying together for Jess and Bri's sake!

Joke and fun aside, five years is a long time to be together and it's the longest relationship either of us has ever had. So, I say, kudos to Ma and Pa Hwang.

I laid down the law last year that I am not going to tell John what I want as an anniversary present. I wanted him to look into my soul and get me something that, preferably, comes in a small(ish) robin-egg's blue box and I better be surprised.

Well, I caved about 2 weeks ago and blurted out I wanted a Kindle. Sigh. I did try. I dropped hints but I chose to believe Mr Hwang was going through one of his denser phases and just said it. Turns out, he was going to buy me a diamond. To which Derek said, "Get her the diamond, Daddy, and then we can get aaaanything we want!"

To explain: Whenever John comes up with one of his outrageously expensive desires, which are mostly just outrageous in my book, I say he can get it if I buy a diamond. One day he said he is going to buy me a diamond and then buy himself whatever he wants and I will just have to lump it. I might have mentioned before that Derek is turning into his Daddy.

Anyhoo, the Hwangs have decided that the fifth wedding anniversary is electronica (which is good because the traditional gift is wood!) and Der already has a netbook and I am expecting a Kindle, since I clearly drowned the diamond idea! AND I caved and have decided to let John get a PS3 or X-box or whatever-the-fuck. But he will get that later on, maybe closer to Christmas.

conquering that first semester

2010-10-15T19:50:00.002-04:00

Have I? I don't know, but I do seem to bitch less than everyone else, or at least a large chunk of the class, so that counts in my book.

The one thing I do complain about is being in a class with so many young people, barely out of their teenage habits. I'm beginning to feel like I'd like to be in a place with grown-up who are serious about their lives. My closest mates are over 30 and if we have nothing else in common, we share this frustration.

However.

However, there are a couple of saving graces that manage to save the side. My study partner is a gem who actually understands I have shit going on and she is wonderful about making herself flexible for me. I am half in love with her sometimes, she is so great. There are a couple of women who I treat like daughters, but they just bring out my silliness more than anything. They laugh at my dick jokes and are grosser than a couple of guys I know. There are women who are so sweet to me and drop me line on FB chat just to say hi or that we haven't spoken in few days. I always smile when I see their pix pop up.

Why no boys, you ask? And why do I say women and not men, but boys? The boys are so pretty that I cannot think of them as men. I also have 2 sons, so all boys are babies. Plus, they are the most immature. I'd take the entitled princesses over them any day. Two boys sit behind me in one class and puss-puss the whole time. I have more than once turned around and asked them to stop talking. I don't even say shush or ask politely. I'm a hair away from calling them stupid fuckheads.

I could go on. It's my blog, and I could. But I am so fed up of them all.

Back to Bom.

Assignments are piling up and it's getting challenging trying to not spend all the time doing them and forgetting to prepare for class and keep revising. I take advantage of the TAs as much as I can and I can feel a couple of Contracts concepts slipping away from me, so I've been using office hours like a muthafucker.

Civ Pro midterm was last week and exactly what I knew was going to come, came, and I still wasn't happy. My study partner and I did an almost-exact question the day before and it all slipped away. I got the larger concepts in and matched the fact pattern to them but there were still things I left out. I could have done much better, I know. But I know 12(b)(6) inside and out and I can only pray that comes in the final.

My second Contracts paper is due on Monday and I pounded out a first draft and edited it as tightly as I could tonight. I'm not sure I want to take another look at it on Sunday, but I'll see how it goes. It's very hard for me to go over what I've written. I actually have a "done" point in my mind, which I find it very difficult to get past. I'm not sure what I'm not seeing. I find a first draft to be vital in anything I write. I can fool myself that it's not finished and just jottings, but it's really quite comprehensive. I find that I need to go back to using pen and paper, cross out and rewrite. I usually get three drafts that way, but can fool myself into thinking it's just one. One means it's not done. Three means it's almost there. It works for me.

Legal writing is getting interesting. There's an awful lot of bitching in that class and I find myself going later just to avoid it. I actually think the class is getting better and am kinda liking it. I'm definitely in the minority. I also like Legal Research and am learning stuff there too, despite popular opinion. There are only so many ways to make these two courses interesting and I think the teachers do try, especially in LR. I've always believed that school is like the Forest of Arden: it gives you from what you bring to it. If I schlep into class late, don't read ahead, moan about the professor, I know I will get nothing out of it because there is only so much self-motivation I can do under those circumstances I put myself in.

It's when I think like that I remember that being older has its advantages. I feel sorry for my very young classmates who won't know this for years, if they ever do at all. I wouldn't want any of the things that happened to me that got me insight to happen to them. Not even a little bit.

Ok. Back to Bom.

hip-deep

2010-10-05T20:44:00.008-04:00

Wed, October 6, 2010

Alarm goes off at 6 and I hit the snooze twice until 6:20. Roll over on the husband and drag myself off the bed.

Feed pets, make coffee, ablutions, drink coffee, dress, check weather and MTS on NY1 and leave by 7:15.

First class is at 9 a.m. Till 10:15.

Then class at 11:00. Have time for coffee or yogurt and Coke. Class ends 12:40.

Civ Pro group meets with TA at 1p.m. Till.

Meet with study partner to do Civ Pro practice exam under exam conditions and then discuss.

With any luck, all that Civ Pro-ing can end by 5 so I can do my Legal Research HW and start my LR assignment.

Thursday, October 6, 2010

Alarm goes off at 6 and I hit the snooze twice until 6:20. Roll over on the husband and drag myself off the bed.

Feed pets, go upstairs and drag Derek off bed, make coffee, ablutions, drink coffee, dress, check weather and MTS on NY1 and leave by 7:15.

Drop Le Derek off to school and try to get to school before 9.

9-11 Civ Pro review session

12:45-2 Writing seminar

2-3:40 Torts

4:30-5:45 LR

Chances of me doing anything b/w classes on Thursday other than trying to eat and put books in and take books out of my locker is very slim. Mercifully, I am all read up for Torts this week.

One class on Friday morning and then Civ Pro for a good chunk of the day and more work on LW in the afternoon. Pick up Le Derek and come home.

Saturday, go to school and spend morning on Civ Pro questions and LR.

Sunday, spend day dividing up reading for K and Civ Pro.

I have a couple of movies at home to watch, much tv to catch up on and a husband and son to see and spend time with. Things are gettin' good!

a house for mr biswas

2010-09-27T10:44:00.006-04:00

The other day, I needed to grab a book to read on the train and picked up "The Mystic Masseur" and when I was done, I had a hankering to read "Biswas", although I can quote large chunks of both books by now.

I read "Biswas" at least once a year and every time I do I write a post about it. I should have given the book its own category on Journalspace, I read it so often!

But I love it. I have always held close Biwas' feeling "to have lived without even attempting to lay claim to one's portion of the earth; to have lived and died as one had been born, unnecessary and unaccommodated."

As much as the book makes me laugh out loud, even after multiple readings, it always fills me with deep sadness. I always feel so much like Mohun Biswas and reading this book is like when Bipti bathes young Biswas and rubs open the sores on his legs. I feel so red and raw and in pain. It passes, just like his: "... in an hour or two the redness and rawness of the sores had faded, scabs were beginning to form, and Mr Biswas was happy again."

I'm not sure I'd say I get happy again, but it does get better. And Biswas is a small boy in that scene and he is happy playing with his sister and discovering a pond.

And I miss home when I read it. It's funny, I own the house with John I live in but it has never felt like mine. It does feel like home, but not like my house. Of course, the former is better, but it's not like I don't know where Biswas is coming from. I used to plan to buy my own house and it thrilled and terrified me at the same time.

But I miss Trinidad. I miss everything I thought I didn't like and everything I truly loved. It pains to think about Annabelle and Anu when reading "Biswas". I miss mango chow and a good goat roti and sada with bhagi or bodi. God, I miss bodi! I miss Paramin seasoning and Machel's "Soca Santa" and stupid-ass crowds in Chaguanas and Hi-Lo cake. I miss making a special trip to Long Circular Mall to "see the decorations" and eat Mario's pizza in the food court. I miss Chinese food like a motherfucker.

I miss cricket in the Oval and sno cones and iffy palette from the iffier palette man. I miss doubles with chadon beni and slight. I miss the lady I used to buy papers and salt prunes from every Saturday morning. I miss the 'Nade and the corn soup truck. God, I miss corn soup. I even miss the Nagar and Emancipation Village.

I miss the newspapers and the news reports on tv. I miss 97.1 FM. I miss mas on tv and the old Breakfast Shed. I miss pepper shrimps from Town Center Mall and Lucky's Preserve Plums from Disdrugs. I miss Excellent City Center.

I am not even a third of a way through "Biswas" this rounds.

success, please

2010-09-17T09:43:00.010-04:00

I've been taking some academic success sessions offered by the school. They are very informative and I've discovered I've embraced a lot of the tips that they are giving us. In the tradition of law school blogs everywhere, here is what I think is useful to getting through the work.

1. Keep your syllabus with you at all times.

Sounds dumb? I've found that referring to my syllabus has been enormously helpful in guiding my outline. I also have two professors who have written very comprehensive notes in the syllabi. Going back to them can give you real insight into stacking your blocks.

2. Keep stacking the blocks.

Huh? No class is in a vacuum. Every one builds on the one before it and will help put up the next one. It's not a stop-and-start but a continuous flow of information that you have to assimilate, even if your professor doesn't seem to teaching that way. No exam is just going to have an essay question based on the application of one rule. They will all be ambiguous enough to discuss many.

3. Don't get carried away with what other sections are doing.

I often ask other large and small sections what they are covering in class but I try to be careful not to stress out over whether they are ahead or we are in a totally different planet. Other sections' perspectives are good, and talking about rules and issues is helpful. Just don't let it get to you. Your professor has a method to his madness. Trust it.

4. Brief.

Try to brief every case, not just the main ones, but ones in the notes as well. I don't have time to brief every citation in an opinion, but I look it up and try to pull out where the judge is coming from. Sometimes, just reading the quote the judge pulled out is not enough for me. I need to see what the facts and defenses were in order to understand why an opinion is going the way it's going. I've also learnt that opinions cam pull out just the bit they need and slant it, which might be the original intention of the case being cited. It's a lot of fun.

5. Ignore people

Everyone has an opinion, but opinions are like assholes. Everyone knows one.

6. Listen carefully to what your classmates are saying in class.

At this stage, people's comments aren't terribly insightful and some are dead stupid. But. They can be helpful in guiding your thoughts away from a bad idea or to something useful. If someone is being asked a question, make sure you can answer it.

7. Answer the question being asked.

It is so easy to just chuck it and say what you know. Don't. Listen to the question being asked. If you're in a Socratic dialog, the professor isn't going to just stick to the case. Listen to him ask you something slightly different and answer it. Not knowing or being wrong is not an issue. I've noticed that people get stuck on the original question and anything that comes after it is dead air as far as they are concerned. It's a tough situation when you're cold-called but you must focus.

8. Get proper sleep.

I've phased out in a couple of classes because I have been so sleepy that I couldn't focus. Also, don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you if you went out and then came home at some late hour and had to study for class the next morning.

9. Try to stay one class ahead of your schedule.

It doesn't always work. As the semester progresses, it's tough to maintain that pace when assignments begin to rear their ugly heads. It helps not to put things off. Schedule time for the assignment in increments rather than all at once. It helps to be able to go back to it with fresh eyes over a 3-day period that frustrating yourself by doing nothing else but that one thing all damn day. Also, it means that you aren't giving up time needed to prep for classes.

10. Do something non-law school related.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON tells you this. It's a fact of life. Don't become a workaholic or one of those people who always has his head stuck in a casebook and only takes a break to ... hopefully shower. I used to work at a newspaper and it dominated my life. It was all I ever did. I did not schedule anything into my life. I hung out with my colleagues only and spent very very little time not thinking about or doing work. Now, I take a whole day off and hang out with my kid, sleep and watch tv. On the train to and from school, I read a non-school book. Hell, I spend so many hours in school that even there I pick up my novel or watch something online just to take a break. I find these things relaxing and they take my mind off school. It's good to be indulgent every now and then, otherwise you'll begin to resent being here and nothing good will come of that.

in a fine castle

2010-09-12T15:19:00.003-04:00

Two of the law school blogs I read regularly have issues. One shut down completely, mostly because I think he lost his anonymity and is now applying for jobs and took the safe way out. Another is contemplating shutting down because he's too busy to write.

Deciding on making this blog public wasn't easy. I really thought about a separate blog to get into law school drama. But I've named my blog "A Look Inside My Mind" for a reason, and I chose not to shut that bit out, even as I have to censor my thoughts on here. I accept that.

Law school seemed very natural. I feel like I've been doing this forever. I really love it here. I love studying. I'm sleepy like heck, but I'm coping. I've managed to get out a few times with friends, spend time with Le Pie and even get to see my husband every once in a while. We saw each other every damn day for almost 5 years. Law school might be doing us some good. He's a funny guy and he makes me laugh.

I'm not particularly overwhelmed by the work, or the juggle with work and home. I do feel guilty about not seeing Derek and John, but they don't make me feel too bad about it and I appreciate that.

I have my first writing assignment due a week from tomorrow and I've been trying to deal with it as objectively as I can. However, I have no idea how it's going. I haven't fallen into talking about work with people and for fear of inadvertent copying, I definitely try to stay about from talking about the substance of the assignments we get. I'm all for helping people with the format and even join in collective moaning, but I'm very wary of mentioning direct issues. It's not easy, because I'd like to talk over case law with someone else, but I'd rather err on the side of caution for now. I really don't want to unconsciously absorb someone's ideas or vice versa. I've seen "Inception" and I understand it!

But working on the assignment has been fun. I enjoy Contracts a lot. Civ Pro is tougher, and I HAVE a study partner for that one. Those assignments don't jones me up the way Contracts' does.

Hmmm. How scary am I?

you don't know me, muthafucka

2010-09-07T19:29:00.007-04:00

You have to say that header like Ken Jeong. Sadly, that is a joke only my husband might get. Which is probably why I married him.

On 3 different occasions today, I was told, in some form or fashion, that I was being thought of as a gunner. Not the book-hiding, page-cutting kind, but basically still the nuisance kind. They were joking. They were nice boys. They had no malice behind it. But I still found it odd that in one day, 3 different men would josh with me about my work ethic. Each time, I took it no further than their statement and just changed the topic.

Someone who was with me when it happened asked me if it bothered me. I said yes and no. It doesn't bother me because I've heard worse about myself and came through very unscathed. It doesn't bother me because I can't do anything about it, so I let it go. What does bother me is that I feel it's a tiny logical leap from "she's always prepared" to "she's going to graduate when she's 40 so her life cannot possibly be like a 22-year-old."

I consider myself very lucky. I had a long time to prepare for this. I've had this in my conscious mind for years and it got to really gestate and take form with no competition for brain space. I asked my friend, who came straight from college to law school, if she had that luxury and she said no.

I am lucky because my husband has some practical experience in handling a partner in an intense academic situation.

I have always known I cannot bar-hop and drink till 2 in the morning, stumble home and try to brief cases. I knew I had no intention of giving up my sleep. I have a child who needs me and whom I need and spending a Saturday with him is the thing I look forward to the most. It's how I get through the week. I know I have to make up for that day somehow.

I also know I've done the scene. I have my legendary drunks, fucks and parties under my belt. And I also know that I was over it when I was over it and I knew, even then, I wasn't going back to that. I killed it and it was over. And it's not any different now than it was then. The drinks are the same, the dudes still lie and the parties should still be over long before the last lime leaves. Only condoms are more expensive.

I am not doing anything more than I am supposed to. I have no secret answers in my pocket. I read until I understand. I ask or email a Prof or a TA or a 2 or 3L if the work is getting the better of me. I'm assigned the same work as everyone else. I'm just operating with different motivation. I want this. I want my kids to be proud of me. I want them to see that they can change their minds, choose to be different, to see they aren't trapped by life. It's hard when it's hard, but sometimes you get opportunities. Mine is called John.

By the way, while writing this, 2 people came to ask me for help on an assignment. It was the same way at UWI. The same people who accused me of rubbish and talked behind my back used to come to me for help. I never said no or gave anyone halfway help, even though sometimes I wanted to. I thought I didn't know them in the same way I believed they didn't know me and it cost me nothing to say some words. I didn't get any less smart and explaining something always made me understand it better.

I'm not saying these 2 people fall into that category, but the irony is still inescapable to me.

blog blues

2010-09-03T12:49:00.003-04:00

It's not that I don't have things to post about. I do. Many, many things. But I don't feel comfortable putting them down here. I barely even talk about them. Shit that really gets on my nerves, I call Anu and Skype-rant at her for 20 minutes and come away feeling better. It's out in the world but no where it can come back to bite me in the professional ass.

God, but it's hard. I am easily pissed off and I cannot take my pissiness to FB or my blog. I've given up on Twitter. I know it seems perfect: 140 words to just state my irritation? How perfect can you get? But, I got some personal character and moral fitness shit to think about and the censoring has begun.

Not that I haven't censored myself in the past. I don't put my sex life on here. Not because it wouldn't make for interesting reading (trust me!) but I do have someone else to think about in that regard and I have to afford him some privacy as well. As Pie is getting older, I am more careful what I say about him, because he will (hopefully) read this someday and I don't need to have to foot the therapy bills for causing his dysfunction. I don't even mention Chris more than in passing. He's way to old to want to me to do that and I respect his privacy as well.

But I liked having the outlet to say that people pissed me off because of so and so. But I have made this blog public and the school is aware of its existence. That puts the responsibility on me. I accept that. I do miss Journalspace, where I could have made posts private or friends only, so at least I can put my grief out there.

For now, Skype-ranting will have to do.

cold-calling

2010-08-29T11:20:00.004-04:00

So nearly all of the law school blogs I've been reading have a post about cold-calling. So why not me?

I'm very okay with being called on. I go to class prepared as hell and want to be called on. I have no issue with speaking in public and knowing I'm prepared as hell gives me even more confidence.

But, I'm 36 years old and faced my public speaking demons way back in high school and emerged victorious. My high school was an all girls Presbyterian high school in Trinidad, one of the best. While it had long since given up Home Economics and how to lay a table, it held on to 2 important things a young lady should know how to do: properly lift a chair and speak in public.

The former was taught on the very first day to your class by an older student and never discussed again. There was no need, because no one ever held a chair any other way ever again. Ever. Again.

The latter was a bit trickier. You really had to want to speak in front of people to get much out of it. But I think everyone had to speak out in class and did their best to overcome the fear. For the braver and talkier, there were 2 avenues open to you: debate competitions and taking assembly.

I was all about taking assembly. I lived for it. From 2nd form (about 13-14) and up, each class had to take assembly at least once for the term. There were 4 assembly days in every 6 and it a was supposed to be a different pair of girls at the podium each time. The entire class chose the topic and worked on it together (in theory) and the 2 girls taking the stage would do the final speech and present it.

My first one was so scary. I was still 12 and never stood in front of a huge crowd like that. 700+ girls, all of the teaching staff sitting on the stage to my right and the principal sitting next to the podium on my left. I don't remember what I spoke about, just that I loved it.

By the time I left school, I was taking the stage 2 or 3 times for my class, which I am sure my classmates appreciated because they didn't have to stand next to the P for 15 minutes while she checked out your shoes, nails and uniform belt. That was really the scary part: is my uniform exactly as it should be?

Those years were such a good foundation for me that even though years would pass before I ever had to speak in public again, I was always ready for it. I always write what I want to say and that helps no one.

I have no issue reading from the notes I made for myself when I get called on in class. I am not a memorizer so I write that shit down for a reason. I think a lot of people feel they need to sound off-the-cuff and not rehearsed. I am more eloquent with the written word and have no issue reading what I wrote. They are still my words.

I think I have some of the best 1L Profs. If you tell them before class you aren't prepared, they won't call on you. They will make a note of it but you get 2 free passes before it begins to affect your standing. One of them said just a note with a name will suffice, a reason isn't needed.

Another problem is many of the young'uns haven't had any kind of public speaking experience in undergrad and getting called on for the first time can feel like death. The thought of getting called on makes them start to shake. And the Profs don't just ask one question. If they start with you on one case, they keep at you, or keep coming back to you even after volunteers are called on.

It's pretty clear who likes to talk. Most people have something to say, so Profs take volunteers a lot. It's still early in the semester, so I don't know if Profs are going to recognize the talkers and call on them a lot when they volunteer and cold-call the ones who don't. They don't know most names-to-faces as yet, so sometimes a person who has volunteer several answers or points gets called on in the same class. I kinda wish the Prof would give that person a break and call on someone else. Not because she's not brilliant, but just to hear someone else's point of view. I'm sure no one agrees with me on that point. If that person is being called on, it lessens the chances of someone else being called on!

I know at least 2 of my Profs knows my name and my face. I am making sure that one of them is going to know my face real good. I have to find a way to get the 3rd to know me but I'm not really having a problem in that class, so I might have to make one up.

stroking myself

2010-08-26T16:11:00.002-04:00

Since this is my blog, I am going to indulge in some serious onanistic behavior.

I am super fucking smart and am loving being in law school. I feel exactly the same way I felt as an undergrad. Fucking brilliant.

Not that I am not surrounded by some stunning brilliance as well. There's a guy in my classes who I am dying to ask to be in a study group with me, but I don't like the guy he hangs out with and I'm afraid if I ask him he might want to ask his friend and I can already see we will get away. His overinflated sense of superiority cannot co-exist with mine. It's that simple. I'm the king.

So I'm in K and the Prof is asking his questions and I'm answering a few and he just moves on after I answer. So... dude, am I doing it wrong? Give me some feedback here! But, then I begin to notice that it's the people who aren't hitting the nail on the head that he's on, and the case we're discussing is one of my favorites, I realize that he's not hanging around to stroke the people who are hitting the nail on the head. And who's an accurate nail-on-the-head hitter. MOI! Boo-yah!

It truly helps that I love that class. What is it about contracts that gets my blood pumping? I have no idea. I loved dealing with them at The New Press, I loved the class at LP and I'm loving this. I'm a little concerned that I might wind up spending a disproportionate amount of time on this class, but, then again, it's 3 days a week and is 4 credits. It needs the extra time.

Civ Pro is cool. I just found out that I don't need to memorize the entire rule book, that we will get one on the day of the exam. Whew. But I am trying to climb all over Rule 8, 11 and Rule 12(b)(6).

Torts, I just love. I thought it would be my toughest class b.c of all the elements required to bring a case: you have to satisfy every element and who can remember them all? But, I'm liking this Prof's teaching style and I've exercised some brilliance in his class as well.

So here's where I gripe. And if you don't like it, go read someone else's blog. I dislike people who answer the question they want and not the question they hear. Why do people do that? It was pounded into my brain since Common Entrance to answer the question in front of me. That kind of shit just keeps everyone back and I start to lose interest.

I'm torn b/w helping people, getting into a study group and other social mores. I don't always feel very social. This morning I got off the train actually thinking that I hate people. I'm not always thrilled to be sitting by myself in the cafeteria, but I'm not 12, so I cope. I manage to get a lot of work done and I do enjoy my own company. Always have.

library day

2010-08-22T17:34:00.005-04:00

I spent my first Sunday at the NYLS library. I don't think I can be any more prepared for tomorrow as I am right now. Will law school be over tomorrow?

I took Pie to breakfast at a neighborhood diner. It was our special little birthday breakfast because I won't be seeing much of him on his actual birthday, this coming Thursday. I'll be home for cake and see him open his present from me and John, but that's about it.

He ate the middle of one chocolate chip pancake and all the bacon. He also made me get him a Coolata from Dunkin Donuts, which John says tastes like cough syrup, but Le Pie loves. I forewent a taste.

I've been craving banana pancakes for weeks and I finally got some. They were delicious.

Then I dropped Der back home and headed off to school. It was so quiet today. From tomorrow, classes start for the entire school, so the place will be jumping, in a pleasant way until finals, when they might have to scrape people off the walls. The caffeine consumption alone in that place is scary. People drink huge coffees with a side of Mocha shot or Red Bull. I'm not exaggerating. This was on the 2nd day of Orientation! I've never had a Red Bull in my life and I do not intend to start now. My sleep is fucked as it is.

I managed to get through my entire week of K classes today. I'm up to 2 classes for Civ Pro and Torts, so I decided to head home. It was a very productive day. I'm hoping to be able to take Saturdays off and not have to sacrifice my sleep too much. I don't plan to go to bed much later than 11, since I have to be up at 6. We'll see how that goes.

ugh!

2010-08-21T07:09:00.004-04:00

I hardly ever write about celebrities and mostly keep my opinions about those I admire b/w me and my husband. However, I have to put down somewhere how disgusted I am by S*pencer P*ratt (I'm hoping to avoid him coming here when he Google's himself while he has his morning whatever).

He describes himself as a "fame whore" but there's got to be a worse word for him. There are ways to use your celebrity (such as his is) to be famous without resorting to the steps he's taking. Just ask Paris Hilton. He says he is Christian, but he's shopping his sex-tape around? Is it any wonder his wife (no great brain there either, but clearly realized his shit stank worse than most) left him? Living with him must have been exhausting.

This kid is the worst representation of celeb-reality there could be. Not than any of the others aren't trying to catch up. The only reality tv show I watch is "Dancing with the Stars" and even though the "Stars" are somewhat fallen, at least they are working their asses off at something physical. And there is no on-screen drama b/w the players. It's about the dancing and the love. Mostly. I refuse to mention her name here, but we all know who I mean when I say, "poor Tony Dovolani".

But back to this brat. Shopping around a sex tape he made with his wife? How low can you get? Doesn't he have parents? Or a conscience? I once saw an interview with him (I forget on what channel but I think Wendy Williams was on the panel) and his wife over the Al Roker drama. His wife honestly said she had no control over him when Williams pointed out that she had some responsibility for his actions. He agreed. He listened to no one.

He is truly sickening and the media, will claiming to be equally sick of him, still write about him and show clips of his antics. It's not often I wish for a media blackout on someone, but I wish he would just disappear.

that recap i mentioned

2010-08-20T18:22:00.003-04:00

So, as I was saying before I got all side-tracked, Wednesday and Thursday of this week were pretty good.

I had my first official class on Thursday: my small section Civ Pro met. It's so great when you can walk into a class knowing you know the material and when you raise your hand, something intelligent comes out. I had a great experience and we have a terrific prof. I heard some people in a small section Torts class had a brutal experience with their prof. Yikes. I am kinda expecting that with my K prof, so I am doing my best to be super-duper prepared for his classes. Plus, it helps that I love reading the K cases and doing the work. Ask me again at the end of next week if I still feel the same way.

After Civ Pro, we had the convocation ceremony in the auditorium. Basically, it's a ceremony that officially welcomes you to law school and no one actually tells you that you can't ask for your tuition back after that! I guess I'd keep that a secret as well.

I was exhausted during that thing and struggled not just to stay awake, but not fall asleep. That I found more brutal than my Civ Pro class. There were short speeches by the Dean and the head of the Student Bar Association. However, the next speaker went on and on about why we came to law school and NYLS in particular. Um... I know why I came. I certainly know why I picked the school. Was that the best you could have done with your time? It wasn't unhelpful. by any means, it just seemed out of place for a convocation ceremony.

The President of the Board of Trustees was a NYLS alum and been in the biz for 51 years. They should have let him speak earlier, because he I wanted to hear. Honestly, I cannot remember much about his speech right now, but I tried to pay attention because, hey, 51 years as a lawyer is some serious staying power.

Then I stood in a rather chaotic line (I use the word loosely) for tiny cupcakes and fruit, and only because I was starving. I figured I would grab a bite to sustain me and then head home. I was so tired I could hardly stand.

I had almost reached the top step, when I think I might have dozed off. Seriously. I closed my eyes and they jerked open when my slipper hit the edge of the step and I went crashing down. I heard someone ask if I was all right and I think I said yes but looked up for the help. Not a body moved. I was stunned. If I saw someone fall, I'd at least stand up and make sure they were moving on their own steam and not just immediately go back to my chatting because she mumbled something. I was even more stunned because I actually needed the help. I hit my knee pretty damn hard on the step and I had to drop everything in order to hold on to the rail to stand up.

I began to make my way to locker sub-zero when I felt some breeze around my left knee. I looked down and saw a tear in my nice new black skinny jeans! Grrr. I rounded the corner by the student organization offices' when both the pain hit and the realization there was something wet running down my shin.

I walked into the Stonewall office and Rachel, who amazingly went to nursing school, managed to stop the bleeding and dress the cut without making the tear in my pants any bigger. It was truly a feat. I heard someone ask how do people in other law schools make out because Rachel goes to NYLS. I heartily concur.

The adrenaline from the whole experience managed to get me to the curb of 185 Broadway and into a cab. And that's when I realized exactly how sleepy I really was. I made it home in mostly one piece, redressed my knee and went to sleep. When I woke up, my leg from the knee down was in agony. Today is a bit better, but I decided to stay off of it for a while.

Derek has not had an easy time with Mummy doing this law school business, as I've been home late every night, only able to put him to bed. I'm so tired when I get in, that he reads me a story from his Iron Man book. I can't be picky. Tomorrow, we take him to Victoria Gardens, and if I don't go he will disown me and buy a new Mummy at the Mummy Store. Plus, I want to get to the library on Sunday for a few hours to go over my K and Civ Pro notes for Monday's class. Despite the trials (no pun intended!), I am liking my new life.

bringing my perspective to law school

2010-08-20T09:58:00.007-04:00

It's been a pretty memorable week, to say the least.

Wednesday was much better than Tuesday, depression-wise. I met up with some FB friends and I think I spent most of that day just laughing. So not a whole lot of studying! There was a Legal Process class, a library tour and an Alumni event, all of which was surprising fun.

After LP, the 2 profs stuck around to chat with some students. I stayed in my seat to see if my neighbor could get into the portal or use my access to get her info. Another FB friend came up and introduced himself and we just stayed there, chatting. The profs thought we might have been waiting to speak to them, so they came over to ask. We wound up talking about the amendment to the 14th Amendment re children of illegal immigrants born in the US no longer automatically being citizens.

I told them that, as an immigrant, I carry around a great deal of guilt that I don't throw my lot in with immigrant issues across the board because I did things the right way. I married for love and my husband adopted my biological child out of love. We had a lawyer, filled out the right forms, produced what we needed to produce and survived the hearings and interviews and the CIS bureaucracy.

But, in spite of that, I feel the same way any person who comes to live in the States, especially NY, feels: lost and alone. I flailed along for years trying to figure this place out, learn trains and buses, walking on a different side of the street, etc. And that's just logistics. Trinidad is a very different place, with a very different atmosphere. I felt like I was learning a new language.

Aside: this is one reason I feel so ready for law school. I'm not sure I conquered NY, but in the almost-five years I've been here, I've come a long way. Law school IS a whole new language and set of experiences, but they very much parallel my way since I moved here and I don't feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not as unprepared as I could have been, hence, I feel more confident in my approach to everything. Plus, being older has its perks.

However, because I did everything the right way and I didn't come to the US looking for a "better life" (although, God knows, I have one) and never had any desire to come here, I don't feel as strongly about the rights of illegal immigrants as the illegals do. I'm not sure I feel, as a group, they automatically deserve the rights of naturalized citizens or permanent residents: the people who did it the right way;, who waited years for their paperwork to drip its way down the channels like molasses on a hot day; who paid the ridiculous sums of money at each stage of filing; who sweated out interviews with the CIS.

I am not thrilled at the move to amend the 14th Amendment either, especially if the thinking behind it is to control the influx of illegals: your kids born here are as illegal as you are, so don't born them here. I do realize my perspective on this is not the same as I am here legally, from the minute I stepped off the plane. I am also going to seek citizenship next year, with help from my immigration lawyer. How can I identify with people who left their homelands to look for a better life for their children? I'm not sure I can.

I didn't get into all this because I have an interest in immigration law. Constitutional Law, yes, but after going through the immigration stuff, I had no desire to get any further into it. But one of the professors suggested I talk to another professor who is big in the immigration law dance, and I think I will. It definitely couldn't hurt keep my options open, even if it's just to offer advice to friends down the road.

I intended this post to be about Wednesday and Thursday of this week, but it took on a life of it's own. I'll post about the rest of orientation week later.

welcome to law school blogging

2010-08-17T20:13:00.005-04:00

I don't think I like the word "blawg". Two law school blogs that I read on a regular basis use that spelling, but I been blogging longer than them 2 fellas born, so I figure I can spell it right and overlook the foilbles of today's youth.

Yes, I felt my age today. I have many things to write about but the problem is that when you write a blog that you hope people read is that people might actually read it. After hearing a lecture today about moral fitness and personal character, I choose to err on the side of caution and not bad talk people.

I do have to say though that I did have one disappointing experience today with someone who agreed to meet me and never showed up or apologized. It hurt me that I showed up an hour before I was supposed to and had to sit down like a mooks. I could have slept later and left home later. It made me oddly stressed out when she didn't show or call or email. Thankfully, I took my Contracts books with me and managed to get some work done in the hour. I choose not to have that one stain tar a school I actually love. I'll get over it and I think it's because I'm tired and every nerve is sitting at the surface, all raw and red, that I am stinging from it more than I should.

I also feel like I am too old to deal with shit. I have this weird notion that I have only so much time in which to do the things I want to do and even though I have the same 3 years as all my classmates I feel the need to get more out of it or something. That's not explaining it well. I just feel like the attitude I had at 21 isn't in me anymore.

Come to think of it, I was a pretty serious student at 21. And me at 21 didn't feel like I had the world at my feet. I felt pretty constricted by my circumstances. Now, actually, I feel like I have more open to me.

But I am 36 years old and I want to be able to take my career where I want to take it. I don't want to settle. Not with this. I've decided I don't want to cut corners or make compromises in this thing.

But, I digress. I meant to write about my day, my first day, at law school. It wasn't an easy day, in the sense that I felt very alone in a room full of people. I felt that way all day. I tried hard to shake the feeling, shake the hand crawling up my throat but I could feel it closing and squeezing. It's been such a long time since I've had to fight that particular feeling. It contributed to the feeling of exhaustion, along with the heat and the heavy bag. Oh, and the shoes that gave me blisters. You know who is wearing her slippers tomorrow!

But, oddly enough, I was happy to be there. I was happy when I was studying. I am looking foward to classes starting next week. Bring it, motherfuckers!

gettin' ready

2010-08-14T08:00:00.004-04:00

I woke up at 6 this morning. Actually, I was already awake when my alarm went off. I felt sick, stuffy and was coughing. I really hope it's just an allergy and not a cold. Miss Kayrein is coming tomorrow and I don't need to be sick now.

I decided last night, in between this toss and that turn, that I should move my books and stuff downstairs to my desk. I cleaned everything off my desk except the sexy beast. I'm not sure what to do with it so I'm leaving it there for the time being. Louisa is more mobile, and the desk has a pull-out drawer, so there is space to use it there.

I put the books in piles by course on a shelf. I managed to use the space as a temporary storage area for them until better can be done.

I'd actually much prefer to be upstairs, but the layout of the flat really prevents that. Plus, my office chair is more comfortable than the sofas and I can always lodge myself on the bed. I'm really hoping I won't have to bring work home, but, like I said, I've seen the size of the lockers at NYLS. I'm not sure it can hold what I plan for it to hold!

I vacuumed the living daylights out of the downstairs living room when I was done. I threw out a lot of paper: so much that I had to bring a recycling bin liner downstairs to stuff everything in! I'm going to deal with upstairs in a while. I'm tired now and I'm hoping to get some Contracts work in today so I can relax tomorrow.

took a tour

2010-08-13T16:52:00.003-04:00

NYLS offered a tour for students' friends and family this afternoon, so I took John and Pie. Pie's been before, so he was all over the place like an old hand. You'd think he was a student there.

I saw another family with little kids, so when Dean Perez divided the large group into 3 I sidled up into his group, thinking Der could have a little company. Well, I never saw those kids again and since Derek was walking around so confidently, I didn't have to worry.

Dean Perez came to tell me hi and that he read my blog. I immediately wanted to say that I'd take it down! But he said it was great and I was so embarrassed that I forgot to introduce John! Being singled out in a crowd was a little unnerving. It's easy to say and do stuff over the Internet. I didn't even recognize anyone I've been chatting with on FB.

The tour went great and this time I got to see where the lockers are (Lord, help me to find them again). I was a bit disappointed in the size. They are the size of a gym locker and I was hoping for bigger. If only to hold my winter coat! That fucker is huge! Ah well, if that's all I gots to complain about, so be it.

We also got taken from the new building over to the old one, which I'd not done on any other tour. I toured the old building over a year ago, when I was looking at law schools in the City. I loved NYLS even then.

The whole tour got me so excited to start on Tuesday. I forgot the days I just gave up to read and do assignments and just wanted to be in that beautiful building. I am going to have to go deep underground in the liberry to study, because if I sit anywhere else, I am going to just gape out the windows.

John liked the place a lot. He said it was beautiful and commented on how welcoming the atmosphere was in the school.

Then we went to check out the bookstore. There were also lots of people from the tour who came to get their books today, so it was really crowded. I been there so often, I was actually able to help. I might have to start charging this school! Anyhoo, I found a couple of books I missed and saw all the Legal Writing books were out, so I bought 'em. I spent nearly $500 in books this afternoon.

I think I am going to take a break from studying tonight. Tomorrow, I return to the salt mines.

the son luck club

2010-08-10T08:10:00.004-04:00

I was reading the latest post over on Dooce.com and thanking the good God I have 2 sons. Yes, Chris is a teenager and we have our issues that go way back, but I love him and respect the hell out of him for being the kind of man I know I wanted him to be.

Unless I bite the big one, I am going to have to deal with Le Pie's teenage years. So far, he's still my little boy. Too much so, sometimes. Last night, I was watching Eddie Izzard on Netflix and he came and sat on the stool in front of me and just stared at me. For no reason, he said. He just wanted to be near me. I had to tell him that he has to give me some space when he sees me doing something that doesn't involve him.

Even as I was saying the words, my heart was breaking. He's been like a limpet attached to me for weeks, months now. He told me yesterday that he won't see me again for 3 years when I start school. I laughed and told him he'd see me every day. But I know what he meant. It won't be me and my little guy any more.

I've tried to make our time together this summer fun and memorable, for both of us, but it's been a double-edged sword. I've always liked liming with Pie, the same way I loved liming with Chris when he was small. I love the conversations we have, how they talk to me about stuff that I have no clue about but they think I do and just like talking to me about it. Chris was a riot at 7 and so is Pie.

Pie is so much fun to be around when we go out. He makes the most mundane task way more interesting just by being present. He's learning to give me my space when I am studying and pretty much leaves me alone. He goes downstairs and parks his butt at his Daddy's computer, turns on the tv and forgets all about moi. The main distractions at home are the tv and fridge! And when John is working from home, b/c Pie cannot be downstairs and gets bored.

The first year of law school is going to be the hardest, and most time-consuming. I need to do well and I need to be away from home to achieve that. Leaving John to single-parent it out when I have papers, midterms and finals is going to be tough. Not seeing Derek will be tougher. I need my piece of Pie to get through my life.

School starts in exactly one week. I need to get ahead of my reading at least by a week, which means that this week is devoted to Civ Pro and Contracts and not much else. I really want to kick the cooking and laundry to the curb. I'm happy to eat Crix and cheese (or the US equivalent, whatever that may be) and buckle down. But I simply cannot ignore John and Derek.

Plus, Kayrein comes to visit this weekend and I need a dose of home before next Tuesday. Which means that I have to finish the work I set myself by Thursday. And today is Tuesday. And the Pie has had no breakfast yet. Sigh.

And he just came to ask me if we can go to Coney Island this weekend. Double sigh.

bitch bitch bitch

2010-08-07T09:49:00.003-04:00

With only 2 courses assigning material for the semester, I already feel swamped. I'm hoping to have at least the first week's reading for Civ Pro and Contracts done by the time school starts. I've taken to leaving the house or locking myself in the bedroom when I need to focus.

I've done one book for Civ Pro, but haven't answered the set questions or any of the other reading. And this is just for the first class... not the first week.

I've done reading from 2 books for Contracts, again just for the first class. I still have another piece of reading to prepare for it. Nothing has come for Torts and that worries me.

It doesn't help that Derek is talking non-stop to me these days. I cannot wait till he goes back to school so at least I have some time at home to read in peace. Sometimes, leaving the house is the only way to get some quiet, despite the Starbucks experience yesterday where not even my iPod could drown out that wretched music.

I think my shopping is going to done by today. I've bought all the books I could buy for now. I have Louisa the laptop and the Keen bookbag. I have some new clothes and plan to go to Target today to get some more. J&R Music World is also a stop to get an optical drive for Louisa. I think I own every pen in the world!

I do look forward to school starting. The first week seems a nice mix of class and welcoming events. Part of me wants it to start now and part of me thinks I could use another couple of weeks to come to terms with it! There is no pleasing me.

overwhelmed much?

2010-08-01T20:41:00.005-04:00

So I got my schedule, section assignments and some assigned reading this week. The first day was just elation at getting stuff we should have got a week before and sharing with other NYLS-ers on FB. That was quite thrilling. We were all so excited, it was beyond cute.

Then a phone conversation with a classmate made me realize there was so much I didn't look at in the info they sent. We got access to the NYLS portal, where everything school-related will be kept. I just looked at the first week schedule and the reading assignments. I didn't even know the schedule for the entire semester was posted until I read an evening student's question about making it to a 4 o'clock class.

NYLS created a FB page for admitted students and it has been a boon. I've had so many questions and the goodly people I will be sharing the Mendik liberry with for the next 3 years have come through in spades. So have the student advocates from NYLS. And there are no stupid questions, let me tell you.

I finally found my schedule this afternoon and had to email my advocate to ask her if TR meant Tuesday and Thursday or just Tuesday. I was building my schedule to put up at home and I was awfully chuffed at the thought of having Tuesdays off. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I did also discover that I wasn't the only one flailing in that sea of confusion! I was a little relieved.

I've been trying to be calm and approach the reading the way I supposed to. So far, I have most of my Civ Pro books and have been reading "Storming the Court", which I'm about halfway through. I am hoping to create a timetable to share myself with all my reading and the boys. John had a look at my schedule and I can drop Pie to school Tues and Thurs and pick him up on Wed and Fri. I really hope this works out. I find I have to force myself to think about the other things in my life and recognize they need my attention as well.

On a lighter note, my sexy bookbag is arriving tomorrow, as well as some of my books. I ordered one from the NYLS bookstore and plan to head down tomorrow to pick it up. I'm also going to try to do some work while Le Pie is home... we'll see how that goes.

summer school sux

2010-07-29T06:47:00.005-04:00

Le Pie decided to go to a very popular, academically-advanced summer school instead of regular camp this year. Last year, he stayed home because we thought it might be his last summer with me. One of the law schools I applied to was a part-time day and started in May, so we didn't want to take any chances by keeping him home this summer.

We should have.

He decided to go there because he had friends from his school there and because he (and we) thought the work would be like what he did in school. While both are true, it has become a frustrating experience for him.

There is almost no recess for his class. He says it's just "work work work and no free time". I think his teacher must be against summer vacation or something because she told me another teacher had to tell her to ease up on the homework. It is really oppressive.

She also has this thing against talking in class. Fine. They shouldn't be talking. But she gave Pie 1 30-sentence essay on why he should pay attention in class. He almost died over that one. She never even checked it. That really pissed me off. She takes away recess for talking. So that means he's not been outside to play for the last 4 weeks during the day. She also took away a field trip once. Both John and I are thinking laziness. Her classroom is one of the 2 the school is using that has a/c. Staying in there is much nicer than going outside in this heat, never mind the kids who need to stretch.

I had to make a comment on one of Pie's report sheets that not having recess is working against her. Pie is bored and was beginning to stray in class, finding other things to do beside his work. I also wrote that I was against cancelling field trips for talking.

A series of events led to Pie crying in frustration over this place. Since then, it's been a pep talk every morning from me to get him through his day. I don't think an 8-year-old needs that over his summer vacation. There are things with the camp that don't sit well with me and I told John I have buyer's remorse.

Le Pie has one more week over this and I already told him he can stay home the last day. They are supposed to go to Victoria Gardens for a grand trip and the teacher has been collecting points for talking from the kids and told him that if they get X points, they can't go. I want to know how she is going to tell parents their kids cannot go. Pie also said that she could cancel the first trip because that was free but the VG trip is already paid for, so she cannot cancel it. I told him not to worry and we decided to take him there as a birthday gift.

One concern we had was the Pie's experience here would spill over into his actual school when the new term starts. He's going into 3rd grade and there will be more work and more responsibility and if he hates summer school, he might not be so thrilled to go back to Harlem Academy.

But he seems to be separating the two. HA kids work very hard but they play very hard, too. It's mandated by the school that they go outside every day. On the days it's too hot or too cold, they might just walk around the block to get some fresh air but there will still be activities inside that they can have fun with, and sneak some learnin' in too! But nearly every day, they have an hour of recess and an hour of P.E. in Central Park. Bliss.

I've been having to pick Pie up at summer school at 3:30, although we paid for after-school and he's supposed to stay till 6. This is a kid I have to drag away from HA every day at 6. Drag. I have no recollection of wanting to stay in school past the set time.

I hated school. Hated it. Hated it. And I only have my parents to thank for that. Common Entrance was the death of childhood. In Standard 5, I had lessons before school started (at 8:30 a.m.) and after school ended (at 3:30 p.m.). My father made me go to lessons on both Saturdays and Sundays. Passing for SAGHS wasn't any great compensation for that misery.

It wasn't until UWI that I looked forward to going to school, for the learning part. SAGHS was miserably for me, academic-wise. I loathed Spanish and Math and I am not a memorizer, so History was painful. My only good subjects were English and Lit and the teacher pretty much sucked and I had to rely on my genetic talent to get through those. A'Levels was a bit better, but still tough for me.

UWI brought me into my own. If it wasn't for that, there would be no ambition to continue my education. I do not want Pie to feel the way I felt for 10 years. I still remember the sick feeling in my stomach every morning before heading off to school. I had good friends but the work was beyond me. I can only hope Chris had a better experience (but he's way smarter than me when I was in high school) and I do not want Pie to lose his enjoyment for school. The kids at HA have no clue as to how hard they work, because the teachers make the learning interesting.

I know we've been spoiled at HA, but I hardly regret it. I cannot wait for Pie to be done with this summer school.

a womb of my own

2010-07-15T14:18:00.003-04:00

I decided to name my new laptop Louisa and my new mouse Jane, after Jane and Louisa Will Soon Come Home, a book I read at university and just loved. It was about a woman putting her life back together, bit by bit and the structure reflects her fractured soul. It also introduced me to the concept of the kumbla and how I can make one of my own.

I am my own kumbla. I thought I wanted a different one, but over the years, I realized I was never going to be able to separate myself from myself without a great deal of pain and my only refuge was my kumbla. I live separate lives inside of myself and now I will be beginning a whole new part to one of those lives, or both. But my kumbla remains. It comforts me when I am sad, picks me up when I am low and loves me in spite of myself.

Jane and Louisa are new parts to remind me of the old.

letting go

2010-07-10T09:37:00.005-04:00

In b/w moving from the Guardian to the other paper, I had about 6 weeks or so to myself. I thought that I would try to be a grown-up and let go of some shit. One of the biggest pieces of shit was my sister, whom I hadn't spoken to since I found out I was pregnant with my older son, about 6 years before. I called her up and went to see her.

We got back in touch and hung out for about a year or so. Things had changed b/w us, obviously. I was older, and not the baby sister who could be ordered about to do things. I also no longer revered her like she was my world. In my head, she was just my sister, flaws and all.

Then I got pregnant with Le Pie, whose father was a black man with dreads. One phone call from here where she used a derogatory word and I never spoke to her again. I was hardly heartbroken.

During my pregnancy with Christophene, I mourned the fact that my mother and sister were not around to help me. I was angry about that for years. With the Pie, not so much. Despite severe depression, I didn't really care about her or my mother's reaction to the baby.

But that didn't mean that I wasn't hurt by their reactions to me. I cut my sister out of my life, but not my mother. I've always had this irrational guilt where she was concerned, which abated somewhat when the Pie came in the picture, but I always held on to the fact that she was my mother and I should care about her.

But her love was conditional, and it made mine conditional as well. I don't blame myself for that. If you don't receive something from someone, how can you give it back? My whole life, I've believed in one thing: treat others how you want to be treated. When John tries to fuck with me, I used to do my best not to retaliate, but after 5 years, I give back. When my mother hangs up the phone in a tantrum. I stopped calling back, and even hung up once myself.

One morning, a few months ago, I woke up and everything to do with the two of them just fell away. There was no pain or hurt anymore. I genuinely didn't care. I used to be sad that Pie didn't have his grandmother, and she is a good grandma. But now he has John's Mum and she is terrific. I love my sisters-in-law to pieces. I consider them my family. John's Mum treats me better than my own mother, how can I not love her?

I write my mother a letter every couple of months, full of mostly nothing news: I'm studying, Pie and John are fine, it's hot here... etc etc. It's about all I can do now. I say I have 4 brothers and a sister, but so what? I don't know where one brother is, I don't care where my sister is, one brother and I exchange phone calls once a year at Christmas, one brother is in Canada and might be rearing sheep for all the news I get from him and my other brother, my favorite, has been the greatest thing in my life. No one has ever been more supportive of anything I do, not my mother, not my husband, not even myself. At my lowest, financially, emotionally, mentally, he has always been there with "how can we get this done" and never "you cannot do that". I have no guilt about calling him my favorite.

Letting go of shit I held on to since I was 16 made me feel so much different. I actually felt like a different person. My whole outlook changed. I feel so much more open now.

Making the decision to go to law school definitely helped. It was a decision I made on my own. Naturally, John had a say in the finances and the timing, but holding on to it and making it real was all me. I'm not doing it for anyone (at least right now) but myself. I only have to impress myself. I do not intend to fail.

The only other thing, at least the next very big thing, I need to let go off is the battering I took living with my older son's family. A lot of that dissipated over the last few months emailing my son and just talking to him, sometimes in a one-sided way. I want him to be proud of his Mum.

In light of all these things, I'm making some more tangible changes. I've had 5 years at home to get fat and lazy and I loved it. It hasn't been an easy 5 years but medication helped. Reading books and learning about the City helped. Friends visiting and going back to Trinidad this year has been a life-saver. And there will always be GusIda and IdaGus and a snowy day at the Central Park Zoo with a woman I love.

So I'm trying to be less of a sour puss. I've changed my diet and the results have already been remarkable. I sleep better because I eat a lighter dinner and I've completely cut out soda (again) and snack on fruit and yogurt. I've even learned to like nuts! Still not in food, but I ate a handful mid-afternoon during Law Preview and it really helped to get me through.

And I do need to start writing again, exorcise some of the lingering shit. I need to make this my outlet again. Law school is going to be tough, even though I am doing my best to alleviate some of the pressure from now. I need to find something to do for myself as well.

golly gosh

2010-07-06T10:12:00.004-04:00

I was writing to a new law school chum yesterday and as we were exchanging blather about coursework, it hit me that law school is just weeks away. Two weeks ago, I was chomping at the bit to get my new laptop and books and reading assignments. Today, I am seeing each nerve joining a small bundle in my stomach.

I am still reading the book. It's been on hold b/c the boys were both home last week and today a friend from Trinidad is meeting me. I am so happy to see her.

I'm also trying to change my diet. After years of hounding me to include more vegetables in our diet, I am finally listening to the husband. We all love green beans, but Pie might be in love with them. I am yet to eat a green bean. I bought some fresh yesterday, so I am hoping I can steal some tonight.

I also bought these huge, gorgeous bell peppers to stir-fry with some beef strips. I am trying to ease up on rice and pasta as well. I like bread too much to give that up. I am also hoping that distracting myself with this little project will ease those jumpy nerves a bit.

Also, I am stalking my new laptop online. I have these bursts of "BUY A MAC", but I'm trying to stay the PC course and not vomit. The Sony Vaio Y series is lovely and I do like it a lot. I'm hoping it gets here next week... once I actually buy it. I have to reimburse family funds for it so we have to make sure we take care of other commitments before spending on a laptop. So far, I'm storing my notes on Goggle Docs to make the transition easier when the new machine gets here.

And I have a sore throat that won't go away.

my top 5 "avatar: the last airbender" episodes

2010-07-03T09:44:00.003-04:00

In no particular order.

1. "The Ember Island Players"
I laughed my ass off every time Toph opened her mouth in this one. I didn't want to believe her when she said that the play was dead-on characterizations but when I was watching the series over from the beginning, I realized Katara was always full of hope and even though the acting was exaggerated in the play, it wasn't wrong. The Katara-Zuko "romance" is also very funny.

2. "Tales of Ba Sing Se"
The Momo dance. I'd leave it at that but Iroh's sweet song to his son breaks my heart and makes me cry. Every time I catch myself singing it, I think of Le Pie and must kiss his face.

3. "Sozin's Comet: Avatar Ang"
It's really Sokka, Suki and Toph's take-down of the fleet that does it for me in this ep. I love how protective Sokka is of Toph and how take-charge he is. And how he grows as a warrior but still sucks as an artist. I also love hearing him say "hair loopies". And Katara finally gets her head out of her fussy britches and returns Ang's love.

4. "The Siege of the North: Part 2"
Zhao eats it. Angry Avatar Ang merges with the Ocean Spirit and saves the Nothern Water Tribe. Great battle scene and I love watching Katara fight and Iroh step away from the tea cup.

5. "The Blind Bandit" & "The Firebending Masters"
A little cheat because I cannot decide b/w the 2. The introduction to Toph really sets the tone for the rest of the season and her individuality stands out. My favorite line in the entire series comes from "The Guru" when she tells her kidnappers, "I'm the greatest earth bender in the world and don't you two dunderheads forget it." And the next episode is about Zuko re-discovering his fire bending and learning the dragon dance. The husband and the Pie do the dance and it is very cute.

housing & budget workshop

2010-06-30T17:28:00.006-04:00

Housing
Things to consider when looking for a place in NY.

- What can you afford? If you're going through a realtor, give him a figure you're comfortable with. Look at all your expenses and see if your rent is going to limit them in some way.

- Make the roommate decision before hunting. Decide if you're capable of sharing a place with one or more people and try to find them and discuss your budget and where you'd like to live. Also, try to be honest in what you can live with and what will drive you bat-shit crazy.

- NY is a big place and you don't have to confine yourself to Manhattan. Wherever you decide to live, look around and familiarize yourself with the neighborhood.

-Take public transportation into consideration. Make sure you say you want a place close to a subway line. The 1 takes you a block away from the school etc etc

-Be open with your realtor about what you want and need from an apartment. 1Ls spend most of the day at the school, so you need a place that will give you an opportunity to relax, be quiet enough to study, is well-lit and safe. Take into consideration laundry, internet, cable and whatever else you deem necessary.

-Give feedback to the realtor about places you've seen: you liked this and hated that. It will help him narrow his field of search for you and show him you are serious about the search and not just wasting his time while you troll Craigslist.

-Be careful of Craigslist. Many times the apartment listed is "no longer available" and they have a more expensive place to sucker you into.

- If you're coming from out of state, tell the realtor when you plan to visit NY and have him schedule the places you might be interested in seeing. Have him send it to you, along with photos, and strike what you can from your home state. If it's out of your price range, strike. You won't want to waste time during a short visit and you'd want to leave knowing you have a place to live.

- Have your paperwork ready. If you love the place, chances are someone else will, too. As the student-tenant, you need photo ID and proof of being a student. You will also need a guarantor, even if you've worked your entire life and plan to play for the place out of your own savings, the landlord will require a guarantor, by virtue of the fact that you are a student. Your guarantor will need to have his previous year's tax returns, should be able to show he has 80 times the rent (depends on the landlord), his bank statement and 2 current pay stubs. Find out before you go to see the place of you need anything else and start ensuring your guarantor can put these documents in your hand when you leave so you can give it to the realtor/landlord as soon as you see the place you want.

Budget

-You financial aid (see below) is only calculated for 9 months. Only if you are in classes over the summer, will you get any money. I'm trying to see if I can restructure it for 12 and live within my means! It's important to me not to touch the Hwang family money for law school stuff. That's what the loan is for.

-Factor in your additional costs. The school can help with the purchase of a laptop, health insurance premiums and child care. This will increase your financial aid/loan. You must purchase the laptop during the school term. If you buy if on August 17, you take the receipt to the Financial Aid office and they will notify you when the reimbursement check comes in. You are only allowed one laptop per student for your career at NYLS. Child care is only for the time that is given up because you are attending law school: eg, you were a stay-at-home parent and need daycare for your baby.

-Check www.studentloans.gov to see the status of your Direct Graduate Plus loan. I had many questions that Jade Kolb answered for me. She took me into her office and checked my status in front of me. Because banks no longer give out student loans, this federal loan business is new to the school and the first year it's in full application. But Jade was very patient in talking me through the steps I had taken and assured me I was set and my tuition is going to be paid. This is hard for me to explain and one of the reasons I was so paranoid about it is because it was so foreign to me and I couldn't seem to ask the proper questions that would satisfy me. Actually seeing the information in front me was exactly what I needed.

-In case you lost your financial aid letter (like I did) here is the breakdown of expenses
$46,460 - tuition
$17,082 - room & board (board is whatever fees and bills you pay for upkeep)
$1,300 - books and supplies
$3,510 - personal expenses (cell phone bill, groceries etc)
$801 - transportation (a monthly metro card for subway and bus use)

-There's a 4% fee for the graduate plus loan and that's per year. The loan interest rate is 7.9% and that's fixed for the 17 years you have to pay it. Go to annualcreditreport.com for an actual free credit report.

-We get a copy card the first week of school and are given 300 free copies.

-Everyone who attended the workshop got a cute NYLS lunchbag to encourage us to brown-bag it over buying food in Tribeca!

gettin' started

2010-06-25T17:23:00.003-04:00

So, since I'm waiting for the book to arrive, and feeling bad that I am reading a novel, and knowing that the book covers one case and its procedures, I thought I'd research the case and write something in order to (1) familiarize myself with it and (2) build up some typing speed.

The long and tall of it is that federal courts have to apply state law in cases where diversity jurisdiction applies. Now what is diversity jurisdiction, you ask? Well, let's see if I have to ask LP for my money back because I didn't learn nothing.

Diversity jurisdiction applies when both the plaintiff and the defendant come from two different jurisdictions: eg, one is from New York and the other is from Idaho. Now, who decides where the case is heard and which state law is applied is case-dependent. If the infraction occurs in NY vs the P by the D, then the P can sue D in NY and NY laws applies. P has the choice of making it a federal or state issue but if he decides on federal court, that court has to apply applicable state law and cannot create federal common law.

Think I got it! At least I got diversity jurisdiction!

put-put--sputter

2010-06-24T20:58:00.002-04:00

I got my first reading assignment for school today. An email came with a buncha information and a book for Legal Process: "Whose Monet? An Introduction to the American Legal System". Thankfully, from a skim of the contents, I covered a lot of this stuff in LP, so at least I won't feel like I'm swimming up a creek with no paddle.

I had dinner with my LSAT Tutor a couple of days ago. He looks just as fine as ever and he's even smarter now. He's been really helpful and if I was his mum, I'd be really proud of him.

He was great with the advice of his approach to 1L. He highly recommended swearing by "Getting to Maybe" for exams, as much as I recommend "1L" to people who have spouses. LP Dude suggested people in not-married or not-living-together relationships break up with their b/f or g/f. By the end of the week of prep, two people confessed to breaking up with their boyfriends. I'm glad I won't be a part of those conversations.

But I understand. I can't exactly take a break from my kid, who is my greater concern over my husband, at least relationship-wise. I've done the single parent thing and I feel so bad for leaving it up to John for at least the first year. I didn't take the LP classes over the summer because I thought it would be unfair to ask John to go out of his way twice a day to take Pie to camp and pick him up. Once in a way is fine, but every day for a week is a bit much for someone holding down a full-time job. At least Pie's camp will be over by the time I start school and we've made arrangements for the rest of his summer vacation.

Tutor pointed out he didn't have a girlfriend. Apart from wondering how someone so pretty can be without, I know it makes sense to be single. I like my husband and kid and I don't want to be single, but it would make things a lot easier. Of course, the irony is that I wouldn't even be in law school if I didn't marry the man and bring the kid for him.

So, while I continue to struggle with that, my first reading assignment came in. It is beginning to start and I am so excited. I just bought the book and it should get here in a couple of days.

The school is sending emails every few days with info about the first week. Lots of stuff going on. It looks like we will be doing either Civ Pro or Torts in small classes of about 40 or so. I'm hoping I get into Torts for the fall, as it's the one I think I might have most trouble with. I liked Civ Pro a lot and hope I get a Prof who is going to sustain the liking.

That's the other thing. Apart from Nadine Strossen and James Grimmelman, I don't know anything about the other NYLS Profs who will be teaching me. I won't find out who they are until that first week and won't be able to ask upperclassmen any questions till then either.

There's so much to think about, but I still cannot wait. I am dying to immerse myself and hope that I don't get lost in there.

the end of law preview is just the beginning

2010-06-19T20:33:00.002-04:00

I wish I could go away on vacation today. Sleep on the plane and wake up in Trinidad, spend a week at Annabelle's eating all the doubles, bar-be-que and Lucky's preserves plums I could stand. The thought of the next few days at home seem unpalatable.

I can't wait for school to start. I feel so much smarter already. I'm really tired, still, and cannot wait to go to bed. But I met some cool people at this thing and saw the best of the academic world. These teachers were so smart, so articulate and knew their stuff. More importantly, they knew how to impart it with passion so that I am impassioned as well. No Professor Binns among this group!

I did feel a bit old. Twice "The Paper Chase" was raised and the second time I heard the giggles when I was only person who raised my hand when the prof asked who saw it. Not everyone just graduated from college this year, but I felt the gap.

I'm sure I have more to say, but I'm really exhausted. I'll find the words next week.

they don't call it law preview for nothin'

2010-06-18T21:36:00.004-04:00

Prof Exam Prep pointed out that by 3:30, he will start to see people under the table, sleeping. I thought the was joking, even as my own eyes were closing and I was fighting to stay away. Not because I'm bored. Nothing about this week has been even the tiniest bit boring, but exactly the opposite. I haven't been this stimulated since my days at "The Guardian" and I am exhausted.

I came home a little earlier than usual and crashed for 4 hours. I only woke up because I was hungry and then Pie pulled me into "Avatar". I don't have any reading for tomorrow and I am looking forward to going back to bed. And I was so glad it wasn't just me. I actually saw people putting their heads on the desk and heads bobbing onto chests. It stopped being funny.

While the actual work in law school will be more intense, at least I won't be sitting in a classroom for 10 hours.

This class has been such a good experience. It has been pleasant to see how people, myself included, have grown in just a few days. Many of the diffident are more confident when trying to make a point and that alone makes them more interesting to listen to. If someone is willing to get behind what he says, you want to hear it, if just to refute it. Saying, "really quickly, I have a question" and then droning for 90 seconds over an unformed thought is painful for the listener and certainly I stop caring what you have to say.

We have Legal Writing tomorrow and NYLS has some decent emphasis on this, so this is the class I have been looking forward to most. But I have enjoyed the overviews given by all the teachers this past week. I have such a better understanding of what I am getting myself into, many of my pre-conceptions have been clarified and dispelled in some cases.

today, in law preview

2010-06-16T21:44:00.005-04:00

Property. I think I likes it. I also think that the rule against perpetuities is going to kill me.

I thought I'd be bored to tears in Property. I thought it would be full of esoteric terms and I'd have to learn about deeds and other dry stuff. I was prepared to work a little harder for Mr. Property, as I need a good grade for 2L IP.

But, maybe I'll just work harder because I like it. Prof Property didn't let the side down with his class today. I don't know how Law Preview Dude found these professors, but bless him for doing so. These are some heavy hitters in the academic world. I thought it might be a little fly-by-night, but nuh-uh.

It's not just that they come prepared or that they are entertaining to people who are understandably nervous about learning a new language. They really work hard to present a bigger picture of law school and what a student can get out of it.

It's more than just the case or the doctrine applied. All of the profs so far have hammered home the necessity of the argument and how to form the argument. Every one has thrown hypotheticals out to see if we can change the argument or form a new one. It has been most instructive.

Prof Property gave a larger overview of the scene. He went into some detail as to what a professor expects out of a student, using the Socratic method mostly, and what the student should take away. He even took us back into Torts and Contracts and it was like a mini mid-week review. Very nicely done.

I've been hearing and reading that these pre-law school readiness attempts are not such a good idea. I'm not so such they should be dismissed out of hand so summarily. I don't think my NYLS Torts prof is going to waste any of the precious 13 weeks he/she has to get through the casebook holding my hand and telling me what she expects of me. I don't think she is going to hold up one law course against another and show me how to utilize doctrines in tandem or when a cause of action might have more than one recourse and this is how it could go in Contracts or Torts.

But, I digress.

This class was also different because the Prof threw out many questions and hypos and got the class to really act and think like lawyers. I have to say, in comparison to the previous 2 days, it was like the overall intelligence went up 50 points today. People really stepped up and asked useful questions and made decent arguments. It was a terrific learning experience.

Some personal shit and an inevitable observation.

I was so tired today. I had a cup of coffee at home, an iced mocha with a shot of espresso when I got to class and another cup of coffee at lunch time and I still barely kept my eyes open. I felt beat up from yesterday and it was especially hard to wake up this morning. I am not even sure how I managed to stay focused today. It was a real effort. And worth it. I'm proud of myself.

I've read in a couple of places how law school completely takes over once you start. It's a total immersion in the law and the difference in a person is almost immediate. Noticing yourself change into someone else is a tricky thing. You want to enter school to learn and grow, but to change the way you think and speak, even at the most basic levels, is a lot to get used to.

I noticed that on Monday people's conversations were mostly about learning about one another. They were chatty and full of personal-type questions and mostly still very shy. By this morning, we were looking at everything in terms of the law. And questions and statements were bolder. This is 2 days into Law Preview. What is going to happen one week into law school?

I confess, I'm looking forward to it.

am i a gunner?

2010-06-16T19:26:00.008-04:00

I've never heard that term before yesterday. I found out today that it's particular to the law school student who is an ass in class, hides material in the library, cuts out pages and blacks out lines in books, etc. Apparently, a very derogatory term.

So, by virtue of me being in a Law Preview class, does that make me a gunner? I was told I was not. I have good reason for taking this class. So do a lot of people. Today's Prof (Property) asked for some of the reasons people were taking Law Preview. Most people just wanted to not be knocked out by what's a whole new language and way of looking at the world. Some have been out of school for a long time and some wanted to lose the bad habits they made as undergrads.

I've been looking at the people who are in this class (and in others I have taken) and it's really true that you can find certain types anywhere, even if they don't qualify as gunners.

There's the eager beaver. I've gathered that these are the peeps who got into several law schools, think they are doing the one they pick a huge favor and make claims that they did no work and graduated magna and summa cum laude. Now, those mean nothing to me and I will stare as blankly at you as you will stare at me when I say I graduated with Upper Second Class Honors. So what? We're on equal footing from day one at law school, no matter what happened at undergrad.

So the eager beaver has to talk in class. He or she usually asks unformed questions, just for the sake of asking something, anything. And his or her voice gets just a little louder, to mask the nervousness and add some bravado. He or she must hover around the group of students who stop after class to ask the professor a question, regardless of whether he or she has a question of his or her own.

Then there the "unprepared" vs the actual unprepared person. The first makes it known that he is behind in the reading, didn't finish the assignment, watched reruns of "Seinfeld" instead of outlining, etc etc. All the time he is swotting like a motherfucker. The second actually doesn't do anything because ... well, I don't know why. The first slouches in class and rattles off eloquent answers when asked. The second sits up straight and tries to bullshit his way or answers his own questions instead of the professor's.

Then there's me. I sit, trying to follow, getting irritated with the people who start every sentence with "okay" or "so" and use "like" every third word. I cultivate my sense of superiority by not doing those things. I raise my hand when I have something to say and don't when I don't.

And, as I saw and heard for myself, there will be someone who pronounces Arkansas as Are-Kansas.

exhausted

2010-06-15T19:16:00.007-04:00

One thing about the Socratic method is that it keeps your mind on a level of alert that it's not normally at and when it's over, you feel like you dug a deep ditch. I ache everywhere.

But, if all Profs are like Prof Contracts today, then excuse me while I leave to lay a wreath on Dean Langdell's grave.

Law Preview Dude warned us yesterday that Prof Contracts uses the Socratic method, and I read like mad on the train home, last night (after blogging, of course) and before class. I did the crossword on the train ride. Seemed like the right thing to do. Finished it before my stop, too.

Prof Contracts was also very entertaining. He has a very engaging way of teaching and discussing concepts. He lectured for a bit about Contracts on the whole and then used the Socratic method to discuss a case. We spent almost an hour with one case and he really held on to people for a fair amount of time. He wouldn't allow raised hands during the dialogue and that was a bit frustrating. Watching someone fumble when you know the answer is tough, but it's even tougher when you're in the hot seat.

I got into it after the break and I was so glad I was prepared. He called my case brief "very eloquent" and really gave me a chance to find the answer to the questions when I didn't know. The case I had didn't really give you everything in black and white and I had to infer about shit I knew nothing about. But he held on and I finally got where I needed to be.

The one thing I tried not to do was blather on when I didn't know. A lot of people talked around the answer and I found that frustrating. We would move a lot faster if you just said you didn't know and let him guide you. Or ask someone else. When I said I didn't know, he asked me pointed questions until I got it. At no point did I feel singled out or humiliated. I knew a lot and learned even more. He even called back to me when a point that was in my case needed raising again. He had to pull up a couple of people who apparently missed the conclusions in the case I just spent 20 minutes talking about. I think that was the only time I saw him just a little bit impatient.

He pointed out that once you're prepared, a Prof is willing to forgive a mistake or you realizing you didn't get it. It's not even reading the case is what pisses them off. He called me at lunch break and told me I did very well. I was just so pleased. After class, I stopped to shake his hand and thank him when I was leaving and he was so gracious and complimentary. I wonder if I can sneak into his class at the law school where he teaches? Must remember to look into that.

Being older than most people there has its merits. I don't feel the need to impress anyone. I've done my time with that. I'm not afraid to say "I don't know" or ask for help. Or show that I do know.

He asked people if they had any questions about the method and one guy said he felt really brilliant until he was asked a question and then he couldn't believe how unbrilliant he was. He asked how long would it take for a student to feel more comfortable with the method and to feel more secure about speaking out.

Prof Contracts said it's rare to get called more than once in a class to take part in a Socratic dialogue because classes are so big. He also made it clear that impressing the Prof by saying what you think he wants to hear or being belligerent is not the way to go. Just be yourself, he said. If you look dumb, so what? Learn from it and move on. Earlier, Law Preview Dude said the only person to impress is yourself. I agree. Although, I try to impress my husband a lot. And fail miserably. I need to get over that quick. Teachers, I've never had to try. I'm just naturally book smart!

ASIDE: A couple of people stayed back to thank him for making the experience not Kingsley. He had asked during the class why is the Hairy Hand case famous. I said it's featured in "The Paper Chase". NO ONE else in the class had seen the movie. It's a class of about 60 people and I am the only person who saw that movie. So when I say "not Kingsley", only I know what I mean. Sigh.

i dislike "like"

2010-06-14T18:50:00.007-04:00

Man, I cannot describe the boiling feeling inside of me when someone uses "like" every second word. I do not know how a teacher can stand hearing someone expound and have to sift through every "like" to get at the real words. Every time that happened in class, I wanted to scream out, "Stop saying like!"

That, and the fact the husband lambasted me almost as soon as he saw me, out on the street (the man couldn't wait for me to get inside the damn house because that bag damn heavy), were the only stains on a very good day. I'm trying to think about the good day.

So, Tort Law is something else, but I cannot describe how happy I am to be taking this class. I do not think any 1L prof is going to break down the thing quite like the prof did today. It is so much easier to approach a case actually knowing what the law is about.

Prof Tort described herself as not funny and lacking any sense of humor, but she managed to keep us laughing right through. Everyone in her hypotheticals died very dead and I wondered if I took a drink for every dead person...

While I was thinking that the defendants get the short end of the stick, I realized today that the onus is on the plaintiff to bring the proof out. Many times, the defendants win. Maybe that should be so because the world is pretty litigious as it is.

She really got me to think and, although I never actually got called on, it was a good feeling to see I was moving in the right directions in many cases. I used up almost my entire notepad b/w the case briefings and the notes from today. Thank goodness I left the undersides of the pages I wrote about the cases blank. It made it easier to take notes about them on the blank sides.

We were told that Prof Contracts cold-calls in class and we'd better be prepared. Naturally, Contracts is tomorrow and I managed to read 3 of the cases on the train ride home. And briefed none. You KNOW I'm getting called on tomorrow. And what am I doing now? That's right! Writing in my blog!

I'm still also reading "One-L" and that book is scary. The pressure these 1Ls put themselves under is overwhelming just to read about. I sat next to a fellow NYLS student and The Law Preview Dude had us go around the room saying what law school we are attending. When he came to us, he asked if we knew each other before and we said a little bit. He asked if it was a love match getting started and I held up my left hand over my head and pointed at my wedding band. The Dude said it wouldn't last beyond the first year. I laughed, but...

I read about Turow's marriage stress and wonder how we're going to get through it. We're already so separate in so many ways. Maybe that's a good thing. We don't rely on each other for friendship or doing things and one of us always has a Pie to contend with. When we do spend time together, just the two of us, it's nice, but we really don't count on it to fulfill us. At least, I no longer do. I used to hate not seeing John or not being alone with him. But I think that in preparing myself for the undertaking that is law school, I kind of let that go.

Le Pie wants his dinner.

the day before law preview

2010-06-13T11:59:00.010-04:00

So this class starts at 7:30 in the morning. Which means I have to leave home by 6:30. I wake up at 6:40 usually. Now I have to wake up at 5:30. I also had to save up my birthday money to spend on breakfast and lunch next week b/c we just poured a set of money into the Jersey City place because of a bed bug infestation.

I've made up a lunch menu for John to help him out as he is on Pie duty all of next week. Mostly by himself. Pie has 2 major events in school that I am so disappointed to miss. Second grade opens up a "store" and sells stuff, as they have been learning about money all year. John went to last year's 2nd grade and had a good time. I was looking forward to seeing my son and I'm heartbroken and trying not to let him know.

On Friday is his school's annual Field and Family Day, and the last day of school. The school hits up a park and has a huge field to play and picnic on. I had to say all my goodbyes last Friday as I won't be seeing any of the teachers or parents this week.

I've also lagged in the reading I'm supposed to be doing to prepare for the course. They advised that we read up to Wednesday's class but I'm barely done with Monday's. Granted, it's quite a few cases and I'm trying to brief them all and forgetting almost as fast as I take notes. I'm hoping that the fact that left some for today means I will remember them tomorrow!

Torts is going to be trouble, I can see it. I also think the fact that I am already set on what I want to do is going to work against me. I'm going to have to motivate myself as far as Tort and Criminal Law goes. I need Property, Contracts and Civil Procedures to move into 2nd year IP courses. Plus, there's that whole top 15% Harlan Scholar thing and Law Review. Tort counts too!

Also, instead of case-briefing, I am distracted by
(1) popsicles
(2) "Avatar: The Last Airbender" marathon on Nick
(3) blogging

The good thing is that I have only 2 cases left to go. They are short, but that doesn't mean they are easy to grasp. Tort Law is very odd. Not only have ambulance-chasing lawyers given it a bad name, but sometimes I feel a bit sorry for the Big defendant. The plaintiff seems to be able to get away with a lot. Not that Big Tobacco didn't deserve it, but some of the defendants I'm reading about seem to be getting the short end of the stick. Of course, I am only reading the decision of the Appeal Court and it always sounds very reasonable. But reading between the lines a bit makes me wonder if giving the plaintiff such a wide berth to litigate is a good idea. Maybe it's just me and I'm not even in law school yet.

At least I'm thinking about it, right. One good step alongside all the bad habits I'm struggling to break.

law school blogging

2010-05-23T15:17:00.006-04:00

I've been so drippy about blogging lately. I feel like I've been haunted by my Journalspace posts: all the little things I posted about over the years that are now lost in cyberspace and my sons will never read.

I'm of two minds about law school blogging. I guess if I continue to post here, it will be a public blog. I've been burned by a public post just once, in a very early post, and although it didn't reach the dooced stage, I was hurt and hurt someone else. Funnily enough, I didn't care for the person I blogged about, just the person who was indirectly brought into it and I was incensed by the fact that someone I considered a friend decided to copy and paste my blog and send it to the person I blogged about. I stood by what I wrote, in that it was all true, but I took it down and only use people's names once I have their permission.

But if I decide to write about law school and join the hundreds or thousands of law school blogs out there, I have to decide how to share what I want to write about and with whom.

The two people who read this already know I'll be going to New York Law School and a simple Google search will probably get them the names of my professors once I start. I, on the other hand, will stick to Prof Civ Pro and Prof Contracts. Writing about classmates will be the diciest bit and since people tend to piss me off easily, so how can I write about people?

The other issue is will I have the time to post. I've been combing the law school blogs for over a year now and even some of people who have already graduated, reading through their archives when I can. If they had the time, why shouldn't I?

As for now, I've signed up for Law Preview. I know there are 2 schools of thought about pre-1L activities, but I've been home for nearly 5 years now. I can handle 6 days of Law Preview. Pie will be in school anyway, so it's not like I'm sucking up his time.

He seems to be better about me going to school. I took him to NY Law and he just loved the place. He went inside classrooms and saw the cafeteria and the terrace and cannot wait to go back. I really must find some time to take him in August, when I actually start.

I'm going to try to blog Law Preview as best as I can. I'd like my boys to read this one day and see their mum isn't some old lady who is trying to cramp their style.

choices

2010-03-04T12:29:00.003-05:00

So I'm going to New York Law later this year.

I spent the day there on Monday. They are having a series of Admitted Students events for the next four or five weeks so their various action Centers can be explored. I initially could not find an Intellectual Property day, so I chose to go to the first event just so I could see the school and meet a couple of professors.

I took a tour of the school last year, before summer. They had not completed their new building, so I toured the old one. I did like it a lot, even then. But the new building is really blow-mind. It's all glass and the views of New York are fantastic. I have no idea how anyone studies when there is all that free gazing to be had. I can already see I have to spend a lot of time in the library!

I had a really good time on Monday. I came away thinking that I'd really like going to that school. I was truly torn between there and Cardozo. I was actually relieved I didn't have to make the decision and really stoked to be going there.

The people were awesome and everyone was very helpful. People there answer my emails in record time. That is always appreciated. I got to speak to a couple of students, who were great about answering my questions. I can't wait to do that for someone else next year.

The classrooms are huge, and I got to sit in a Con Law lecture. The library is several floors and there are lots of common areas to study.

I'm actually going back for another session, having discovered when I was there that there is a focus on IP day in April. Since I don't have to do the tour, I can spend some time with some professors and really get a feel for what's going on in the place.

Plus, I can't wait to buy my new computer!

lazy blogger

2010-02-16T07:59:00.002-05:00

I used to update all the time when I was over on Journalspace. I guess because i had friends there, people read me and I truly enjoyed it. Now, maybe not so much.

I also don't care to post about a lot of the stuff that's been happening to me. Some of it I really want to keep away from the Innernets and some I am just too lazy to record. I screw around on FB and Twitter, but even that is in phases. I'll get into a posting frenzy and then not bother for weeks.

I've been reading a lot. A couple of times I ran away from home. Today, I might go to the zoo, even though it's snowing.

I've been checking out libraries in the City. That has been fun... until I borrow ten books and have to lug them home. Well, it's a small price to pay for the joy of curling up with one and reading it. I wish it was warmer so I can just go sit outside and read.

Law school is looming and, once again, sleep is elusive. I barely slept last night and am feeling sluggish this morning.

Pie has been loads of fun. He keeps me laughing and glad to be alive. He is so funny and he and his Daddy are like 2 little boys: LOUD!

So, this is essentially a post about nothing really. Or a little of everything?

so... um... maybe time's come to say something

2010-01-23T10:47:00.004-05:00

It's been almost a whole week since I got my acceptance letter to New York Law. Barring acceptance from Cardozo, I'm going to accept the acceptance. I was pretty damn thrilled to get the letter and didn't sleep for almost 2 days. The day after it came, I spent at Harlem Academy, where everyone's first comment to me was, "You look so tired."

And I was. My head was racing so bad that I couldn't sleep. John and I spent some time in initial discussions about going to NY Law and a lot of decisions have to be made. I'm trying to fill out my FAFSA forms, only to be stonewalled by lack of income tax paperwork. Telling Pie was tough: he really wants none of this law school business.

I thought as he got older it would get easier, for both of us. But he is so great to be around, he makes me laugh and I love just chatting with him. I don't know how either of us is going to cope come August.

I keep hoping for Cardozo, not just because I am in love with the place, but because the first year would be part-time and would make the transition easier for all of us. I worry about John having to drop Pie to school in the morning. Pickup is easier, but he sleeps a good hour extra in the morning when I take Pie. I feel terrible taking that away from him. Not to mention him having to get the kid breakfast and pack his lunch, which I supposed I can do the night before, but it's still a task to get mornings going.

Every so often, just because I can, I let Pie get away with murder in the morning. I get up a little earlier sometimes to make him a breakfast that doesn't involve cereal. Sometimes, I cook after he's gone to school and then drop off a hot lunch for him at noon. Sometimes, I go have lunch with him and we have an identical meal. He gets such a kick out of it. I cannot describe how much I am going to miss all of that.

I've also spent much of this academic year living at Harlem Academy. I volunteer for a lot of things because I know I won't be able to do much once school starts. Hell, even before school starts. I didn't realize I'd love it so much or that they would start giving me stuff to do. I told them about law school and getting accepted but it's going to be tough letting go of the greatest school on the planet.

But I am excited about starting. I'm dying to go laptop shopping with the husband. I am going the PC route and there's a cute Toshiba model I have my eye on, but I am keeping my Mac for as long as it lasts.

I'm dying to go to Staples and make my name with stationery. I'd like to go to the school and sit in a class. Kaplan also offers a 1L mock session, so I will be going to one of those. I'm making lists and taking names. I can't wait and I'm terrified as all hell!

sherlock holmes

2010-01-04T09:11:00.004-05:00

One week, a few weeks ago, I had no new library books to read. I always have my quota of 10 books lined up in "Holds" but nothing new had come up. Rare.

I've read most everything I own several times, so I started to troll through some of John's books. He has a complete Sherlock Holmes so I thought I'd read them over. I read the introduction first, by a fella who is really into his Holmesian mythology. I was intrigued by some of the detail he pointed out so I went a-hunting for some info.

In my search, I discovered that there were several authors who picked up where Conan Doyle left off. I had already read Michael Chabon's "The Final Solution" and found to to be my favorite of the five books of his I read in a frenzy last year.

But there were so many more! Heady stuff.

I read Michael Dibdin's "The Last Case of Sherlock Holmes", which was a yawn. I really expected it to be more exciting as it dealt with Holmes investigating Jack the Ripper. Ripper winds up being Moriarty and he and Holmes do take that tumble off the Reichenbach Falls but it's his death with no resurrection. I thought that taking a great criminal mind and turning him into a butcher (with the excuse being that Moriarty needed to take this next step basically because he was bored) was dulling. I was hoping it would be Watson unmasked as the Ripper. Dibdin should ask for a do-over.

The re-mythology is far more interesting. Arthur Conan Doyle is a friend of Watson and, after much pleading, gets the doctor to persuade Holmes into letting ACD (how he is referred to in the book) publish one of his exploits using Watson's written recollections. All the "embellishments" that Holmes criticized Watson for in the actual stories is now laid at ACD's feet. It was pretty funny.

And, although Holmes dies at the end, it's ACD who "resurrects" him using cases from before his death. Watson mourns his friend until his own death many years' later. This story is only "uncovered" in the 1970 because Watson left instructions that it be opened 70 years after his death.

The novel promised far more than it delivered. I really wanted it to be Watson.

Then I moved on to Laurie King. What a difference. Technically, her series of books involving Holmes is "young adult fiction" and here's why.

In 1918, a retired and now beekeeper Holmes, literally stumbles over a 15-year-old Mary Russell. He has one conversation with her and discovers her gift for observation are as keen as his and he takes her under his wing. The obvious adventurous hi-jinks follow.

But it is a great read. I've read the first of the series, "The Beekeeper's Apprentice" and could not put it down. King also employs a wonderful device in which she, the author, writes in the introduction that she has received a huge package, sender unknown, containing many mysterious bits, bobs and trinkets, as well as pages and pages of some kind of manuscript. She has no idea why she was sent these items but realized the pages are recounts of exploits by Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes. She does some cosmetic rewriting, puts sequences into chapters and sends it off to her publisher. Eight books follow.

I went into Barnes and Noble and had a looky at the nine books. To say I am intrigued is an understatement. Russell has her own backstory: she winds up Holmes' neck of Suffolk to recover from surgeries sustained from a car accident in which her parents and younger brother were killed. She believes she caused the accident and has nightmares about it. I discovered that more is revealed about her past in later books and I had to leave B&N because I couldn't buy them and I might have sat right there and read them all. Thank goodness of the New York Public Library!

And I also have Paul Gilbert's "The Lost Files of Sherlock Holmes". He tries hard to copy Conan Doyle's style and, so far, brings nothing new to the table. Jeffery Deaver included a case in his "More Twisted" short story collection, told from the criminal's perspective. It is my favorite one so far.

I've also read that people wrote books where Holmes meets Dracula, Dr Jekyll and Mary Poppins. I think I'll be giving those a miss.

me and the movies

2009-12-17T08:12:00.006-05:00

There are some movies I feel obligated to watch when they are on. If I am flipping through channels and one of them comes up, I stay on it and watch it through. I can't help it, even though I can quote the dialogue along with the characters.

Shattered Glass
The Departed
Gone with the Wind
The Princess Bride
Sex and the City
A Christmas Story
Bride and Prejudice
Atonement
X-Files: I Want to Believe (Derek gets particularly pissed at this one for some reason!)
An American in Paris
Sense and Sensibility
Howard's End

It's insane how many times I've seen all these movies. They are all so different that I can't explain the appeal in just a few words. Some remind me of my father, some remind me of good times, some just drew me in.

I can't explain "The Departed" other than it satisfies some bloodthirst that must reside in me. "Shattered Glass" is just great story-telling and acting. "Howard's End" and "Atonement" are just beautiful movies to watch. "Bride and Prejudice" reminds me of home and cracks me up big time.

"The Princess Bride" is just downright wonderful and deserves its own paragraph. I saw that in high school (actually IN high school: some class showed it to raise funds for something or other) and thought it was a great romance. Only when I left school and saw it again did I realize its genius. Last year, I read the book and almost died laughing.

"Sex and the City" scares even me. I was watching it again yesterday and realized I was saying the lines out loud. It's one of those movies I keep on in the background when I am doing something else. So is "Sense and Sensibility" (even though I own the DVD, it's always like the first time when I see that movie) and "X-Files: I Want to Believe".

I guess I also find comfort in familiar things. Like some books I read over and over. Or repeating funnny things Derek said when he was a baby or John wrote to me when we were apart. It's just nice to go back to something I really love.

law school applications chronicles - applications

2009-12-01T07:31:00.003-05:00

So I'm almost done with sending my applications. Actually, I just have one school to complete as soon as I get in touch with their Admissions office to answer some questions.

My 2nd recommender never sent his recommendation. It would have been process by now. I gave up the same day I wrote that last post and asked someone else. She took 1 weekend and it took just a couple of days for LSAC to process it. I sent all my applications on Thanksgiving Day and one school already got back to me that my paperwork has been received.

Now I just wait for April when the "watching the mailbox" really begins.

law school application chronicles - recommendations

2009-11-14T09:29:00.005-05:00

You know how every book you read about applying to law school and every advisor you speak to about applying to law school and every blog you read chronicling applying to law school talk about that slow 2nd recommendation and you think, "Pshaw! That isn't going to happen to me," as you send that 14th reminder email to that 2nd recommender to please get his ass in gear and send the damn thing?

It happened to me.

I really thought I was above that. I'm not in school and haven't been for 15 years. I'm in regular touch with the 2 people I asked for recommendations and never thought I'd have a problem. The first one came in great time and was processed quickly by the LSDAS and sat in my account just waiting to be assigned to a school.

The 2nd one was my ace in the hole. I expected this one to be the one that kicked all other LoRs in the butt. Especially since I have a stinky LSAT score, I needed my written material to be extra-glowing. The first one was marvellous and I couldn't have asked for more, but I knew the 2nd one was going to go Matsui on it.

After much hounding and unanswered emails to the recommender, I finally get a response that it was sent. It takes 7-10 days for the LSDAS to process it and when I called, 2 weeks after I was told it was sent, they couldn't even tell me if it was received.

Sigh.

So I ask the recommender to tell me when and how he sent it so I can try to track it down. Turns out he was NY and mailed it from his hotel. He gave it to reception and they assured him it would be sent out. So I ring the hotel to find out if they have any unsent mail from that date. The mailroom manager informs me of the procedure for letters and tells me that if it didn't have a return address on the envelope, it doesn't get mailed, even though they submit it to the post office. It is now considered "lost".

Sigh.

I can't blame the recommender, because he didn't know about that and the hotel should have told him, since they sold him the stamp. But I am irked no end because I have been waiting far too long for the letter and I gave him months and a deadline. He repeatedly ignored my emails and I was so frustrated. I didn't want to be angry with him or even let on that I was angry at all because I didn't need him to be pissed off that he was doing me a favor and then be even slower.

I only have myself to blame. I worked with this man for years and knew what was going to happen, but I really felt, and still do, that his recommendation would be amazing. He sent me a draft and I wasn't disappointed. I love the guy and can't wait to see him again, but this is my life here.

He offered to FedEx it, but I had to first mail him a signed attachment. I have no idea why, but LSAC requires the applicant sign a form stating that you agree that the LoR be sent to the revelant law schools and you waive your right to see the finished LoR. I can understand when schools did interviews why the applicant not see the LoR, but no one interviews any more. What a waste of paper and time.

So I put the damn form in the snail mail and pray he gets it by Monday. In the meantime, I called the Internship Coordinator at the publishing company I interned at and pleaded with her to write me a letter and send it poste haste. She was wonderful and agreed. I sent her a form and reminded her she had written me a great LoR last year and she could just tweak that for law school. She still had it and promised to send it out on Monday.

Now, I am only in a tizzic about it because the school I want to go to requires 2 LoRs. It is small and recently became a Tier 1 school, so 2010's applicants are going to be the best. The competition will be stiff and I am very worried.

I've managed to send out 2 completed applications to schools that only needed 1 letter. The other 4 require 2 letters and I am only waiting for the 1. I would have liked to sent them all already. The books, advisors and podcasts all say by Thanksgiving is a good early time to have sent your application in, but everyone is going to do that. I already have the sucky LSAT score to deal with.

V

2009-11-04T06:51:00.005-05:00

Both John and I had read that the "V" pilot was the best ever, on E!, I think. Or a site that quoted E!. Anyhoo, we were looking forward to seeing it last night.

We were lucky enough to see the original miniseries on Sunday. We taped "V: The Final Battle" because we wanted to watch the game. We made Pie put himself to bed last night so we wouldn't miss anything. Priorities, right?

I don't know about "best pilot ever". "FlashForward" had a better time at creating suspense, tension and there was a kangaroo. Despite the seriousness of the events, there was still humor. The original "V" was pretty campy, but really stood out in bits. Some of the characters were pretty one-dimensional, and that was tough to take. But we did enjoy it hugely.

*SPOILERS*

I thought, since the new "V" was to be a series, they would spend a little more time creating the illusion the Vs (Visitors) are Earth's friends. It seemed pretty sped up that a rebellion started up within weeks, Vs peace ambassadors were introduced and the brainwashing has begun, traitors on both sides were revealed. It felt more movie-of-the-week than the establishment of a series here to stay.

The always-lovely Morena Baccarin, leader of the Vs, managed to look menacing and you did want to be devoted to her. The FBI agent, Elizabeth Mitchell, is falling into one-dimensional category. Alan Tudyk, cute on "Firefly", revels as the baddie, much as he did on "Dollhouse". Weakest is Logan Huffman who plays Mitchell's son, eager to believe the V's "peace always" message. David Packer played Huffman's role in the original miniseries. His backstory as Daniel Bernstein, the son who couldn't hold a job and was such a disappointmen to his father, was much more believable than Huffman's. Huffman's Tyler is just a brat who needs a slap.

The original miniseries also had Daniel's grandfather as the grounding element against the Visitors. Abraham lived through WWII and watched his wife being led to the gas chamber as he tried to escape with Daniel's father. So far, there's nothing in the new tv series to connect the audience with the threat the Vs represent.

V in the miniseries also stood for victory. Here, in the pilot, it is just a shortened form of Visitors. I understand the symbolism, but it feels cheapened by the fact that a rebellion is established so quickly. There was also no reason given as to why the rebellion started. Where did the first clues come from? The miniseries established that questions arose after the Visitors arrived and scientists had begun to discover anomalies about the creatures themselves.

It all felt a bit rushed for a pilot. Like we were supposed to read something beforehand that would establish why the reporter feels stymied in his job, why Tyler is giving his mother agita, why are Morris Chestnut's teeth so distractingly white and why does Lourdes Benedicto keep getting roles when she cannot act.

when it rains

2009-10-19T08:42:00.004-04:00

The Hwangs felt it this weekend. Crawling internet access, poor LSAT score, sicknesses, pet passing.

The only good thing was that Pie's EBT results came in the mail and he scored in the 99th percentile. At least I know my smarts went somewhere other than my foot.

I woke up Saturday morning to take a Pie for his first round of H1N1 vaccination. I checked my email and saw my LSAT score. I stared at it and walked back into the bedroom, woke John, told him and began to bawl. Pie ran downstairs to see what was wrong with Mummy.

I got it together fast for him and sent him back upstairs. I cried quietly in John's arms and then we decided to go ahead with the application processes and hope the strength of my essays will wow the crowd. But I was, and still am, crushed. I've never done so poorly in anything academic since Spanish in high school. And even that didn't disappoint me this way.

John spent the weekend being miserable from the cold. But he and Pie did go to see "Where the Wild Things Are" and he said James Gandolfini pretty much ran away with the show. Pie got a crown from his gymnastics class and he looked pretty cool wearing it. He wore it for a about 2 minutes when the movie started and then told his daddy it was making his head sweat, so he took it off.

Most of Friday and Saturday had me swearing and jonesing for the internets. We called Time Warner Cable and they did whatever and eventually John agreed to an appointment for Thursday! Thursday! I have to fill out forms online. Fuck Thursday.

But then John thought the cable itself might be bad and changed it. So far, so good. We're going to wait a couple of days and see how it goes before we cancel the appointment.

But last night was the worst. I went to bed early. I felt that John was snapping at me and I wanted to snap at him and my head was pounding and he was sick and the Pie was making too much noise and it did me in. I fell asleep in minutes. It felt like was only asleep for minutes when I heard, "Petal. Petal. Felix is dead."

There was much what-ing and Felix-is-dead-ing until it sunk in. John sounded like he was in shock. He couldn't even break it to me gently, he just had to say it. For a while, everything he said sounded like it came from outside of him. Felix is my... was my favorite pet but nothing I was going through was compared to John, who had him from a baby.

We put him in a box and woke Valentine. She clambered into the box and sniffed him a bit and then curled up next to him. That's when I lost it. Both Jackson and Mollie came downstairs and having all 4 pets in the same square foot made my allergies rise up something fierce. John's hands were already itching as he is slightly allergic to Felix. He was slightly allergic to Felix.

Felix. Past tense now.

We decided against telling Pie last night. I tried going back to bed twice but my right eye was itching so bad, I wanted to dig it right out. I'm pretty sure I scratched my cornea. We had no non-drowsy med so I had to wait it out. It hurt when I blinked. I washed my hands and face and stayed up with John for a bit while he was on the phone with the internet people. When he changed the cable, we played around online and then I went to bed.

I woke up to see Valentine still curled up next to her little brother. I'm not sure she closed her eyes all the way last night. It hurts to even think about her.

I told Pie and he was so unhappy. We'd already told him that we'd have to put down Valentimes (what he calls her) but Felix was a surprise. He didn't want to see Felix and I wasn't terribly unhappy about that. I didn't want his last memory of him to be all stiff in a box.

John's awake and we're going to call the vet to see about cremation and disposal. We also decided we might have to move up Valentine's trip to the beyond. We were so distressed at the thought of having to go through this another 3 times. I'm so glad I made callalloo yesterday. I need all the comfort food I can get.

Le Pie est ici

2009-10-16T09:24:00.005-04:00

In an effort to not think about the LSAT score, I called Shelly. And talked about the LSATs. Sigh.

However, we did manage to talk of other things, including her trying to get me to take a train to Maryland to help her unpack. More sigh.

The Pie came up and I was telling her how we live a fairly quiet NY life, as compared to the frantic idea that most people have of New Yorkers. We don't have small children, two jobs, have to walk up several flights of stairs to get home. Only one of us has to be in rush-hour traffic and both my husband and child can come home to hot food most days of the week.

And the Pie is in a school he truly loves. That is so foreign to me. I hated school. Not just like everyone else. I truly hated the place. Elementary school holds no good memories to me. I went to 2: Aranguez Islamia and San Juan Presbyterian. All my older siblings went to AI and were very well-known, and my mother was adored there. I hated that school. I had a couple of friends, but most of the other kids didn't like me because I was bright.

SJP was no better. There, my father was revered. My absolute worst memory comes from that school and my sainted father is right in the middle of it.

I hated getting up in morning. I hated putting on that garbadine uniform. I hated walking up the steps to my classroom. I hated the feeling of wondering if I was going to get hit by the teacher, with a stick, a ruler, his hand or the back of a handbrush. My 5th Standard teacher instituted the tap: students were allowed to "tap up" (slap behind the head) of any other student who was standing to answer a question and made a mistake. One girl's mother was a teacher in the school and after her daughter got her first tap, her mother came to our teacher and told him that the child gets headaches and to not tap her anymore. The rest of us could go suck duck egg. I still remember the first and only time I ever got hit on the back of the head by the boy sitting next to me because I made a mistake reading from a science book. I wanted to close that big, thick textbook and slam him upside the face. I have no idea to this day how I managed to contain myself. I didn't blame the boy, who told me he was sorry afterwards. No one enjoyed doing that to the person standing up. It was a tiny way of sharing the licks, especially among the kids who were beaten more often than others. I just hope that teacher died a slow and painful death.

But.

I digress.

Pie just does not have this experience in school. Neither did Chris. Pie just has the best damn time in school. He does not know how lucky he is. He wouldn't have this experience in public school, or in any other private school for that matter. He does so much in a day and it never feels oppressive, the way my school work did. He's allowed to think for himself and express himself, not a wild way, but in a controlled, creative way that still gives him freedom.

I am so glad neither of my children had to go through what I did. Corporal punishment was against the law by the time Chris went to school, but I still made it very clear that I would not tolerate any teacher putting God out of her thoughts.

Ok. Back to Bom.

law school applications

2009-10-16T08:01:00.006-04:00

I'm not sure that filling out law school applications was the way to get my mind off the LSAT score. My heart speeds up whenever I see Inbox (1) in my email tab. I wake up in a panic every morning, wondering if today is the day. I read in someone's law school blog that she did amazing as an undergrad and had all kinds of stuff going for her but she didn't get a great LSAT score and saw more rejections than acceptions.

I'm only applying to 6 schools, in the New York City area: Cardozo, NYU, NY Law, Fordham, CUNY Law School and Columbia. Anywhere else is too far and would require me to move. Actually, even CUNY is far, but...

Fordham means I can come home during the day. Columbia, too, but I don't have the highest hopes for Columbia. NYU is one of my favorite places and there are 2 wonderful scholarships that are right up my alley. NY Law has massive classes. Cardozo has small classes and is the front runner, just ahead of Fordham and NYU, as they are all terrific intellectual property law schools. I think I'm really going into international IP, which might be helpful if I ever have to move back home.

So I've been filling out applications and writing down everything that had to get left out or is needed specifically for a school. The 2 schols for NYU require separate essays, I also need to write 2 Addendums for all the apps to explain why there are 2 LSAT scores and why I there's an employment gap between 2005 and 2009.

[John gave me a small journal yesterday and it is coming in so handy to jot down all these things. I am also waiting on a plug for my Mac. It's okay to fill out the forms on Derek's laptop but I need a lot of stuff that's saved on my hard drive to write the essays. John's computer is on the fritz as well and he is waiting on a video card. I can do research on his, if it were working, but I cannot type on his weird ergonomic keyboard. I need the Sexy Beast for my juices to flow.]

I'm also trying to get the feel of where IP is going and what is needed to get into an academic career. I attended a terrific IP conference at NYU over the summer and am going to a conference on teaching law at Cardozo next month.

Ok, enough of this. Must get back to filling out forms.

the lsat chonicles - the aftermath

2009-10-01T09:33:00.003-04:00

I am so afraid of these results. I am trying to prepare myself for a score that just won't cut it. I can't put into words how I feel about this test. I felt I did so many things wrong, things that never went wrong before.

I forgot to set my watch before the first section, which was Reading Comp. I had the dials set to 12 but I forgot to press the knob when the examiner said to start. As a result, I had no idea of the time I was wasting and only had 5 minutes to do the last passage. I'm not even sure I aced the first 3 passages.

Then there were 3 Logical Reasoning sections, one of them being experimental, 2 before the break and one after. I was dead tired by the break and it didn't help that the door slammed into my toes and I wanted to faint from the pain. I just had to suck it up.

The proctors made a huge deal about not lining up for bathrooms. I took the test in a high school. Very nice facilities but I had a side-along desk, bigger than the ones I took the tests on at Kaplan, but cramped all the same. All of my stuff kept falling off. It was so irritating.

Anyhoo, we were told there were bathrooms on all the floors (tests were on the 4th and 5th floor and I was on the 4th) and not to line up, just go use the others. Fine. But we weren't allowed to use the elevators, even though the proctors made full use of them, lazy gits. What the fuck where they saving their energy for? To call 5 minutes? To walk around and pick up 20 or so books in a room.

Again, I digress. So I went down to the 3rd floor before the test started to use the bathroom, only to find it locked. I knew the one on the first floor was open, but I didn't want to walk up 4 flights of stairs yet again. So I went back to the line on the 4th floor and the woman who was in front of me let me go in front of her because she said I was there before her. So nice.

At the break, when the proctors again announced not to stand in line, I shouted that the bathrooms on the 3rd floor were locked. I had to shout because they refused to listen when I spoke softly. By then I was so irritated and vexed (and I hadn't even hurt my toe then) with their stupid proclamation, that I just shouted. We got the staff bathroom on the 4th floor open but the lines were long everywhere. I guess the proctors wanted to go home by noon or something, but they had no choice but to wait for everyone to use the bathrooms.

I was so tired after the 3rd Logical Reasoning. I was so looking forward to the Logical Games section but by the time it came, I was exhausted. And it was so easy. Again, I mismanaged my time and wanted to throw the pencil when time was called.

I got through the writing sample. I was so upset. The test was so easy. It should have been easy for me. Nothing in it was a surprise or undoable. I don't know what happened to me. I just felt crappy.

The rest of the day was great. I got home by 1:20 and John was so surprised when he and Pie came home from Pie's gymnastics class that he thought I left the test early or something. The proctors were efficient, minus that bathroom thing, and we started on time and moved very quickly because each room only had about 20-25 people. There were no problems in my room and seemed to be few all-round, judging by the fact that nearly everyone left the building at the same time.

We hung out at home. I went to Old Navy, tired as I was, and bought a Cardy Coat. I missed Shelley because I had no one to model it for but John liked it. I'm trying to get him to buy me another one.

We went to dinner at Ollie's and had a good time. We brought home enough food to eat the next day.

Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning with a sore throat. By the next day it was a full-on cold and I've been laid up all week. I feel better today than I have since Sunday and I don't want to over do it but we have company on Friday and Sunday and I have to get a-house-cleaning. John has been terrific, taking the Pie to school, picking him up, doing dishes and being sweet to me, even when I mouth "I AM SPARTA!"

I am hoping for the best re the LSATs and, after this post, will try not to think about it till the scores come in. Think good thoughts for me.

the lsat chonicles - before test day

2009-09-25T09:47:00.002-04:00

I don't have much to say except that I hope I do well tomorrow. I am officially tired of the LSATs and I feel like I am jinxing myself not to improve a 153 by feeling that way. I spent this week going over the June test. I hate inference and flaw questions. I feel like I betraying myself by even typing that.

I kept a lot of the techniques Tutor taught me. I did like having the ability to choose what works for me. New Tutor added a lot but it gave me a sense of empowerment to be able to weed out what I didn't like from her stuff and slip in what I knew works for me.

John is taking me to Ollie's for dinner after the test. Then, the wait begins.

for Aliti

2009-08-26T09:42:00.012-04:00

1. What color is your toothbrush? Blue and white

2. Name one person who made you smile today? John

3. What were you doing at 8:00am this morning? Heading to breakfast with the family

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Same thing as right now: Watching the Pie play in the pool

5. What is your favorite candy bar? Kit Kat

6. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Yes, when I was small

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Oh my God" when I saw a girl hitting her smaller brother

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Nestle Crunch Dibs

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee

10. Do you like your wallet? Very much

11. What was the last thing you ate? Breakfast: a mushroom, bacon and cheese omelet, potatoes and toast.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Yes, a t-shirt for the Pie.

13. What was the last sporting event you watched? Baseball

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Butter

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? A friend

16. Ever go camping? Narp

17. Do you take vitamins daily? Narp

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Narp

19. Do you have a tan? Narp

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Narp

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Not always

22. What did your last text message say? "We're going to be late bc of rain"

23. What you doing tomorrow? A lot of sleeping

24. What was the last movie you saw at the theater? "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

25. Look to your left, what do you see? The wall

26. What color is your watch? Silver

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? An aboriginal woman I interviewed for one of the first stories I ever wrote for the "Guardian"

28. What's the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? "What time is it?"

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-through? Go in

30. What is your favorite number? 81

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? The husband

32. Any plans today? Watch the Pie play

33. How many states have you lived in? 1

34. Biggest annoyance right now? Other people

35. Last song listened to? "This Used to be My Playground" by Madonna

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Sure

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? I wish

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My slippers

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Yarp

40. Is anyone jealous of you? I hope so

41. Do you love anyone? Yarp

42. Do any of your friends have children? Yarp

43. What do you usually do during the day? Study, sleep, read. It's a tough existence

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? Yes, absolutely

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yarp

46. What color is your car? If I had one, I hope it would be green

47. Do you like cats? Yarp

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yarp

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Narp

50. How did you get your worst scar? C-section to get the Pie out the oven

i want to be 7 again... but only if i can be my mom

2009-08-25T16:04:00.005-04:00

Pie had the best surprise birthday party ever. I want to post the pix I took but my Mac is playing up in its tail and I have to take it in to a Genius Bar to make sure it's only the plug and not something else. Sigh.

It was a small party. We were hoping for a big do in Central Park, but our friends' prior commitments combined with thunderstorms led to a few close friends in our home. Pie spent the night by his grandmother and everyone, except one kid and his mom, got to the house before he did. It was pretty great because all the kids, except the one who came later, have all been over and know the place well. They all found themselves in Pie's room, having a grand ol' time with his toys. We didn't tell Pie that till yesterday!

Pie told John later that when he saw all the people in the living room, just before he walked inside, he wanted to ask what they were all doing in his house. LOL! When they all shouted, "SURPRISE!", he stopped. It was like he froze for a couple of seconds, the threw his hands up and shouted, "YAY!"

It was terrific.

He made a beeline for his friends and they (6 boys and 1 girl) all went to his room. The 1 girl was almost 3 and threw herself in with them quite happily, in between shouts of, "Mummy, I want cupcake!" I told everyone that I was just waiting for the last boy to arrive and then we'd do the cakes and presents.

Pie picked out his own cupcakes from Buttercup Bake Shop. It seemed so much nicer than a cake, especially since there would be 5 vegans and having a extra cake would seem odd. I didn't want anyone to feel left out or weird, so I got vegan cupcakes from Whole Foods. I had some of the icing and it was so good, almost better than the non-vegan ones.

When we called everyone for cake, I don't think you could have held them back with a team of horses. Pie was just so elated. He looked so happy when everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to him. He asked (and got) a #7 candle and 7 individual candles and he blew each one out separately. AND made a wish for each one. That took some time.

Then he opened presents and loved every thing he got. He got a cool Nerf football and some books and even some cash. He got some Moon Sand, but the little girl finished that for him. She had a blast and all the boys told on her because she made a huge mess. John had to bring out the Shop Vac. Her mom and I sat back and let her go. She was happy to be in the thick of things with the boys. They played with Pie's Moon Sand that he got for Christmas and she played with the one he got that day. Unfortunately, that is now inside the Shop Vac and I promised her mom that I am getting her Moon Sand for her next present!

John's mom cleaned up most of the mess downstairs and even wiped the kids' feet because they were all knee-deep in Moon Sand. Have I mentioned I hate Moon Sand? Well, John was in charge of cleanup, so I didn't have to hate it quite so much that day.

Everyone had a blast. The kids played downstairs and parents took turns (except me) to go check on them while my MIL stayed down there, for the most part. But, really, they took care of themselves. They were all really good kids and we locked the dog and the cat in our bedroom, because one of our friends was allergic, so there was no pet to get underfoot. They had free reign of downstairs and enjoyed themselves hugely.

The grown-ups yakked upstairs and there was much mirth to be had. I was so happy to see everyone have a good time. I laughed so hard, my voice almost disappeared. After everyone left, I abandoned the husband and child and went to bed. I woke up in the morning to a clean house and a bad cold. It was worth it to see Pie's face. I don't think he could have had more fun if he tried.

the summer of almost seven years old

2009-07-27T13:30:00.003-04:00

I've been looking at the Pie a lot lately and am just stunned by (1) how utterly good-looking he is and (2) he is turning 7 at the end of next month.

I've allowed him to grow his hair for the summer, with the agreement that he would cut it before his birthday, which is a week before he goes to school. He doesn't like having messy hair when he is going to school but I've always wanted to see what he would look like if we let the sweet curls keep growing. He's got these little curly bits around his ears and his handsome face is framed by this thick, black, wavy hair. It emphasizes his deep, dark eyes and I cannot get over how I will have to beat the pretty girls and boys off with big sticks in a few years.

He is so tall and thin. He's so strong and so very unaware of his own strength. He's not skinny-thin (okay, maybe a little) but muscular and wiry. His basic yoga and gym training has him contorting himself into all kinds of positions and mostly giving me a heart attack.

I find it so hard to believe he is getting so big. He was in my arms, a cute, little, fatty baby. He was set on one hip as I did my thing in the kitchen. He said things like "chooch it, mama chooch it" when he saw ants, making the onomatopaeic sound of the Baygon. And no matter how many times I said, and he repeated, "cu-cum-ba", he put it together as "cumbaba", a pronunciation I love to this day. A cucumber can never be anything else.

I remember watching him taking that first step into his second step, all by himself. Him walking towards me, all wobbly and triumphant as I clapped and clapped. I rocked him on my chest every single night so he would fall asleep. He still likes that, but he is so heavy now, I can barely breathe when he lies on top of me.

Now he says things like "Daddy, how do you spell absurd?" and "Well, you weren't specific," and "I used that strategy" that leaves us dumbfounded. We lie in bed at night, repeating what he has said to us over the years. When we moved in together, even after he wore us out all day, we would lie in bed talking about him. It's not so surprising to me anymore.

He still likes to stick up under me when he is sitting on the sofa. Unfortunately, a couple of days before my period, I cannot bear to be touched and this only happened after he was born. Sad, but I feel so suffocated when he comes and jams his thigh under mine. I cannot help it, so he gives me two inches of space and I have to be content. He cannot help it either.

recovering

2009-07-24T10:07:00.005-04:00

On Tuesday, I hurt my back while bending over to open to one of Pie's drawers. I felt the pain like a hot iron across my hips, searing into my lower back muscles. I immediately straightened up and realized after that if I didn't do it then, I would not have been able to.

I screamed when it happened and again when I straightened up. Pie was in the bathroom getting ready for a shower and yelled to ask if I was all right. I had no idea what to say, because I really wasn't. I forced myself to lie on his bed and tried to breathe through the pain.

I told him to bring me my phone and sent him back. I heard him get into the shower and wondered if to call 911. I decided to call John and see if I could get him to come home. I rang both his work and cell phones and no answer. I just redialed his cell phone over and over, hoping that someone in his office would see it vibrating on his desk (if he was in a meeting) and call his attention to it.

Pie came out of the shower and I told him that if I cannot reach Daddy in the next few minutes, I will have to go to the hospital because I hurt my back very badly and I cannot move. The look on his face almost made me want to get up and dance the fandango. He look terrified for a moment. He asked if I was going to be all right. I sent him to get dressed and let me try to reach Daddy one more time.

I really meant to dial 911 as he stepped out of the room but then we heard the front door. I thought I was hallucinating from the pain. Then, Pie said, "Daddy," and I could have fainted from relief.

John never comes home early without calling. It's like an unspoken rule. I have to have time to hide the evidence of the lover and the crack before he comes home.

We tried to get a hot pack under me but it was too painful for me to move on my side. I took some Tylenol and he went to refill my codeine prescription. He moved my laptop into Pie's room so I could at least watch a movie. I couldn't read or move, but I managed to turn my head so I could see the screen. I now have a crick in the left side of my neck.

The worst of it was when I had to go to the bathroom. I held it for as long as I could but I had to go. The pain was as bad as when I had my C-section. The initial pain was worse than any labor pain I had with Chris. Maybe it was a good thing I went through that C-section because at least I knew how to move.

I had to ease my legs off the bed first. Thank goodness Pie's bed is not very high. Then I managed to get on my side and walk my hands up until I was sitting. John helped me to stand up and I put my hands on his shoulders and we walked very slowly to the bathroom.

It's a day in your life when your husband has to pull down your jeans and underpants when you have to go potty. I was so embarrassed. John was so sweet, trying to make me laugh. I had to sit ramrod-straight and of all of the days to go number 2. Sitting upright is not conducive to pooping, let me tell you. I read about the correct way to poop and it changed my life.

I managed the rest of it by myself (thank God!) but had to call John to help me back into my underpants and to get my jammy pants instead of my jeans. Then make the trek back to the bed.

Sleeping on Pie's bed was a bitch. Sleeping on my back was a bitch. All the meds I was taking was making me nauseaous. I desperately wanted to sleep on my own bed but there was no way I could make the stairs.

John stayed home Wednesday and Thursday and took excellent care of me and last night I was able to go downstairs to my own bed. I've had to take something to help me sleep so I would not roll around too much and hurt myself. I cannot sit down for too long and I already emailed my LSAT teacher to tell her it looks like I cannot make it this weekend. I think the train ride to the Village would derail me.

I do feel a bit better and can move around. I cannot bend over, though, so Pie is chief picker-upper for the next few days. I am going to try to cook today because the boys have been eating pasta for 3 days and I ate macaroni and cheese for 2 days in a row and cannot look at it anymore.

my NY travels

2009-07-03T17:03:00.012-04:00

I got home from a rather long, unnecessarily circuituous route home from a trip to Times Square. I got the gift for Pie's pal and headed outside the store. So far, so good.

I wanted to see what the Boardwalk hoopla was all about, so I took a walk up the street. It was okay. I guess I'm not enough of a New Yawker to be as ticked off as John. There were fewer tourists on the sidewalk, but only for the bit where the street was blocked off. After that, it was back to every person for herself.

So I decided to walk down to 6th Ave to catch the M7 home. But since I have no actual sense of direction, I took a chance and turned left. Wound up walking towards 8th Avenue. Ah well. I didn't bother to turn around and decided to keep walking till I hit a bus stop or subway stairs.

I think it was 45th Street I was on and it was fabulous. The entire street was filled with back-to-back restaurants. It's one block off the street with all the theaters and it must be lovely to go see a show and then just walk down the street and have your pick of foodies. I was enthralled. I do not think I ever took so long to walk one block in my life.

I got to 9th Ave and found a bus stop that would take me right to my flat. Lover-ly. I bought a Vitamin water to beat the hit and jumped on the bus that pulled up right as I walked out of the deli where I bought my water. I was feeling good.

However.

Isn't it always a however?

I didn't realize the bus was going downtown. I live uptown. I heard the driver say "Last stop" and wondered if I was in Brooklyn! Ack! Where the frak was I?

How could I not know where I was? Well, yesterday I picked up Heather Armstrong's book "It Sucked and Then I Cried" from the library. I requested it ages ago and had to wait for over 200 people to get through their copies before I could get it. I started it last night and even though I read her blog every day, I could not put it down.

I took the bus to Toys R US so I could read and thought I had a nice long bus ride ahead of me to read more on the way home. Well, the long ride part was true but I was so engrossed in the book that I never raised my head to see I was going the wrong way.

(Aside: Bellie: if those plans are still the plans, run out and buy this book now! NOW! I was trying to find a 2nd hand copy to send to you but I think all the women who bought the book are keeping it in the waistband of their jeans to swack the fathers of their children!)

Anyhoo, so I get out on Hudson Street and had to laugh. It was originally my intention to go to the toy store and then head down to this new park called The Highline to see if I wanted to go there to watch the fireworks along the Hudson River. And here I was, just a few blocks away!

Well, to punish myself I didn't go see the park. I found the train station and went to take the C train home. 20 minutes in the blistering station (not complaining, I enjoyed every second of being outside in the heat. No fucking winter!) a crackling voice said something about no uptown A or C service. So I took an E to 34th street and walked out to look for that elusive 6th Ave again.

There was this lovely map thingy outside Madison Square Garden, with landmarks and everything so I didn't have to deal with north and south. I found this store that John and I had taken Drew to for his birthday a couple of years ago. It was a games store. Now it's an adult film and paraphernalia store. I couldn't tell from the outside, so I went it. It was pretty cool, especially for me. The guys in the store got all quiet as I walked around. Anyone touching anything immediately dropped and put his hands at his sides. It was hilarious, but I really wanted to get home, so I left. (I must go back with John.) I found the B and D train station and decided to take the B home. Ah home. I remembered it well.

Alas, alack! Another 20 mins to hear Ms Crackly Voice say ... well, I can't tell you what she said. In fact, I cannot even tell you exactly it was a she. The D came and I took it to 59th St. I was very happy to get off because a guy in a wheelchair sat in front of me and stared down my t-shirt while I was reading. I wanted to hit him with my book AND Kijani's Transformer toy.

I got out and decided was going to take th M7 home. But then I saw Whole Foods across the street and felt I MUST. GO. THERE. NOW. Powerful draw, Whole Foods is. One is opening up in my neighborhood and people are up in arms. Screw you, people. Whole Foods is the bestest!

I bought stuff and lolly-gagged over the flowers and finally left the people place to find the M7. On the bus ride home (in the right direction this time) I finished the book. I was in tears. It was like reading about what I went through with Le Pie, minus the supportive husband and father. That's the part that made me cry the most. I actually think I would love to have a child with a man who actually wants the baby and wants to take care of me while I have our baby. But that's a post for another time.

It was great, four hours later, to be home.

the lsat chronicles - score

2009-07-01T10:24:00.001-04:00

I got my score last week - a 153 in the 56th percentile. Not good enough.

I was so delflated when I saw it. I rang John immediately and told him I was wanted to re-do it in September. It meant another $132 but at least I could take the Kaplan course again for free. I decided not to do the exact same course again but another one that is more tailored to people who have taken the exam and need a push for the harder questions. I also got a terrific tutor, as my own Tutor has left to go to law school.

Part of me wants to tackle it now and part of me feels so dejected. I was hoping to get over 160 and get on my recommenders, finish my personal statement and get the applications ready. The class does not start until July 19 so I have time to work on my statement and my recommendations. At the same time, I want to make sure I have time to spend with the kiddie.

John is on vacation this week but so far he has mostly slept the days away and stayed up at night. We've done nothing together and we have no ready money with which to do it, even if I could convince him. He and Le Pie are headed to CT tomorrow to visit Jess and Bri and I will be home. My brother is coming to visit on Sunday and we're trying to save a little money with me not going, not having to board Jackson etc. I still have to tell my brother about the score.

I thought that by this time the LSAT chronicles would give way to the law school chronicles. But, I guess not.

today

2009-06-27T20:57:00.006-04:00

I suppose I owe myself an LSAT chronicles update, but I had such a good time today that i don't want to think about that right now. The lime at MoJo's pulled me out of my funk in a splendiferous way.

I told the husband, while we were on the bus to their house, that I was feeling a little melancholy. He offered to show me a big melancholy. I think that's when things started to turn around.

I thought, before that, I would have to turn it on. That would be hard to maintain, given how I was feeling. But John and Pie were already in such good moods, it was infectious. By the time we got there, I was happy to be outside in the sunshine.

Joe and Maureen's friends, many of whom I've never met, were terrific. I actually forewent the people I did know to chat with people I've never spoken to before. One couple took to Pie like ducks to water and we got on like a house on fire. Once we realized how much we had in common, I had to force myself to leave them to go talk to the people whom I did know. Then, the lime got even better with them because they had me laughing about all kinds of things. Especially Ryan. What a lovely guy.

Sometimes, it's hard to be myself here. Today, I just didn't think about it. I just wanted to be me and not think about what John would say or the LSATs or anything else.

I left with the couple we befriended, who offered in the absolute sweetest way to give us a lift home. Le Pie and the husband wanted to stay behind. Our original plan was to stay to watch the Yankees plays the Mets at Joe's but I was thinking about the rain and how great it was to get a ride home. But Pie really wanted to stay and John's pals put him up to asking to stay, so I left alone.

It was a good time riding home, talking with my new friends. Poor Jackson was climbing the walls to go outside when I got in at nearly 9 p.m. and, as sorry as I was to leave the lime and the game, I was glad I came home to walk and feed him.

Thank you and g'night.

shakespeare in the park - twelfth night

2009-06-19T10:04:00.009-04:00

Anne Hathaway is not the only reason to see "Twelfth Night". I am sure her name is the draw, and she gives a wonderful performance as Viola/Cesario, but the rest of the cast is nothing short of amazing. Hathaway holds her own and she better, because the acting quality is fantastic.

I am not a fan of Shakespeare's comedies. I have always been drawn to the tragedies, my favorite being "King Lear". I also enjoy the histories, and they are my favorite to study. I first met "Twelfth Night" in 3rd form and I read it with my father. It was the only play we were to read together, as he passed away just after. "As You Like It" and "Much Ado About Nothing" came later in high school but I always found them overrated.

So, with a soft spot for "Twelfth Night", I joined a virtual line to get tickets to see the play. It's a random choosing so I was very lucky to get tickets on Wednesday. I was so excited. I went to pick them up just after 6 but they didn't let people into the Delacorte Theater until 7:45, so it was a wait. And with the monsoon weather we've been having, it was a wait with my heart in my throat.

I thought I dressed well for the weather. I wore a sweater over my tank and took my raincoat and umbrella. But it was still cold. Very cold. People brought blankets and I wished I'd thought of that but I was a Shakepeare in the Park novice. People around me commented that it was much better this way than when it is muggy and hot because it just feels uncomfortable with so many people.

I got a seat at the end, near the aisle, with a terrific view of the stage. I'll post some pictures over on Facebook a little later. You weren't supposed to take pix but I had no flash on my camera phone, so I got some before the play started. I wanted to take a couple of the actors while the light was still good but there were a lot of ushers around me so I didn't get the chance. Besides, when the play started, I didn't want to do anything else.

I do not think I have ever laughed so hard with this play. The interpretation was hilarious and the actors used the language as if they spoke it every day of their lives. It reminded me of "Romeo + Juliet" when Claire Danes screams "My only love sprung from my only hate!" It was a way of hearing the words leap off the page and make you forget it was written nearly 500 years ago.

It was Hamish Linklater who ran away with the show with his portrayal of Sir Andrew Aguecheek. He was delightfully foppish and brought a wickedly funny and, dare I say, sympatheic element to the naive and manipulated Aguecheek. I never like Aguecheek in the play and never warmed to him in any other production I've ever seen. But this time, I laughed so hard, I cried whenever he was on stage.

It wasn't just what he said, it was all the little non-scripted actions and nuances that Linklater brought to the character that made him endearing. I found myself longing for him to return to the stage, despite the fact that I knew exactly what was going to happen. I wanted to see him fall, frown, and hear him whine in his high-pitched voice that never managed to become annoying. He wore a long, flaxen wig and I wanted to die everytime he flipped his hair.

He was given every opportunity to shine with the bawdy and ridiculously funny antics of Maria, Sir Toby Belch and Feste, with Fabian (Jon Patrick Walker) joining in for good measure. Julie White, a tiny thing, gave Maria a jauntiness and life to her mischief. Jay O. Sanders played Sir Toby and swung his bulk around with ease. He and White had terrific chemistry on stage and if I found it unbelieveable that Sir Toby and Maria got married in the play, I didn't feel that way this time. Their interaction was as much courtship as it was to create high jinks.

The Fool sings a great deal in the play and David Pittu was ideally cast as Feste. His voice was nothing short of divine. He sings a song for Orsino (Raul Esparza), who joins in as Viola/Cesario looks on in pain, and he, too, has an amazing voice. The songs, and the vocals, added another dimension to the entertainment that I didn't expect. Just to sit back and enjoy someone's magnificent voice was delightful.

Hathaway sang in her first scene as Cesario and she is always a treat to hear. Audra McDonald, as Olivia, only joins in during the last song but just a few notes of her lovely operatic voice is enough.

Speaking of McDonald, she brought a sweet girlishness to the role of Olivia. She giggled and twirled and the delicious look on her face when she thought there were two Sebastians had me falling out of my seat.

And couldn't leave out Michael Cumpsty, in the funny but thankless role of the unfortunately-named Malvolio. His letter-reading scene was hysterically funny, as was his appearance in yellow stockings with cross-garters. Words cannot do justice to that image. That he had to pause to let the audience's laughter die down in both those scenes, should give some idea.

The rain held off until the very end, when a light drizzle started during the last song, which includes a line about the "wind and the rain". When Feste sang it, he looked up and laughed and got a rousing round of applause, deservedly.

It was a delightful performance. I didn't realize I knew most of the dialogue until I sat down and "season'd a brother's dead love" took me back to Roydon Salick's Shakespeare I. Ahhh, the memories.

So, if you're in New York between now and July 12, I recommend lining up, online or physically, to get your free tickets and enjoy Shakepeare in the Park - Twelfth Night. I can guarantee you will enjoy yourself hugely.

potato love

2009-06-19T07:11:00.005-04:00

Last night, I was still too tired to make real dinner so I went to one of my favorite easy go-to meals for the guys: eggs!

Pie loves breakfast food at dinner and I made him a hot dog omelet with toast with butter and jam and a cup of honey vanilla chammomile tea. There was nothing left when he was done.

For John, I had a couple of boiled potatoes left over from potato salad I made earlier this week, so I cut them up and sauteed them in some olive oil. I added some Mrs Dash all-purpose seasoning and some dill and served them over a lovely, puffy omelet. He loved it.

He asked me what I put in the eggs and I said, "love". He gave me a John-look and I told him what else I put in it. He wandered around the kitchen a bit and then pulled up a stool by my legs and gave me puppy-dog-John and asked me to make him some more of the potatoes, just the way I made them. "And don't forget the love," he said. I reminded him how he scoffed at my love earlier, but he looked so cute so I got up.

There was only one half of a potato left and he gave Pie a taste, who almost died dead at how good it tasted. John found a cuter face than his own and just gave him the rest. Somehow, it got the name "potato love" and exortations were made to Mummy to please make more. But I wasn't going to boil potatoes at that hour, especially since I was so tired. I promised to make more today.

Pie has a school picnic today and it's pot luck. We're taking some pesto pasta from FreshDirect. It has always been a big hit at our parties. There is probably going to be a ton of food for the kids so it would be nice for the grown-ups to enjoy something that is not a mini-hot dog.

So the delivery came this morning and Pie saw the potatoes in the box. I had forgotten all about yesterday. It happens at 6:30 in the morning, what can I say? Anyhoo, he didn't forget and reminded me I have to make "potato love" for him today. Who can refuse?

the lsat chonicles - test prep

2009-06-15T07:24:00.006-04:00

Even though the results are not out for the June LSAT as yet, I wanted to write a little more about the test prep class I took and how it differed from when I was doing it on my own.

(I found this little gem after I started at Kaplan, and it was very helpful for both LSAT prep and law school admissions. I really couldn't find a more comprehensive blog about the LSAT anywhere else, and I really looked.)

I started my own prep late last year. I bought a Kaplan 2009 prep book and got it going with a friend. It was slow going. If I'd found Steve's blog at that time, I could have used some of the study methods he set out, but I was just plodding along.

I took a couple of prep tests in the meantime. One from and Kaplan and one from Princeton Review. I finished all the sections (there were no writing samples on these tests and only four sections) and scored the exact same on both. They were not bad scores for someone doing the test for the very first time but all of my work was instinct and not really based on any understanding of what I was doing.

Reading Comprehension was the easiest for me, but I read entire passages and absorbed everything. Logic Games and Logical Reasoning were pretty foreign and I wasn't always sure what I was doing.

I began to do some research into prep classes. I very quickly ruled out all but the big two. I chose Kaplan because the other one was just disorganized. They also didn't use real LSAT questions. I also went to a seminar they hosted and the woman kept pronouncing "recommendation" as "reeCOMendation" although she pronounced "recommend" correctly. That really grated on my every nerve.

I attended a couple of Kaplan seminars and was pleased with what I saw. I signed up for Kaplan Extreme and began my journey to law school in ernest.

I really got a lot out of the course. Every section was broken down and every question type identified. That alone was so much help. In the actual test, I found myself automatically identifying question type in LR and knowing exactly what to look for. Even better, I could rule out answer choices immediately.

I discovered a more constructive way to take the test. The word "triage" is now stuck in my brain. Tutor himself carved a space in my head for that because he never let us forget how important it was to take a minute and look at the games and RC passages and determine the order in which they should be done. At first I thought this was done by personal choice, but not so. By the actual test, it was automatic and became a part of time-management.

Not to say that there wasn't a pitfall. The LG section in the June 2009 test was no picnic and there was no way around doing what I did. I didn't finish and that killed me. I have no idea how I put that mess behind me and carried on, but I did. For the record, dinosaurs suck!

But there was no question I was better prepared for even that on the day of the test than people who studied on their own. The guy next to me and the number of people canceling their scores were evidence of that.

At the same time, being better prepared might not translate into a good score. Much like the politician in "The Suffrage of Elvira", I don't want to jinx myself. I have no idea how I did. Some mornings I wake up and feel very good about everything, even fucking dinosaurs. And other mornings I wake up and wonder if I should sign up for the September test now.

my autobiography in point form

2009-06-11T10:09:00.009-04:00

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Where did you take your Facebook profile picture? It's one of my wedding pix.

What exactly are you wearing right now? Slacks, tank and short-sleeved hoodie.

What is your current problem? Waiting on LSAT scores and wondering if we can afford to give Pie the summer vacation I'd like him to have.

What makes you happy most? Hearing John and Pie play; reading; doing absolutely nothing at all.

What song are you listening to at the moment? Richard Attenborough's narration of the jungle part of "Planet Earth".

Ever sang in front of a large audience? If a parang session in high school counts, then yes.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddy TV shows? I have a 6-year-old, so very yes.

Do you speak any languages? A liitle Spanish and French and a few words in Hindi.

Has anyone you’ve been really close with passed away? Yes

What’s something that really annoys you? My husband.

Chapter 1:
===============
1. Middle name: Now it's Maharaj.

2. Nicknames: Maude, Bones, Pmaha, Pet.

3. Current location: Apt in NY, NY.

4. Eye color: Dark brown.

Chapter 2:
===============
1. Do you live with your parent(s)? No.

2. Do you get along with your parent(s)? After a fashion.

3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? My mother is widow.

4. Do you have any Siblings? Five.

Chapter 3: Favorites
===============
1. Ice Cream: Ben and Jerry's Stephen Colbert-inspired ice cream.

2. Season: Blistering hot summer.

3. Shampoo/conditioner: Head and Shoulders and St Ives.

Chapter 4: Do You..
===============
1. Dance in the shower? Yes, in spite of slipperiness and previous injury caused by said slipperiness.

2. Do you write on your hand? Yes.

3. Call people back? Yes..

4. Believe in love? Yes.

6. Any bad habits? One or two.

Chapter 5: Have You..
===============
1. Broken a bone: No.

2. Sprained stuff: My wrist.

3. Had physical therapy: Yes.

4. Gotten stitches: Yes.

5. Taken painkillers: Yes.

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling: No.

7. Been stung by a bee: Bee, no. Wasp, yes.

8. Thrown up at the dentist: No.

9. Sworn in front of your parents: My mother, yes.

10. Had detention: Once, with my whole class in high school. We had to clean all the benches.

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
===============
1. Movie(s): Star Trek (and it was AWESOME!)

2. Person to text you: My former next-door neighbor.

3. Person you called: The husband.

4. Person you hugged: The husband.

5. Person you tackled: The Pie.

6. Person you talked to on AIM/iChat: Anu on Google Chat.

7. Thing you touched: Seeing as how I'm typing I suppose that would be the keyboard of my laptop.

8. Thing you ate: A bowl of Maggie Chicken Noodle Soup.

9. Thing you drank: Cuppa coffee.

10. Thing you said: To the husband: Have a super-fabulous day.

Chapter 7: Future
===============
1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully employed.

2. Where do you hope to live? Eventually, in France.

3. Do you want to be famous? Only if I can be fabulously wealthy.

just so tired

2009-06-10T16:16:00.004-04:00

I feel so mentally exhausted. My body feels so mashed up, like I got drunk and slept in a drain the night before. I just want to sleep. I couldn't even stay up to watch the game last night, even though I had slept a good part of the day away. Even today, I don't feel much better.

I'm also not over the LSAT mindset that I've developed over the last few weeks. It feels weird not doing the work every day.

I did get some movies from the library and put back the books I took off reserve or returned without finishing over the last month. Netflix comes back up next week. I still have the admissions to work on but I did a lot before and don't plan to do anything until I get my score, so I have about 3 weeks off.

I'm hoping my energy is restored by this weekend because I'd like some Mummy and Pie time. He is so happy I do not have class anymore. We've started reading Harry Potter at night and he decided he wanted to read on by himself. We didn't do that with the "Regarding the..." books because neither of us had read those before. Since I have read all the Harry Potters, I told him to go ahead. It is wonderful for me to see my six-year-old walking around with "The Sorcerer's Stone" and reading it on the bus.

the lsat chronicles - the test

2009-06-09T08:56:00.009-04:00

I feel mentally drained. I haven't felt this way since LG took over the Guardian as editor-in-chief. But not even the mental workouts from those days was enough to prepare me for how I would feel this morning. I'm spazzing out even as I type this.

John's friend Michelle, who is a lawyer and has been through all of this before, offered to drive me to the test and wait there for me until I was done. I was so grateful and I really hope I can do that for someone one day because it was a huge help to see a familiar face during the break and after the test. Plus, I had no idea that I'd really want to talk about it so much and it was good to be able to do that with someone who knew exactly what I was talking about when I said, "I hoped section 1 was the experimental section because I didn't get to finish one of the games and had to guess-bubble!" More about that in a bit.

So she picked me up at 11 because I had to get to Queens College in Flushing, Queens, for 12:30. John walked out with me to meet her and pointed out her snazzy car with the top down. It was my first time riding in a car like that and I wish I could have enjoyed the experience a bit more. Michelle was wonderfully distracting, keeping up a steady stream of conversation but I was very reticent. I was not nervous, just kind of numb.

We got there in plenty of time and joined the rest of the gallon-bag holders on the 4th floor of the Student Union Bldg. Luckily, it was the place where I was supposed to be because I didn't know there was another floor of test-takers. And neither did a lot of other test-takers.

The LSAC people did not label the rooms properly and there was a lot of confusion. I was on a floor with a ballroom and the two sides of it were labeled Ballroom East and Ballroom West. The sign put up by the LSAC was A-Goldberg in Room 404 and Grant to L in Room 410. But there were no rooms 404 and 410, just Ballrooms East and West. Plus, no note about where everybody else who didn't fall into A-L was supposed to go.

So I asked the supervisor (she was easy to pick out because she yelled at everybody and was pretty condescending) where were the rooms we were supposed to go to. She said, "Read the notice." I said, "Em, I CAN read but the rooms here do not say 404 and 410 but Ballrooms East and West." I spoke very slowly and deliberately.

She looked up and realized I was right. She then pointed to the left for 404 and to the right for 410 and left. No apology and no announcement. I had to shout out to the crowd of poor test-takers, all of who were wondering the same as me, where to go.

The procters were just the biggest joke of all. Not one of them looked a day under 60. There were 3 in my room and 2 of them had canes. One had 2 canes. The one-cane lady was wonderfully inefficient and I wondered if it was her first time.

The main procter in my room was the 2-cane man. He called for all the Gs to come inside. So all the people with the last name G went inside. Then they came back out because the supervisor threw them out. We had to get finger-printed first outside. One-cane lady was doing the printing and she said to line up with the Gs first, then the Hs and so forth. One girl asked her if we're supposed to guess everyone's name. It was a fair question. Why couldn't she just call out the letters?

There were only a small handful of Gs, so I went in very quickly. The main proctor checked your ticket against your ID and the LSAC list and you were escorted to your assigned seat. I got to sit in the second row, on an end next to a window. Awesome! There were 3 rows of 2-seat tables, so it was very roomy and comfortable, especially being up in front.

At first everyone was very quiet, but seeing that it was only 12:45 and we didn't expect to start the test till 2, people began to talk. I had a lovely seatmate, a nice guy who happened to work as an intellectual property paralegal. We had lots to talk about. It took us a while to get going, but once we discovered we had something in common, we couldn't shut up. He studied for the test on his own so he quizzed me about Kaplan. I gave him a couple of tips but he looked pretty bummed out by the end of the test and told me he was going to take a class for September.

It took a long time to get started. Two people were in the room who were Rs and there was a lot of fuss about leaving them there or sending them back and then getting books for them and putting them on the list... It caused a long delay and those poor people had to go through a lot. One of them canceled his score before the writing sample. Poor guy. By the end of the test, 9 people out of my room of 68 canceled their score.

That took so long that people had to go to the bathroom. Before we went inside the supervisor told us to go before we went into the room because once we sat down we wouldn't be allowed to go back out and would have to wait until section 2. But the main procter was nice enough to let one girl go. Then a guy said if he let her go, the guy should too, so he went. The MP said that 10 people shouldn't go at once because we're about to get started. So about 15 people got up and rushed to the bathrooms! I know I felt much more comfortable when I came back. We were still nowhere near to starting.

They finally got round to handing out the test books. Then they had to come round and check ID and take down your test book number. Then we bubbled in our info on the answer sheet and got into test mode. I had already turned my watch to 12:00 (so I could time my sections) and there was no clock in the room so I had no idea what time it was. The procter said he would only give us a 5-minute warning and we'd get a 15-minute break. They adopted the "if I can't see your cellphone then you don't have one" attitude, so a couple of people switched off their phones and kept it in their pockets. We were given severe warning about if they heard any kind of electronic noise coming from a test-taker, that person would be escorted out immediately and their book taken away and their name flagged. I had already given mine to Michelle.

At last, we got started. My first section was Logic Games and it was very hard. I wasn't at all happy. Not once have I not been able to get to all the games and this time I didn't get to the last game and had to guess-bubble C for all those questions. I did manage to work out the first answer and I know I got it right and did change my C to the correct choice on my answer sheet, but it was a lot of questions to miss.

That was a tough way to start. I was hoping LG would be the first section and was very happy to see that it was. I just felt that I could get a better handle on the test that way. Despite the missed questions, I didn't falter and just put it out of my mind when I got to section 2.

Section 2 was Logical Reasoning and I thought I handled it well. I identified every question type, worked through the section exactly as I had been doing for the last 3 months and left the longer and harder questions for last. I answered every question and was pleased when it was over.

Section 3 was another Logic Games section and hope reared in my heart that the first section would be the experimental section. I totally killed those games and was so happy at the end. I thought it was the easiest games section I had ever done. However, after the test, my seatmate and I got to chatting about the sections and he got two Reading Comprehension sections and one LG and I had it the other way around. And his LG sounded a lot like my first LG section. Okay, exactly like it. I did forget a lot by then so I could be mistaken but I was pretty sure the dinosaur question he mentioned was in my first and not third section.

But during the break (where I was surprised to discover it was 4 o'clock) I was unaware of all of this and was pretty happy. I took my chocolate bar, banana and water bottle out to Michelle, who got to wait in the lobby right outside my test room, and chatted with her for a bit. We weren't allowed to talk about the test so I told her I would tell her the funny stories later. I went back in, ready to kill what I knew must be coming: another LR section and the Reading Comp.

And conquer them I did. I was very happy with RC. The humanities was the comparative passages and for the first time I thought the humanities passage was the hardest one. But I was very familiar with the terms (thank God for the degree in English Lit) and at least knew what the writers were saying. But even for me it was tough to pick out what they had in common because it really looked like they were presenting very separate things.

I actually did that first and I know my Tutor would kill me because just the day before he said we should do the two-passage questions 3rd or 4th. But, in my triage of the section, there were 2 tougher-looking passages about fractal geometry and something else. I forget now but it was the natural sciences one.

Once I figured out what the humanities passages were talking about (Willa Cather's style), I felt it was smooth sailing and finished well before the 8.5 minutes we're supposed to allot per passage.

I then did the law passage, which was again easy. I had finished 2 passages in 15 minutes and could take my time with fractal geometry and natural sciences. Fortunately, they were much easier than I anticipated and I should have left the humanities for last. But I was able to finish with plenty of time to spare and went back to look over the Willa Cather passages and was happy with my answers.

By the end of the 5th section, they had managed to get the a/c turned off. When I sat down, all those hours before, I didn't feel warm at all and was getting a nice breeze through the window. But I guess people in the middle didn't feel so comfortable and just as we were about to start section 1, the a/c came on. By the end of section 1, we were all test-taking icicles.

People complained at the break and the procters did try to get it turned off. Just after the start of section 4, they made an announcement that the engineers had gone home and they would re-open the windows to get some of the warmer air circulate. It didn't work but someone did get it turned off.

I have to say, I really zoned out the cold during the test. I tried my best to take tests during not-perfect circumstances and I thought this one was the best test environment I ever had. It was only at the end of a section I realized my fingers were blue. Once I was in a section, though, I was oblivious to everything but what was in front of me. That also made me feel pretty good.

The writing sample was the last section and that I did with my eyes closed. I didn't even need the scratch paper. Then it was over. The procters got into a tussle over someone leaving the room before time was called and the one-cane lady and the 2-cane guy really went at it. I got to hear most of it as I was done with my writing sample as it happened. It was very funny but distracting. The MP didn't turn the mike off and everyone could hear what they were saying. They were really kind of badly-behaved.

Michelle said that the procters in the next room were worse. Three of them stood at the back talking in loud voices.

It took a long time for them to count the papers before they let us leave. One-cane lady was so mad, you see it. She had to keep re-counting because she was so angry she kept losing count. It didn't help that two-cane guy kept going at her for the guy who left. I have no idea how she could have stopped him from leaving. SHE WALKS WITH A CANE! It took her four tries to get her count to match with the others.

Then we got to leave. Amen. Michelle and I went looking for something to eat and wound up at a cute place called Prohibition around 85th and Amsterdam. We were going to Jackson Hole, which is right next door, but we stopped to look at Prohibition's menu and were sold.

I had a frozen cosmopolitan to celebrate being done with the test. I texted Tutor the bare bones of the experience and then ate like it was the first time. I was so hungry I about inhaled 2 of the mini burgers on my plate. I slowed down over the fries and then exhaled. Michelle asked me if I was ok and I said I think I was done. I just came to a full stop. We laughed hard over our meal and I took the remaining 2 mini-burgers home for John, because I couldn't eat anything anymore.

Michelle dropped me home, I kissed my sleeping Pie (who peppered me with questions this morning to make sure I wasn't going back to school until next year) and yapped with John for a bit before showering and hitting the bed. He came in later and gave me a back rub and I fell asleep.

I'm still pretty wiped this morning but I got up to take the kid to school so John could sleep late. We still have some issues with the upstairs lights so an electrician is coming this morning. Life goes on as the 3-week wait for scores begins.

the lsat chronicles - the morning of

2009-06-08T09:42:00.003-04:00

It was tough getting to sleep last night. John got me 2 games for my phone so I stayed up, trying to relax, by playing a lot of Solitaire. I eventually got out of bed around 10, ate a banana and made a cup of hot, peppermint tea and went back to bed.

That meant it was tough getting out of bed this morning. But a Pie has to go to school, so I managed. I took him to school this morning, thinking that being outside would be a good idea. And it was. It was very mind-clearing.

My darling husband allowed me to convince him to work from home today. We are having some kind of electrical issue in the upstairs living room and kitchen and Javier is here trying to fix it. I don't think any of us anticipated he'd still be here nearly 2 hours later, so I am glad John is here.

My test-day buddy is going to pick me up at 11 and there's no turning back. I have already decided, barring some kind of freak disaster, I will not be canceling my score. I am just going to do the best I can, use the Kaplan method and breathe.

the lsat chronicles - 2 days before

2009-06-06T19:31:00.003-04:00

We had our last in-class test today. Nothing has changed. I wish I was doing better.

Tomorrow is my birthday. My mother-in-law came today and we went to Ollie's for dinner. I was happy, because I wanted to go there tomorrow for lunch. Now, I am glad I am not going anywhere tomorrow. I am going to buy a very small cake and come home and celebrate with John and the Pie and then hit the bed till Monday.

My MIL also gave me some lovely birthday presents. She gave me a ring that her mother gave to her and she told me she wanted me to have it now. She rang me later to tell me that she didn't give me anything for my wedding so she wanted to give it to me now. She is so sweet. She also gave me a pair of earrings and a lovely little jewel box. She is a such a dear to me. I've encountered some lame mothers of boyfriends in my day, and she makes up for every single one of them. Especially the one I had to live with. The universe owed me for that one and I couldn't ask for better than Ki Hwang.

His grandma even took care of a present for me from the Pie. She gave him a picture holder for me the last time he spent the night at her house and he kept it hidden all this time. Not bad for the kid who cannot keep a secret.

My mom sent me some money, which I took and got myself a pedicure today. A nice Indian-wedding red to give me some good luck for Monday. I gave the Pie $5 out of it and he immediately went and got himself some ice-cream. Not much about saving, that kid.

So, in effect, the birthday celebrations are over and I must say, I am happy. Not that I don't wish for a party. My son asked me who is coming to my birthday and I told him I'm not having a party and he said, "it's like your birthday never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever existed." There were a lot more "evers".

Tomorrow, I go to my last LSAT class and then chill out till Monday. My test-day buddy is picking me up around 11 and she promised coffee. I have to arrive at the test center at 12:30 and I have no idea when I will be leaving. My friend said she is going to stay until it is over and since she is a lawyer and has been through this already, I think she is prepared for the possible long haul. I am so happy she will be there. It will be nice to see a friendly face after the test and no one from my LAST class will be at the center.

I am hoping something happens between now and Monday. I am identifying question types and cutting down on carelessness but I could stand to see some limited options and get the tougher LR questions right. It worries me that after all this time I cannot conquer those 12-23 set. And there's nothing I can do now to make it better.

So I wait for Monday. Wish me luck. And Happy Birthday! One doesn't turn 35 every day.